Asking the right questions

[Grog]

Thank you Donna for sharing this with us openly. It's a great first step, I am sure.

I can totally relate to your difficulties sharing things about your health with your husband. With both of my ex-s and, although to a lesser degree, with my current partner, it is an issue. It is hard to deal with the person you love not feeling right, and we cope with that in all sorts of manners which are not always helpful... Always in different ways, but always some issue. It might not be catastrophic for the relation, but I understand your frustration... I hope you can find a friend to share this with. I'm glad you also share it with us!!

I would certainly not let what is happening to you go unnoticed, and it will be useful to talk to a doctor. Is your current family doctor the best guy? Probably. But maybe not. If you don't feel like you can trust him with your confidence, well, maybe it's time to visit someone else. It doesn't have to be forever, but maybe you'll meet a new doctor who will feel a bit more understanding to you...

Like LBTC I agree that quitting smoking can make you feel miserable for a while. Bearing your own weight is maybe taxing your body as well. You are totally right though that you don't want to get on a crash diet. But it's likely that loosing a little bit of weight every month will help. However, I wouldn't mess with overall joint pain. It will bring you down into depression and you don't want to go there. Having some control over your body - even if it doesn't mean that the pain will completely go away - is important.

Good luck, and please get back to us.

[Tuckervill]

Donna, I feel your pain.

I know just what it's like to be afraid that my symptoms will not be taken serioiusly, or that my symptoms are so vague as to seem meaningless. I'm 44 and overweight like you. I had strange symptoms for several months that I just ignored--they didn't really add up to anything--until the ovarian cyst ruptured. During that time I didn't go to the doc because I didn't have a clear picture of what was wrong, just that something *might* be wrong. It was wrong enough eventually to send me to the ER in July.

Before that, though, I had decided that I was entitled not to be *afraid* of taking part in my own health care. I decided that it's my option to be proactive and ask for blook work and tests, etc. So the first thing I did was eliminate all male doctors from my life. I know that sounds sexist, but the fact is I live in the South and have experienced more than my share of patriarchy in all aspects of life. I decided that this one place, my femaleness and physical health, would be free of authoritarian males, no matter how subtle or enlightened they might be.

I researched until I found a GYN practice that seemed to display the same values that I had (they had a link to Planned Parenthood AND midwives on their site, which is an indicator that they are at least not closed minded). They specialized in menopause, too....and NO MALE DOCTORS. I have been very pleased, because they take every little thing as part of the whole, and don't dismiss anything on its face.

When I ended up in the hospital overnight with the ruptured cyst, the hospital docs (male OB's) were already talking removal of the ovary. No way. I followed up with my own female GYN and she was very, very conservative and very willing to follow my lead. She actually AGREED when I said I would like to get through menopause with all my parts. While my very own dad said, "You don't need your uterus anymore...why don't you take it out?" ARGHHH! (I resisted the urge to suggest he have his testicles removed for the same reason.)

So, take control of your own health care, girlfriend. Get a doctor who will listen. Yes, if you think it will be a female, go for it, and don't be afraid of being called sexist. If you are used to having your feelings dismissed by the men in your life, it will not be easy to be strong in the face of another male. And you need to be strong. Do yourself a favor and research until you find a doctor's office that will meet your needs. It wouldn't hurt to start with a GYN, because, barring anything serious wrt your symptoms, you'll need the GYN longer and more often than any other doc.

Hope the HMO doesn't screw it all up for you. Be an advocate for your own health.

Karen

[mimitabby]

so i was in a computer structure meeting a few minutes ago, and it hit me.
You quit smoking in april and you only gained 5 pounds! that's pretty darned good.

Mimi

[chickwhorips]

i just want to say i'm proud of you for making the steps in the right direction to lose weight and be healthier.

go to the doctor and get checked. if this one makes you as uncomfortable as it sounds, then find a different one, or at least one for a second opinion. its important for your health. writing down what is bothering you is a great idea for going to the doctor. that way you get everything out in that short little time, and don't miss anything. doctors seem to like to know whats going on in the short and sweetest way possible. handing him a piece of paper with everything on it give him a chance to ask you questions about each thing and you to answer and not forgit to tell him something.

i also agree with the stretching. i've noticed a big change in my aches and pains since i started doing more stretching. i have to make time to do it, no matter what.

good luck with everything and keep us updated.

[DDH]

Thanks girls for all the support, I really needed that.

No mimi, I quit in June and I gained 20 lbs and that is what made me get my bike back out and start riding, the 5 lbs is what I have gained since I started riding. I am going the wrong way. I know everyone says muscle gain, but it seems to me in 3 months somewhere there would be some weight loss, not gain. If I had at least lost inches that would be good but dont' think I have done any inch losing either.

I have an appt. for my regular doctor for the 25th of this month. If he doesn't do what I want then I will have to see another doctor that will. The HMO does screw things up a bit, I think that is why they want to fix symptoms instead of finding out what the problem is.
It seems like they want you to try this or that for a while and you have to go back 2 or 3 times before you start getting any test run or any results.
I hate that treating the symptoms attitude. I want to know whats wrong and then treat the problem. It all just seems so backwards to me.
The whole thing has me rather depressed and down and I don't feel like doing anything. I know that doesn't help either.
Just keep your fingers crossed that when I go to the appt. he will heed my words and do something, beside give me a pain pill.
I have to go to my general practitioner to begin with on the HMO, so wish me luck on that day. Don't get me wrong, he is a good doctor but I do sometimes feel like he doesn't take me seriously and have to ruff him up a little to get him to listen. Eventually he does. Just a stuborn man I guess.

[chickwhorips]

The whole thing has me rather depressed and down and I don't feel like doing anything. I know that doesn't help either.

don't let it. your a very strong woman. look how far you've come as it is.

[mimitabby]

Don't forget the stretching stuff. It helps me too. I am 55 and if it moves, it hurts. Come to think of it, other stuff hurts too.

I'd love to see you rough up that doctor!

Riding bikes sure hasn't made ME lose weight, I gained too. But I'm healthier.
Less cold feet and slower pulse!

[Dogmama]

While my very own dad said, "You don't need your uterus anymore...why don't you take it out?" ARGHHH! (I resisted the urge to suggest he have his testicles removed for the same reason.)
Karen

Now THAT is funny!!

I'm not a doctor, but I would urge you to have some blood work done. Give your doctor a copy of your written symptoms so they can add it to your chart.

Have you thought about seeing a dietician for a healthy weight loss diet? Your HMO might not cover it, but I wouldn't think you'd need multiple appointments. Some of the ladies here have had good luck with Weight Watchers.

I just don't get some DH's attitudes. What happened to "better or worse, sickness or health?"

[emily_in_nc]

I have found that a female doctor can be a better listener and more understanding of women's health issues, be they weight, menstrual issues, sexual problems, or whatever. If your current doc blows you off, you might try seeking the second opinion of a female physician.

I read a recent study that found that female doctors spend more time with their patients. Listening. And isn't that all what we all want and need?

I've had a female doctor for years, and feel like she is a friend. I could tell her anything. She always takes my concerns seriously and spends TIME with me. She never dismisses my concerns. She respects my worries, even if they are irrational at times. I would seriously miss having her as my doctor if we moved -- and I only see her 1-2 times a year!

So, just a thought. I wish you well in your quest to find out what is wrong and to forge a healthier life for yourself. And congratulations on quitting smoking. That is a great first step!

Emily

[Dogmama]

I have found that a female doctor can be a better listener and more understanding of women's health issues, be they weight, menstrual issues, sexual problems, or whatever.
Emily

My primary care is a woman and I love her. She listens to my stuff & doesn't blow me off.

My DH goes to her too. He actually opens up to her. Pretty amazing for an ex-cop.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Donna,
First, you should not be discouraged about gaining a measley 5 pounds after quitting smoking. Losing weight will take TIME. Being more active WILL help you lose weight, but remember you stopped smoking at the same time. You might have gained 20 pounds when you stopped smoking if you hadn't started biking! And for all you know, that five pounds you've gained might well be mostly MUSCLE!! I've gained about 3-5 pounds of muscle in 4 months of biking, I know that for sure.

Secondly, I don't think you should be having all this pain, it does not sound like normal soreness from activity at all. Joint pain can mean many things! You should definitely be checked over for stuff like arthritis and lyme disease and other illnesses. Go to another doctor for a fresh opinion. Get a checkup that includes bloodwork.
Are you getting enough calcium in your diet? A calcium deficiency can cause very painful joints and muscle cramps and and aching, especially at night. Your body might need more calcium than before, now that you are exercising a lot. Maybe you could force yourself to drink two big 10 oz glasses of skim or non-fat milk every day in the meantime to see if that helps after a day or two? It can't hurt to try. Non-fat milk can also help fill you up before a meal so you can eat smaller portions of fattening stuff. Also try replenishing/balancing your electrolytes like magnesium and potassium- try drinking a sports drink and eating bananas?

I happen to think my DH is the world's most wonderful man in every way. But he tends to have way more aches and pains than I do, and he nurses himself enthusiastically through his various "illnesses". We all have our little quirks. I do give him sympathy, and I do take some of his pains seriously. Other times I get impatient with his bouts and just keep my mouth shut and go about my own day. My point is, don't be too hard on your husband's occasional lack of sympathy for your aches and problems. Even if you love someone, we are only human, and it can be tiring hearing about aches and problems too often. If he LOVES you, that's all that's important, just keep remembering that.

[Dogmama]

[QUOTE=Lisa S.H.;136839]Donna,
I've gained about 3-5 pounds of muscle in 4 months of biking, I know that for sure.
QUOTE]

Really! How did you measure it?

[Patti37]

I had some of the same problems and more. I just did not know how to explain it to my doctor.

What I did was keep an daily journal of all my aches and pains. I started to included what I did and what I ate that day.

It really helped with my PCP. When I finally went to the rheumatologist, he knew all the right questions to ask.

Edited to say I should read the whole thread before I post...My diagnosis did end up being Rheumatoid Arthritis. They did a whole battery of blood work that did include testing for Lyme disease.

[doc]

Just some thoughts: Ask your doctor about fibromyalgia and related diagnoses. These are pain syndromes that are very difficult to diagnose and you would likely need a referral to a specialist. The specialist who manages this would be different in different places, could be rheumatology, could be the pain team in a large hospital, etc

[bcipam]

As another person who carries too much weight myself, I share your pain and anguish. But you probably already know this, there is no magic answer. Folks who use diet pills, go on medical diet (like Optifast), use diet programs (like nutrisystems or weight watchers) still have problems. In fact, most folks gain most of their weight back, if not more, once they stop the diet. Why? Because they have not learned what is proper to eat or not eat.

First thing I had to do was admit I am fat. I'm fat! Not big bones, fluffy, whatever, FAT - I eat too much. Not only do I eat too much I eat the wrong things. I admit this. I know I need to be more food concious like alot of the ladies on this forums. I need to eat small portions of fruits, vegetables and whole grains and stay away from the french fries and chocolate shakes, and Claim Jumper size portions, but I don't.

So where does that put me? Well at the point I have to acknowledge I have a problem and just how motivated I am to deal with the problem. There is no quick fix. It's a life long problem and my overeating needs to be controlled, every day, every hour, every minute. I am not so different than an alchoholic or drug user.

I like the AA model, take one day at a time. Praise God for each step in the right direction. Keep exercising. Keep moving. Cycling is really good for someone overweight as it is easy on the joints. You cannot lose weight unless you exercise and that means exercise for the rest of your life, not until you lose 50 lbs. FOREVER!

I'm hoping this does not sound harse. It's just I'm there too and I've learned to be realistic. I know what I am and what I need to do. I still respect myself as a person even though I am overweight. I don't expect others to respect me though just like I would not expect others to respect a drug user, but I know I am a good person and I am capable and worthy of acheiving my weight loss goal. One day, one hour, one minute at a time!

Keep at it. Let us know how you are doing. The women here are sooooooo supportive and caring.