childless?

[Eden]

I’ve been telling people my whole life that I never wanted kids. Many of them say that “You’ll change your mind,” or “Just wait and see,” or some other nonsense. I find that response arrogant and patronizing. In my 39-years of existence, I can’t recall ever telling anyone that their personal beliefs and aspirations were a passing phase... even if I did not agree with it.

Many people who want/have kids simply cannot fathom why others don’t. My parents consider it one’s duty to procreate.

I sooo understand. I'm another childless by choice person. I've heard all of the same comments, been told I'm selfish, I'll change my mind, I'll regret it etc. etc. I knew I did not want to be responsible for kids from a very early age - I was a teenager and I already knew it. I had figured that I probably would be single forever too, but I found a guy who was just as sure he did not want kids too and we've been very happy together. Fortunately for us we live 2,000 miles from most of our relatives, so the pressure is not constant, as we are still young enough for his folks to hold out hopes (mine know I won't change my mind).

I've never been a maternal kind of person. I have two cats and they are a handful enough - I'm not even dog material, much less kid material as far as providing the kind of care and supervision that raising a child (or a dog) requires. I really think that it is better to know you don't want kids than to have kids and then figure it out, which far too many people seem to do. I'm not a kid hater. I just know its better for me and for any possible child to not go there. There are people who are completely cut out for it. My husband knows some guys who are the best dads you could see. One guy has 7 I think and I can't imagine telling him he shouldn't have had them. He's a great dad and all kids deserve one like him.

I certainly don't feel unfulfilled in any manner, by not having kids. I definitely don't fit into the category of just working longer and longer hours and being miserable. In fact I've been pretty adamant about not working unpaid overtime, because I want time to take care of me - and right now I'm just been laid off and I don't plan to go right back to work. Not having kids means I can be totally flexible with my life. I don't have to plan everything out and around the schedule of the kids. My husband and I have been able to travel and take time off from working if we wish to without the kind of financial worries having dependants brings. We can be spontaneous - stay another day, go somewhere on a moments notice, do nothing if we choose. I just don't feel like I need to leave a legacy. Like She-fly I've just completed my first year of racing and I doubt I would have even considered it if I had kids to take care of - especially not with both of us racing, there wouldn't have been anyone left to watch the kids. (yes there are plenty of women on the team with kids -and some with both parents involved in racing- I don't know how they manage)

Maybe you see what you want to see, but I feel like we've seen the opposite from Xeney. We've seen many of my husband's co-workers with kids seem miserable compared to the childless ones - maybe because its guys and not women?? They seem to have nothing but worries over how they are going to support their families, and they feel trapped in horrible jobs, being forced to work longer and longer hours to keep said jobs so that they can pay for all of the things their families demand. Medical bills, private school, mortgage in a suburb. Sure, you don't need these things to have kids, but the pressure to have them is there so they work and stress and work some more. One of the saddest things I heard was a guy in the next cubicle from my husband listening to his kid's violin recital over the phone.... My husband quit from that company without finding another job first- a luxury that his coworkers with kids could not afford.

Anyway - I don't think anyone should feel bad, what ever decision they make. Having kids or not having kids is a very personal thing. You need to know if you want and are ready to do it, not just have them because it is expected and society tells you to. There are far too many unwanted / neglected kids from all walks of life - and you don't have to be poor to neglect a kid. Teenagers who commit suicide, because daddy bought them a Toyota rather than a Lexus IMHO have been neglected too, even if it wasn't in a finiancial way. If you want kids and are emotionally and financially ready for it by all means do it. If you are just having kids because you think they will make your life complete, perhaps you ought to sit down and really think about it some more.