Having babies

[margo49]

Wow, there have been some splendid replies to your post already.
IHaving children does impact life. For the worse? Absolutely not! Having children just changes priorities and availability.

Please give each response careful thought. Children are wonderful indeed, but your life will change.

Yeah, although I would say *AND* (not but) your life will change.

All sorts of things "change your life" (partner(s), jobs, money or lack of, health or illness.
And a lot of those things we don't (or can't) examine all the pro's, con's and implications beforehand.
But we go through them and move (limp, stagger,blunder,meander) on to a New Normal in an equally Meaningful Life.

I have found myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year with being a mother; but I would be finding myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year whatever. (Substitute your own poison/self destructive activity).

[horsemom]

I totally understood your humor. I have been a mother for 22 years and still talk like that sometimes--and my well adjusted grown son smiles when I refer to him as "that PITA" - he knows he has always been the center of my world.

As someone else said, even if you are clueless at the onset, like a mother cat, you figure it out. Having a child was the best and most important thing I ever did. If I was the regretting type, I would only regret not having more.

That said, it is a huge adjustment. I was a 23 year old nationally ranked equestrian when I had my son, and it took many sacrifices of my career to raise him. I would do it all over again in spades.

As far as finding time for myself (I was a stay at home mom.) I found another rider with a child the same age, and traded riding time. She watched mine and I watched hers while the other rode. Also important is finding time to be alone and letting dad spend time alone with the kiddo. I had a standing date with a girlfriend to ride every wednesday evening in the summer, and dad fed, bathed and put to bed. It was a good time for all.

Take the time to be alone with your husband also. By all means, hire a sitter and get out biking together. You may have to hike more at certain stages of development--the front packs are great for awhile, then switch to the backpack, then the bike trailer, then a good stroller, then put on your roller skates and try to keep up!!

I hauled my child all over with me--he went to his first endurance ride (camping and all day outside in the woods) when he was three weeks old. I handed my horse off to the sitter and nursed him at the vet checks! He teethed on a stethoscope while laying in a blanket in a wheelbarrow while I did chores, and still he grew up knowing how to entertain himself, self confident and socially adept.

If you are considering a child, by all means, do it, and cherish it--there is no love deeper- it is an interesting twist to life when it happens. I am only 46, but looking forward to grandbabies someday.

Laura

[Puffin]

Wow! Babies do stir up a lot of emotion. I hope i haven't offended anyone and thank EVERYONE for sharing their thoughts.

I am in my early thirties and do feel the clock ticking and i can't bear the thought of growing old without offspring around me. Funnily enough I look forward to the 9 months of pregnancy because I'm fascinated by the magic of creating a new life (boy, am i in for a shock!)
Being tied to the house with screaming babies does scare me, but i do appreciate that the first nine months will only serve to create the bond that will help me get through those sleepless nights.
i do worry about the resentment at hubbie and others going out without me, but I think now I can see that it's only a temporary situation - a change like all changes in life (as one of you so brilliantly put it). We will just have to find new ways of having adventures. I look forward to introducing one or more new humans to the pleasures of an active life...
Meanwhile, we are planning Scotland, Alps and Pyrenees next year - all before I get pregnant!!! I should be sick of biking by then

Also, I guess it may simply never happen - shouldn't complain about my chicks before they've even hatched.

Em

[AllezGirl]

You won't be tied to the house! There are all kinds of contraptions for hauling your kid around...I know, I've used them all! I took my kid EVERYWHERE with me (kinda had to, I've always been a single mom) and I wouldn't change a thing. Exposing him to so many different experiences from a young age really fostered his sense of adventure!

[HappyAnika]

I got your humor too.

Regarding the whole interest in peas thing, I think its like dogs. (Yes, I'm one of those annoying non-mothers who can always draw a comparison between children and dogs). I have friends, maybe two, that don't really care for dogs. I know this, and I know that they are bored if I start talking about my dogs, so I don't it. I save my dog talk for all of my other friends who have dogs and/or love dogs and they get excited when I tell them about a cute new habit one of my girls developed, or they are genuinely concerned if one of my pooches is sick. The point is to share the things that are important to you with other people who find the same things important.

DH and I are in the planning stages for getting pregnant next year. Before we seriously started talking about it, I already began planning for centuries and long rides next year. Now I realize that if all goes well on the conceiving front, I won't be able to do those things next year. But I will likely get to do them the following year, its a small price to pay for starting a family. As far as rides when we have a baby, DH and I plan to take turns babysitting while the other one rides (I'm not going to be the one always left behind holding the baby, I need play time too). I imagine we can find a friend or neighbor to watch the little one for a few hours if we both want to go out. And what about sitting swaps? I know when I was little my mom belonged to a sitting exchange group with other moms where they traded hours of babysitting, I'm assuming this sort of thing still goes on. I've already been scoping out mommy groups and hope to form a new social and support network as a mother. Once you become a mother, you'll meet other mothers with similar issues and they may have more solutions you haven't thought of yet. If riding is really important to you, you'll find a way to make it work. Good luck in trying, and I'm so sorry to hear about your mc.

[DDH]

I don't think you offended anyone. I am glad to know that you were being humorous, but even if you weren't, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions.
I bet you won't be as tied down to the house as you think you might. It's amazing the things they have now days to be able to accomdate everyone's hobbies and still have children. Who knows what neat new thing they might have by the time you have a child.

I do get your humor now that I know you were being that way. I call mine a brat all the time and he knows I say it with all the love in my heart. I never say it except in humor. Guess that makes the difference. Hope I haven't scarred him for life.

[HappyAnika]

Ok, I was thinking about this some more, and here's what bugs me, you keep talking about how your husband will get to go riding but not you. Its just as much your husband's baby as yours, so why should all the responsibility of caring for the child fall on you? It shouldn't! (Even if you plan to breastfeed, they have pumps so you can always have milk available).

Ok, here I go again with the dogs. This is before we were even engaged, we got our lab puppy at 7 weeks old, our other dog was 5 then. The puppy slept in a crate at night in our bedroom and had to get up once or twice every night to go outside and do her business. I'm a heavy sleeper and I hate to be bothered with getting up. DH was so wonderful about taking the puppy out every single night, in December and January in the freezing cold for her to pee. I knew then that he was perfect for being the father of my children.

Now I know that lots of women make the choice to become single mothers and my hats off to them. I don't think I could do it alone. I'm all about sharing responsibilities between us. Even if you are going to be a SAHM since your husband earns more, you should feel entitled to some personal time away from the baby, meanwhile he needs some bonding time with the baby, so it all works out. Have you talked about this with your husband?

[Tuckervill]

But we go through them and move (limp, stagger,blunder,meander) on to a New Normal in an equally Meaningful Life.

Sometimes we even sail.

Karen