Having babies

[Puffin]

Apologies to any of you who have already approached this subject many moons ago, but I'm new to the forum and thought I'd venture what is probably an old question with you guys.
So: How do I have babies and keep up the biking?
We plan to start a family next year - well, one day we do, one day we don't. DH earns way more than me and is much more of a bike enthusiast, so I'll be spending a lot more time at home than him. Obviously, I'll also have the pregnancy to get through.
The only example I have is sister-in-law, who never had a life before the baby and now can only talk about how many peas he's eaten today and has NEVER in nearly 2 years been apart from the thing... NOT encouraging.
So a) I want to know how I can stay bike fit throughout pregnancy, b) how will we be able to get out an ride when burdened with micro humans, c) How on earth willl I cope with the jealousy of being the one who's left behind holding the baby

[mimitabby]

I was an avid horseback rider before I had babies and worked horses until the day before I had my first son. Since I also had to work, there was not enough time for kids work and horses. The horses had to go. Like many people, the constraints of being a working mother affected my health adversely.
YOu too will be thrilled with the way your babies spit their peas out. If you're not, I'd worry abuot your mothering skills.

Good luck. I hope you have more flexibility in your schedule than I did.
But the good news is that even at the age of 50+ you can get your health back, i did!

[KnottedYet]

Being left behind with the little critter is a killer. Until they are able to hold their heads up and maintain a sit, though, you can't be putting them in a trailer.

We had a trailer, fabulous invention.

You can ride while preggers until you can't.... how's that for evasive answering? Tell your OB you ride, they'll let you know what they think at each stage.

[DDH]

Well, not to be a negative or anything, but doesn't sound to me like you are really ready to have a child. If you have to refer to your niece or nephew as the thing, or are already worried about jealousy from being left at home, I wouldn't suggest having a baby.
Having a child is a sacrafice on the part of mother and father. You will not be able to do the things that you want to do all the time.
When we had our son, we got a trailor and pulled him around until he got to heavy. Once he was too heavy, we kind of put the bikes away. He wasn't old enough to keep up and it would have been dangerous. Then between work both of us working and life in general we just didn't get to ride. We have since taken it back up again. He can go now if he wants but he is also old enough to stay home for an hour or two while we go.
There are many ways to keep in shape while pregnant and after besides bike riding that you can do and still have a baby. You can also, see if someone you can trust is around if they will watch the baby while you bike. Or hubby and you can take turns. There are always ways to work things out if you want it bad enough.
I just hate to see you have a baby if you are already feeling like a child would tie you down and make you resentful.

[Kano]

Donna, I have to admit, I had the same reaction!

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that just about every mom here will agree with me: I only THOUGHT I was ready for motherhood. I had NO idea what I was getting into!

It's not that we have no lives, it's that life takes on a whole different focus. Especially for us moms who are fortunate enough to be able to stay home with our little ones. Yes, it sounds a little weird, but there's just nothing to compare to the number of peas eaten in one sitting -- and sadly, no one in the world cares as much as they should about how many peas our little ones have downed! Moms at work are wondering how many peas their little ones are eating for lunch and wishing they were there to count, and we moms who are so priveleged are feeling a little sad for them...

We also get excited about pee in the potty rather than in the diaper, and as a mom, I can tell you, I only thought I'd lived until the other went into the potty on a regular basis!

Kids kind of overwhelm and define our existence for a lot of years. If they're not what we're doing right now, they're the wall paper on our desktop, laptop, cell phones, etc. You could say it gets better, since we gain independence as they do, but the MOMENT they need something, even when they're 25, the whole rest of the world loses importance again.

And then we have grandkids.

It starts all over again, but it's much more fun the second time around!

Karen in Boise

[snapdragen]

A woman in my bike club rode up to the day she delivered. Now she and hubby take turns towing the trailer, they've got two boys.

If you're thinking having a child is more of a burden than a pleasure, I don't think you're ready to have one of your own.

[Puffin]

I admit my first post did sound really negative. Just so you get the right impression of me - I am Toby's (the "thing"'s) favourite person (other than Mummy of course). Being negative about babies is just a front to hide my fears!
We managed to get pregnant by mistake in August and after the initial shock it was a wonderful feeling. I was horribly disappointed when I had a mc just a few days after testing positive. DH did not understand my sadness, but I know he too will be a great parent when it actually happens.
I am relieved to hear that you can keep biking through pregnancy. I'm not sure DH would allow me to, though (I always fall off ).
Maybe we should consider hiking in stead of biking after birth - how soon can babies sit in those cool baby back packs?
Can we not just get a sitter in every Sunday morning, while we go out together?
Does anyone have any great scheduling tips for exercise during the early months/years?
Sorry to have sounded so MEAN!
Em

[Triskeliongirl]

Obviously you'll have to ask your doctor, but basically now they are advising women that if they were active before pregnency, its OK to maintain that activity during. But specific recommendations in terms of heart rate zones, etc. should come from your doc. When our kids were young, we had those seats that fit on the back of our bikes, but I think the trailers they make now are safer. A couple in our club is pregnant now, and they have been exclusively riding their tandem, so she can take it easier. They already have their 'chariot' (i.e. trailer) on order. I also biked once with 2 couples, where the guys both pulled the kids on baby trailers (real racer types) which slowed them down just enough to ride with their wives and the rest of us 'girls'. Yes, you'll have to wait until the baby can support his/her head, but until then you can also take turns. Just cuz you have to bear the child doesn't mean you shouldn't get bike time. I would get up early and exercise while my babies and husband were still sleeping before work when my kids were really young. I would also do exercise videos at night when they were sleeping.

[Puffin]

Triskelion - good ideas, thanks!

[xeney]

YOu too will be thrilled with the way your babies spit their peas out. If you're not, I'd worry about your mothering skills.

Oh, I don't agree with that. My mom had two babies, eleven grandkids, and four older stepkids, and she has never been interested in peas. I have nieces and nephews who are not much younger than I am, and I can clearly remember my mom rolling her eyes and griping that she wished my sister-in-law would stop talking about the baby's bowel movements, because those weren't even interesting when it was your own baby.

My mom went back to work when I was about six months old, and she continued to hike and camp and do the stuff she had done before, and we went along in a backpack ... I went on my first deer hunting trip when I was three months old. We weren't neglected at all but as the two youngest of six, we were very much expected to fit into the family, not have the rest of the family change to fit around us. And nobody ever went gaga over the way I spit up my peas, and I managed to turn out okay.

I think that is how bigger families used to work, and it's a much more recent thing that babies become the sole focus of everybody's life. My mom has been telling me this for years: just because you don't really like babies doesn't mean you won't like having kids. She still doesn't especially like babies, but she is the best grandma ever once the kids are old enough to care.

[fixedgeargirl]

how will we be able to get out an ride when burdened with micro humans, :

If you're already considering a child a burden, you're not in a good place to be a parent. When you can get excited about the challenge of incorporating a new life into your own and finding creative ways to share your passion with your pride and joy, you're ready.

c) How on earth willl I cope with the jealousy of being the one who's left behind holding the baby

Be an adult, suck it up. It's good practice for teaching your kids the tough lessons of handling disappointment. I missed a marvelous season of mtb'ing my son's first summer. You know what, it was only one summer of the many that have made up my life. It sucked hearing my friends' stories of glorious rides. In the six years since, I've returned to participating in those stories. One season is really a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.

[paigette]

Geez, I don't want kids (like, ever) and I don't even have the apparent distain that you seem to have for them! I agree with the other poster's that it seems you are not ready.

Maybe start with a dog & see how you can handle that first?

Check out http://decafplease.blogspot.com/, she's a blogger I've read forever, currently pregnant, read through her archives & she discusses her biking/running/swimming during the time.

P.S. sorry about the mc

[Puffin]

I think there may be a language problem going on here... Any English girls get my wry sense of humour???? Help!

[LBTC]

When we were younger and trying to decide if kids were the right thing for us....we listened to everyone's arguments and opinions about whether we "should" have kids and we determined that there is no unselfish reason to *not* have kids but there is also no unselfish reasont *to* have kids.

Once we go that out of the way, it was a lot easier for us to really listen to what our hearts were saying. And both of our hearts (eventually) said a resounding NO we don't want kids. Even with the pressure of friends having kids and wanting our kids to all go to school together, etc, etc, etc. It's just not right for us, and I still feel that no-one should assume that it's the next thing in life (whether you're thinking adventure or responsibility, it just doesn't have to be next).

We've both looked at the issue from all sorts of angles and know that being parents to human children (we have 4 furry four-legged kids already), is just not something we *want*. And it's not that we don't like all kids (although some I can't imagine having to be around all of the time!!)...we just spent an inordinate amount of time and money decorating our yard and buying way too much candy for the kids for Halloween and wholly there sure were some cute ones!

The only acceptable reason to do anything, ever, is because you *want* to.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, if it really is something you want to do, you will definitely find the way to do the other things, like riding, that you want to do, too. If you want it, the fear and worry will dissolve, and you find every solution you need. I just really hope that your DH and you both want the same thing and both have the same expectations going into it. Talk with him. Often. Deeply. Sort it all out. Listen to your heart. Then dive right in, whichever way you go!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[margo49]

Motivation? I will say it again.

This is biology and a basic drive.We are talking about carrying on the species. Not love (whatever that is), togetherness, next steps in development of self or realtionship...reproduction of the genes (hopefully the best ones). That is why the doe looks for the buck with the best set of antlers or the lady mountain goat looks for the gentleman mountain goat that butts the other ones off the edge of the cliff.
We human animals should not think we should be so different. We are still animals when it comes to this. Go for someone who will maximize your genetic potential. Trust me, if you ask yourself this question your deepest self will answer *immmediately*. And if you have to *ask* your deepest self then he is not the one.