I really need your opinions, please

[mimitabby]

well, great news! you sound like a wonderful person!

[crazycanuck]

Popoki..what a nice friend!! Thank you for helping Ed out

What a nice lady you are.

c

[spokewench]

I hope I have a friend as great as you when I'm older. You are a sensational spirit. It makes me cry to read that you care so much.

[Bluetree]

((((( Popoki ))))) You are wonderful! The world needs more people like you.

[Wahine]

Hurray for winning at least a couple of little battles. Ed is truly lucky to have you with him. I hope things keep going well and that you will soon have him in his new mobile with the help that he needs from healthcare.

[Mr. Bloom]

Popoki...Faced this with my parents a three years ago. They are now in "assisted living"...and doing well.

We eased them there:

• first, we acknowledged the problem (making it seem like it was about "US" not them...you know..."we are unable to be on call 24 hours a day and it concerns us that something might happen while we're not there."
• second, "let's go check it out together. Give it a try for 30 days, if you don't like it, then we'll try something different. We won't sell your house"
• finally, bring familiar things into the facility. We used their own furniture, etc.

After a couple of weeks, they found a routine, saw the benefits, and after a few months, they were ready to sell their house and belongings.

Today, they're happy and glad they moved. The strange thing is that to this day (they're approaching 80), they believe that everyone there is old and infirm and that they 'don't belong with these old folks'. In reality, they are the most infirm ones there.

It's wonderful that you care...he is a blessed man.

[Popoki_Nui]

In the end, it's his decision. It may be easier for him to live in squalor than to lose his independence. Making sure he knows he has other options may be all you can do.

Ya know...I think this is exactly how this situation is going to play out.

Things are not going as well as I had hoped. We have taken all the kind suggestions from this thread, as well as all the many options the Community Care program here offers, and presented them to Ed for his consideration. He has rejected every one. Nothing the community nurses, social workers, or home support workers have suggested has had any effect either. The only real success I've had is to get him to agree to have his bank pay his household bills directly from his bank account; at least now we know his lights, heat, and phone will not be disconnected because he has forgotten to pay (which happens with greater frequency lately). None of his friends, nor his nephew, has stepped up to repair his trailer, or help find him a newer one.

It is clear now that he simply cannot care for himself in any meaningful way, and utterly unable or unwilling to accept that fact. I can understand that...it can't be easy for him. I think assisted living would be the best solution for him, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I'm still trying to get him to agree to Meals-On-Wheels, and occasional visits by a nurse, as well as my usual visits/meals/cleaning, at his place.

Sooo...I think he is going to have to go back to living as he was before, alone and in squalor, until he comes to the same conclusion the rest of us have. I just hope he makes that realization before it's too late.

Gee...that was a bit of a ramble. Sorry....frustration. Thanks again for all your suggestions, I really appreciate them. I'll probably post one last update later this week when Ed is scheduled to return home.

~Sherry.

[Pax]

We had an older homeless woman here in town who refused ANY offer of help for years and years, she eventually declined to the point where she met the criteria for involuntary placement into an assisted living facility. She was angry and miserable for the first month but eventually realized that the comforts of having good food and a clean warm bed were kinda nice, she started to enjoy her new place and remained there happily until she passed away three years later. Hopefully your friend will be able to find such a placement when he's no longer judged capable of self-care.

[Popoki_Nui]

Well...Ed is back at his place after two weeks in the hospital, and two more weeks recuperating here at my place. On the down side, no one did anything to clean or repair his trailer in his absence as they had committed to , but on the up side he is looking and feeling 100% better than he has in a long time. We've got him set up with Meals-On-Wheels, and twice-weekly homecare support. I've stocked his freezer with frozen meals, ready to heat 'n eat, and laid in enough Ensure supplement drink, V8 juice, fruit, bread, and other staples to keep him going for a couple of weeks. I can stop by 3-4 times per week to check on him, and we're just going to go ahead and hire someone to clean and repair his place. Screw the relatives...they're useless.
Guess that's it for now. I think he will be ok.

[Wahine]

Well, his situation is better than it was, thanks to you. You've certainly done a lot for this man and I hope that your plans for meals on wheels and homecare work.

You have a big heart. The world needs more people like you.

[Popoki_Nui]

Just thought I'd post a couple of updates for those who were following this thread. Gosh, it seems ages since I've been on TE.

My friend Ed is settled back at his trailer, and doing pretty well all things considered. We've got it cleaned and fixed up as good as possible. Meals-On-Wheels delivers a hot meal every day, and I keep his fridge stocked with easy-to-heat meals, veggies, milk, juice, etc. He's eating well and feeling quite good.

Then we lost a very dear family friend on the mainland. It was sudden, and SO and I had to scramble to make the wake. It was a boisterous event as good wakes should be-- as he would have liked--, but still very sad to have lost a friend who lived so large.

And not long after that, MIL passed away suddenly in the nursing home where she was living after her stroke. I guess it was inevitable, but it wasn't imminent. A very big shock, as you might imagine. Life can be so fickle.
And so it goes.

~Sherry.

[Zen]

I do beleive that when your time comes to leave this earth, you will have achieved Nirvana.

I wish I had a neighbor like you, my house badly needs painting and I have two eggs and some milk in the fridge. I have no job yet but I do have a bike!

Keep us posted on the saga of Ed. We care too.