Who told there DH, about new bike?

[Offthegrid]

I told my new guy on our first date that if I get near my goal weight, I'm going to spend $2,500 to $3,000 on a triathlon bike. He was a bit shocked at the price tag, but I figure I gotta get that out there right away that bikes cost more than $150.

I'm not married, but I can imagine being honest and up front about it -- for as long as possible before the actual purchase -- would be the way to go.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I don't know how many bikes you have, or just how "old" they are, but it couldn't hurt to sell some as at least a gesture of good faith now that what's done is done. Don't wait for him to ask you if you'll sell them. Take the initiative and do what's right.
Your husband has been through UNBELIEVABLE awful grief experiences over the past few months. Who could possibly be happygolucky after such horrendous events?
Perhaps you should approach him about riding WITH you as a way for him to begin doing good healthy/healing things for himself and as a way for you both to bond or draw closer together. HE is the one who needs comforting- he must feel as though his whole world is crashing down and nobody thinks about HIM or his needs at all. There are many ways you can help make things right if you are creative and determined.

[logdiva32]

No, I didn't spit on him. I did not spend our life savings.. He won't cry. But I am wrong.
Frankly I wish he would talk. He never says anything about his sister or brother. He used to talk about "when we were kids" all the time. I don't think I've heard him say his sisters name since, she was killed. I know he feels he should have done something. He keeps sending me job listings from his hometown, he wants to move back I assume.
I did buy him a bike first actually.. But it just hangs on the wall. I know he needs help, but he wouldn't ever talk to anyone, he is macho that way. I've tried to have brothers from the church call him. But he is polite and turns back there offers to go out to dinner and such. So I don't know what to do, but leave him alone.. Sorry for drifting..

[caligurl]

wow! you're brave! i'd never make a major purchase like that without first talking it over with hubby! he's always been right there with my on all four of my bike purchases! (and i mean right there reseaching with and for me and right there ordering and right there at pick up!)

[logdiva32]

No he has little interest. If I had asked before I bought it. It would have either been, Do you really, really want it? Do you really, really have to have it?
How much does it cost? What will you give up for it? Then either no, maybe next year, or what the hell, go ahead..
Biking is just not his thing.
not that 2 wrongs make it right, but he bought his motorcycle without mentioning it to me until I got home several months later. But I wasn't upset. Just the nature of our relationship I guess. Ten years together a lot of ups and downs. But, "that's my boy"
tried him 3 times at work today, but he had meetings. Will have to be tonight then.

[Aint Doody]

Logdiva, don't beat yourself up. You know your financial situation. I had some here telling me I should have felt bad about the mt. bike I just got. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the room, it was just that he has to try to rain on my parades from time to time. He doesn't ride bicycles and doesn't want to and doesn't understand why it's so much fun for me. But--that's the way his father does his mother. I told him; took my punishment of "the look" and "how many bicycles do you need??? speech" and went on my merry way.

But it does sound like your fellow needs some help. He may even need to go on antidepressants for a while. Can you convince him to just go in for a check-up?

[logdiva32]

Yes, I am leaving work. Headed for the gym. And in prayer just decided to tell him, keep the bike, apologize for not calling him and let it go. What ever he says, he just says. Wish I could get him to tell somebody if he is really ok or not. He tells his mom and dad he is ok. But I don't think he is. They have the church and the rest of our families nearby. We are stuck here in WA......

But hey anyway here is my bike. Not a car note, but it is mine and I am ready to ride.