umm a ? about E D?

[Brandi]

A couple of you have asked our age. I am 38 and my dh is 48.

[hellosunshine]

i know nothing on this subject,but i do have a hunch that touch is very important through any crisis,keep touching,just affirmation that you still feel the physical attraction as i guess hes feeling very muddled and his self esteem will be on a kind of spiral.im sure though you do touch,you seem a caring,loving kind of person,.....it doesnt have to be sexual touch,hugs are ace.

[Mr. Bloom]

Brandi, silver asked me last night why I didn't respond here...I must have overlooked this thread. Sorry.

First, I am 43...and I KNOW first hand what your DH is experiencing. I assure you that this is something that strikes to the core of a man's self perception and one that should be handled with sensitivity. Having said that, I'm a transparent guy and didn't hesitate to confront it with my Dr.

The focus in the responses is on BP medication. There are other potential causes...low testosterone, nerve damage from biking, normal aging, life's stresses (generally my problem), and so on.

I encourage you each to be careful about being "kinda weird with each other". The fact is that as you age, you'll be confronted with this more often and you don't want weirdness to rule the day. One way might be to know how you'll respond before this happens and divert the activity to other mutually satisfying options. Many men enjoy satisfying their wives in other ways.

I also encourage you to not 'take the bull by the horns' on this one. Please make him feel the unconditional love that you've vocalized in this thread. But he's got to be the one to take this to the next step...

I'll add one more thing, ED medications are very misunderstood. They do not CAUSE the arousal, they ENABLE it. Despite cartoon stereotypes, the pill does not arouse you...it still requires the mental desire.

I'm sorry to make this long...I'll gladly answer any other questions you have if you want to pose them here.

[Trek420]

Just to insert a positive thought ...Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.

sorry for the thread hijack....I want DH's dr "the prescription for your arthritis and bad knees Trek is a weeklong cycling holiday. Here, let me write it out. Yes, it's fully covered by insurance and you'll be excused from work through FMLA, I'll sign the paperwork"

[Brandi]

Brandi, silver asked me last night why I didn't respond here...I must have overlooked this thread. Sorry.

First, I am 43...and I KNOW first hand what your DH is experiencing. I assure you that this is something that strikes to the core of a man's self perception and one that should be handled with sensitivity. Having said that, I'm a transparent guy and didn't hesitate to confront it with my Dr.

The focus in the responses is on BP medication. There are other potential causes...low testosterone, nerve damage from biking, normal aging, life's stresses (generally my problem), and so on.

I encourage you each to be careful about being "kinda weird with each other". The fact is that as you age, you'll be confronted with this more often and you don't want weirdness to rule the day. One way might be to know how you'll respond before this happens and divert the activity to other mutually satisfying options. Many men enjoy satisfying their wives in other ways.

I also encourage you to not 'take the bull by the horns' on this one. Please make him feel the unconditional love that you've vocalized in this thread. But he's got to be the one to take this to the next step...

I'll add one more thing, ED medications are very misunderstood. They do not CAUSE the arousal, they ENABLE it. Despite cartoon stereotypes, the pill does not arouse you...it still requires the mental desire.

I'm sorry to make this long...I'll gladly answer any other questions you have if you want to pose them here.

Awww thank you for responding. I thought this thread had died. So there is another reason having a guy on the site is nice.
I am going to let him handle it.He goes to he's Dr's in the next few weeks and I might lightly mention it to him before he goes. I am handling it with kit gloves (is that right). It is so much easier for women to hide it then a guy and I understand it is got to be more difficult mentally. We have had a long very good intimate relationship. I had to realize it was not me. I am trying to help him in more subtle ways (won't get into details,it would take this site into a new dimension we don't want to go) Lucky for us it does not happen all the time. Again thank you for your input is it very valuable to me. Thanks for being here! All of you!

[mary9761]

Hi Brandi,
I'm sorry to just be finding this thread as well, you mention your dh has high bp, is there ANY possibility of sleep apnea, diabetes etc? My dh has sleep apnea and has to sleep with a CPAP at night to make sure he continues to breathe through the night. One of the side effects that we were told about was E.D. among other things.
We have worked around the situation with creative solutions. If you haven't been able to get him to mention this to the doctor yet, there are more reasons other than sexual to have him possibly bring it up to his doctor. I know it bothers my dh, but as I said we work around it in other ways since the medications are A. quite expensive and B. I'm not sure that the sample that he was given at one point by a urologist ISN'T why he went from perfect vision (used to be OS -radar tech- in Navy) to being nearly blind in one eye. This was before they suddenly have figured out that loss of vision could possibly be a side effect of the meds because of how they work with blood flow. It's just recently that I'm thinking the two might be related.
I hope everything works out for you both. Assure him though especially if you find out it's medically related, that it's NOT him. I have to remind my dh that it IS from his sleep apnea and that he's not just "broken" (not the words I want to say, but let him know you love him and you can experiment with other ways to pleasure each other)
Good luck

[annie]

Brandi,

This is not an uncommon problem, especially as people age. It's not something as secretive and hidden as in the past, either. My DH has had ED for some years now. (He's 53.) And, yes, at first, it was extremely difficult to even talk about. We'd keep coming up with one excuse after the other as to why nothing was working right. Finally - HIS choice - he made an appt, saw a Dr. and got a prescription for Viagra. It's still not perfect. Spontaneous sex is rarely a possibility. We have to plan ahead so he can take his little blue pill. But it IS much better and worth the extra planning. He feels better about himself, which is just as important as the physical act. Having said all this, I have to add, he does not have the problem of high BP. I would hope that there is some other drug available that wouldn't have such an effect on the BP, but I honestly don't know. All I can tell you is that if your hubby is willing to talk to his doctor, and there is something that can help, by all means, encourage him to try it. And like Mr. Silver said, it isn't an automatic Stand Up and Salute pill. There still needs to be arousal. You are just as involved as you ever were. Don't give up. Do what you can for both your sakes.

Annie