You can train them to help. It's easier if you start off small and give lots of praise. If you sit down and make a list of everything you do in a day, and everything he does in a day and then list the things you each get to do in your free time (ie how many minutes/hours of tv or reading or relaxing or biking etc), you will often see pretty quickly that you do way more work and less free-time. It's hard for him to argue if you show him the list. I don't buy the whole argument that he works and you stay home so you should do ALL the home stuff. When I was a SAHM with two toddlers, I agreed to do all the housework during the day. But when he came home, he had to help with the child-rearing and after dinner housework. My day didn't end at 5, why should his?

Anyway, I started with insisting that he help with the dishes, later we moved to him doing all the dishes as long as I cooked. Then we set aside one morning a week that we did housework together and I gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. It wasn't always easy but it's worth working on. It took me about 10 years to get it working though.

This time around, I have stepped up the training and expect to be done in 10 months instead of 10 years.