Jealousy?

[lizbids]

I now see that I'm not alone on this. I do realize that our country's image is such a violent one. It's hard to ignore a media that seems to be in existence to make us all afraid for various reasons. I know family is family, and I am grateful that I have a family at all to genuinely care about me. But unfortunately, like many of you ladies seem to understand, my family shot down everything I ever wanted out of life, and as a result I settled. Now that I'm a little older, I resent that I was put in that position, and a little support for what I enjoy(ed) in life would have been very helpful for me. I don't think we're too old to change, and I'm young enough to know that if I make these positive changes now, I will have a very nice future to look forward to.

And Denise G--I let them talk me out of my dreams when I was a kid, and I'm NOT going to let them do that to me now. Perhaps if I was more self-aware ten years ago I'd be at the Independent Spirit awards watching an actor from my film get an award-----see??? It's the "never-knowing" that feels the very worst!

[Kalidurga]

I often think that reactions of that sort are also at least partially due to the fact that people in our society can't comprehend the idea of doing something alone. Our culture is very much couple- and family-oriented. Walk around some time and look at how few people you see doing anything by themself, aside from running errands.

When I talk about going out biking, hiking, kayaking or traveling alone, the first response I invariably get is "By yourself??" I think the idea of being solitary just freaks many people out. They can't conceive of themselves being solitary, so they can't conceive of you wanting to be.

Please make sure you post the story and photos of your solo trip here. I've been wanting to visit that area, so I'm certainly jealous of you!

[East Hill]

I think there always something we resent in our past--I know I will always regret not having been able to take woodshop and metalshop when I was in middle school and high school. It took Title IX to make my high school allow me to take Auto Mechanics, and even then I was not allowed to take the Advanced Auto Mechanics.

I also deeply resent that I was brushed off by doctors who took their treatment plan for women out of the Bible--you are meant to suffer and by golly, you will .

Fortunately for me, my husband is quite supportive. He has to be, he married me, after all .

So, if I wanted to go solo touring, he'd probably have a problem only in that he would want to come along .

East Hill

[margo49]

People here like to see me riding.
I think they *do* wonder about the solitary aspect (both from a safety and a social p.o.v.). Both Jews and Arabs are very family, social and group cultures. In New Zealand they/we place a high value on being alone every so often. They/we think it clears the head.
Also people think that because I am a cancer survivor and also recovered from a horrendous accident if I do things like ride it is a sign that I am "well".

That said, I think underneath people feel a kind of weird pride in knowing "someone like that" but it gets complicated because they themselves don't/can't do the same and this is what we are interpreting as jealousy. Combined with this, it is easier for us to cope with such a reaction if we call it jealousy because jealousy is "negative".

I know what you mean. Still, you have to be yourself.

Glad you raised this,btw

[lizbids]

Thanks, Margo, yes, I use the word "jealousy," but i understand it comes across as negative--so what word can we use? I'm not sure, because JEALOUS makes it sound like something terrible, when in fact, it would be whistfulness to be able to do the same? I look forward to more of the women's opinions on this matter, and maybe we can get through the semantics to find the right word But, yes, I know what you mean, and I know you know what I mean!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Thanks, Margo, yes, I use the word "jealousy," but i understand it comes across as negative--so what word can we use? I'm not sure, because JEALOUS makes it sound like something terrible, when in fact, it would be whistfulness to be able to do the same? I look forward to more of the women's opinions on this matter, and maybe we can get through the semantics to find the right word

Envious.

And it's likely that all the people you mention are experiencing various combinations of worry and envy- not all one way, and certainly it shows that they do care about you. It doesn't matter exactly what their proportion of worry to envy is though- you should just do what you want to do anyway and take care of yourself. Reassure them lovingly...and then just do your own thing.