Who told there DH, about new bike?

[margo49]

Deal with this situation and its implications/ consequences for your relationship (hopefully only short term) asap.
Otherwise it will just get worse for you inside and then actually *be* worse when it is finally aired .
Worse still - you will feel "funny" about that bike which will sure take the edge off its coolness,newness,etc

Best of luck and remember none of us are perfect and all relationships have their crises occasionally and we learn from them (and then go on to have other crises and so on!!)

[Triskeliongirl]

I think the sooner you tell him the better. He will be a lot more pissed if he just notices there is suddenly less money in the account. Now, I don't know big a long term finanical hardship this will be for you and your family. If it is, then maybe you really should sell some of your other bikes (how many bikes are there?). But otherwise, just be honest with him, let him know that you know you should have talked about it first, but that you screwed up. If you honestly think you have a problem controlling your spending (on bikes or otherwise) then as your spouse ask him to help you figure out how to do better. But then also emphasize the health benefits of cycling, cuz it some ways a good bike is like money in the bank if it keeps you healthier. Also, why don't you sit down and ask yourself why you did it without consulting him. Do you believe there is a power inbalance in your marriage that you were lashing out at? If so, talk about that with him, or whatever other thoughts come to mind.

[logdiva32]

Thank you guys. Many valid points here. I partially told him this morning. I called him at work to tell him to move the money from our sav to his check, because I used the debit card. I did not tell him what for. He could not have lunch with me to tell him face to face. But I will have to tonight.. I agree, I must sell my other bikes. They are old except for 2. Oh, I did not break the bank, Just cut out a few dinners out and mall visits for a couple months and we will recover.
Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.
Hope, I don't break the bank waiting.. But, I will RIDE til I think its, OKAY.

[Tuckervill]

>>Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.<<

Frankly, I think you just spat on him.

He's mean!? Formerly happy-go-lucky? He's sick. Get him some help. Show him some respect. Take the bike back.

Karen

[Offthegrid]

I told my new guy on our first date that if I get near my goal weight, I'm going to spend $2,500 to $3,000 on a triathlon bike. He was a bit shocked at the price tag, but I figure I gotta get that out there right away that bikes cost more than $150.

I'm not married, but I can imagine being honest and up front about it -- for as long as possible before the actual purchase -- would be the way to go.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I don't know how many bikes you have, or just how "old" they are, but it couldn't hurt to sell some as at least a gesture of good faith now that what's done is done. Don't wait for him to ask you if you'll sell them. Take the initiative and do what's right.
Your husband has been through UNBELIEVABLE awful grief experiences over the past few months. Who could possibly be happygolucky after such horrendous events?
Perhaps you should approach him about riding WITH you as a way for him to begin doing good healthy/healing things for himself and as a way for you both to bond or draw closer together. HE is the one who needs comforting- he must feel as though his whole world is crashing down and nobody thinks about HIM or his needs at all. There are many ways you can help make things right if you are creative and determined.

[logdiva32]

No, I didn't spit on him. I did not spend our life savings.. He won't cry. But I am wrong.
Frankly I wish he would talk. He never says anything about his sister or brother. He used to talk about "when we were kids" all the time. I don't think I've heard him say his sisters name since, she was killed. I know he feels he should have done something. He keeps sending me job listings from his hometown, he wants to move back I assume.
I did buy him a bike first actually.. But it just hangs on the wall. I know he needs help, but he wouldn't ever talk to anyone, he is macho that way. I've tried to have brothers from the church call him. But he is polite and turns back there offers to go out to dinner and such. So I don't know what to do, but leave him alone.. Sorry for drifting..