Thanks BM
My partner read my post last night. Hadn't realised how gutted I was.
And he has always said the same thing to me you have just written - racing should be fun.
Yestersday morning, I actually thought about coming and editing the self-pity out of my post, because it isn't really helpful.

I think I was just in some kind've shock after the Saturday race at how I felt. I have been disappointed at my results before, but never felt despair. And over a bike race? Crazy! But we had so many in the house I really couldn't talk it through comfortably with anyone. I just wasn't expecting the intensity of the emotion - and over a club race... and I didn't understand myself.

Next week, my game plan is changing. I will stay with them as long as I can and do no work at all (one mistake on Saturday was I tried to shut down a break! Stupid! Not when this is only my third club race with this grade! Sometimes you make silly calls and that was one).
So next week I sit in, hang on and if I don't enjoy it, I will ride back down a grade for the rest of the summer series. My partner suggested riding down a grade for a while - and it is such a good idea, because I have had very few races since October... I need to get race practice in again.

So thankyou for your words, BM, they are perfect... and my perspective is a bit more rational now... and I'm biking to and from work today...

Major lesson reminder for me... after a hard ride, you MUST go for a spin the following day. I just wasn't interested in hoping on the bike yesterday, but this morning my legs hurt sooooo much.

So I'm off to spin gently to work, a nice hours ride as the sun rises... thats what its about. I love riding on empty roads.