childless?

[Bluetree]

But at some point I realized that I was lacking good role models for living a happy life without children.. That is one reason I started spending more time here at TE, honestly ... I noticed a lot woman about five to ten years older than I am, without kids, who seemed to be having pretty fulfilling lives.

Xeney, I am one of those people who never wants/wanted children. I knew it from an early age. Perhaps being an artist (a driven one at that) has something to do with it. My life revolves around creating art so I’ve never had the urge to create another human being. Similarly, I work with horses so I never have a shortage of lifeforms to nurture and care for, including working for charities that nurses back to health horses rescued from slaughterhouse pens.

I think almost all women have these needs of creation and caregiving, but I’m not convinced that having children is the only answer out there. There are a lot of wonderful, humane and selfless things that women can do to make the world a better place... and we have the power, the will and generosity of spirit to do so.

She says my concerns are ‘stupid’ and that I’ll ‘change my mind’ once I hit my mid to late 20s... I’m not so sure. I just know how people tend to look back and say “You knew how you felt in the first place- why are you suddenly bringing this up now?!” when the time to make an actual decision on something comes.

I’ve been telling people my whole life that I never wanted kids. Many of them say that “You’ll change your mind,” or “Just wait and see,” or some other nonsense. I find that response arrogant and patronizing. In my 39-years of existence, I can’t recall ever telling anyone that their personal beliefs and aspirations were a passing phase... even if I did not agree with it.

Many people who want/have kids simply cannot fathom why others don’t. My parents consider it one’s duty to procreate. My family’s ancestral home/estate dates back to the 1500s and the family tree is a wall decoration (it actually covers the whole wall). Talk about pressure! But even my lifelong refusal to breed has not dissuaded my parents’ hopes and expectations. So even if you are up front with your SOs, sometimes it never sinks in.

My agent of six years recently went through a very bad breakup with his GF, just because of this. 16 years her senior, Ed told her (and it was no secret) that he did not want to have children. Gail was convinced she could change his mind and tried for five years, getting more and more miserable and resentful until she finally had a breakdown and left him. It was sad, but in her burning desire to be a mother she never paid attention to the truth in front of her.