how to deal with the death of a fellow cyclist

[Nanci]

Silver, how sad. I'm sorry. I'm glad the guy wasn't alone when it happened, though. There have been several fatalities in my city recently, and some non-fatal hits. A woman from our cycling club has been in the hospital where I work for weeks- broken back, broken ribs, broken femur- but got to go to rehab last week finally. It was like a daily reminder, seeing her name in the computer every day. She's lucky.

I know what you mean about injuries not appearing that bad. Maybe someone from the cycling club will have more information. One thing that easily kills people is when the aorta is injured during a sudden deceleration.

I copied this from the bicycle safe website. It's not much, but it's something.

The Left Cross

A car coming towards you makes a left turn right in front of you, or right into you.

How to avoid this collision:

1. Don't ride on the sidewalk. When you come off the sidewalk to cross the street, you're invisible to turning motorists.

2. Get a headlight. If you're riding at night, you should absolutely use a front headlight. It's required by law in most countries, anyway.

3. Wear something bright, even during the day. It may seem silly, but bikes are small and easy to see through even during the day. Yellow or orange reflective vests really make a big difference. Reflective leg bands are also easy and inexpensive.

4. Don't pass on the right. Don't overtake slow-moving vehicles on the right. Doing so makes you invisible to left-turning motorists at intersections. Passing on the right means that the vehicle you're passing could also make a right turn right into you, too.

5. Slow down. If you can't make eye contact with the driver (especially at night), slow down so much that you're able to completely stop if you have to. Sure, it's inconvenient, but it beats getting hit.

[RoadRaven]

Like Annie, this has taken several reads through to process and be ready to respond... and I have nothing insightful to add... only how dreadfully I feel for you and all those involved...

We had the death of a member in our club earlier this year, caused by bikes colliding, no car involved... by boy is it hard to process something like this.

Definately seek a counsellor, it can really help to have somebody who is outside the situation to unload on...

My thoughts are with you, as are so many from here at TE.

[bikerchick68]

Silver... how scary and traumatic to witness this horrific loss of life... a sad day for all to be sure...

I work with a Crisis Response Team and you've definitely received some good advice already here... I want to post one link that you may find helpful, specifically about the grieving process:

http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

your feeling that he didn't "look" like his injuries were that bad is very, very normal... the denial part of grieving... internal injuries are not visible to the eye, so the normal assumption is that the person will be fine. You may go in and out of the stages of grieving... and there is no "set" timeline in which this will happen. You may be angry one day, despondent the next... then angry again. If you find that you feel stuck in the process, seek help. A self help group... a counselor, whatever assistance you can find. You can call your local Hospice and ask for referrals... here there are an abundance of groups available.

Also, here is another link you may like to have... an online grieving sight that has been checked and cleared for us to use as a referral by our local police dept...

www.groww.org

they have online memorials plus message boards where others may have experienced the same type of loss.

hugs to you...

[mary9761]

(((((((Silver)))))))) I hadn't heard about this accident before you posted. Where did this happen? Were you down in Bloomington? I'm so sorry for you, the rider and his friends and family.
Do you still plan on going to the Hilly? If you are still coming, look for me in the snackbar area at registration and I will give you a REAL HUG to replace the virtual hug I just gave you.

[silver]

Mary, I live in Southern Indiana and visit Bloomington often. I'm hoping that maybe you can find the info based on that without me posting more specific info. It happened in Southern Indiana.

I was unsure at first but feel now that I will ride still ride the Hilly. I will ride with a "in Memory of..." sign on my back. I plan to try to ride tomorrow and see how I feel.

Will you be at the snackbar on Friday night? I'll be sure to find you whereever you are.

[mary9761]

Mary, I live in Southern Indiana and visit Bloomington often. I'm hoping that maybe you can find the info based on that without me posting more specific info. It happened in Southern Indiana.

I was unsure at first but feel now that I will ride still ride the Hilly. I will ride with a "in Memory of..." sign on my back. I plan to try to ride tomorrow and see how I feel.

Will you be at the snackbar on Friday night? I'll be sure to find you whereever you are.

I'll do some looking and see what I can find. I will watch for your sign as well.

I will be at the snackbar Friday night. I'm supposed to be there around 4 pm on Friday afternoon and work the snacks after I get checked in myself. I hope to see you then. I made a name tag last year with Mary9761 on it to wear along with my ID for the Hilly Volunteer. I'm going to find it and make sure I wear one again this year.

[silver]

Thank you to everyone for your continued thoughts. It has helped me so much. I was very busy today so I didn't have much time to think about it. But tomorrow I plan to try to ride again. I don't know if it will bring flashbacks. I'm also waiting to hear of the funeral arrangements. I want to go even though I only knew him for about 45 minutes...they were his last 45 minutes. And he made such a huge impression on me in that small amount of time.

I'm also working up a small memorial to put on my website.

thanks you for everyone's support