hubby

[bounceswoosh]

This and a few other threads make me realize how great my s.o. (happens to be male) is. My husband is very supportive of all of my wacky pursuits, from martial arts to skiing to mountain biking ... even though he doesn't want to get involved in actually practicing martial arts, he thinks it's cool that I do/have done so.

Everyone's relationship needs are different, but I would suffocate in a relationship where I didn't have a great deal of freedom to do what I need to do. There's a great big world out there just full of experiences, and I think it would be a shame to miss out on something fun. As far as I can tell, you just don't get another chance ...

[ragbrai40]

My husband has never given me a hard time about riding, he's been very supportive. He's never said too much about my long weekend rides (I try to do them in the mornings so the rest of the day is free) or about the evenings I ride and dinner is late getting started, or he makes it himself.

The only issue was when I bought my road bike. I traded in a stationary bike (bought from the LBS) and sold some stock in order to justify the cost. He blinked several times when he saw *the bill*, but now I think he realizes that it was a good investment.

This past summer, on my request he agreed to train and ride RAGBRAI with me. He borrowed his brother's bike, trained and completed the ride. Unfortunately the borrowed bike started to have mechanical issues 1/2 way through the ride and he had a couple of very tough riding days as a result. One of our friends riding with us had an extra bike that he was able to use and the rest of the ride was great.

In fact he's been looking at road bikes for himself. Except he CAN'T get one better than mine, or I'm trading up!

The point of this long post is that before he rode he didn't understand my biking passion but supported it, but now that he's ridden, we've found something that we both enjoy and can do together.

There might be a future thread about "creating a monster", but for now it's hopeful optimism that this will work!

[Trek420]

a question for the TE'rs with husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners oh heck...SIGNIFICANT OTHERS who support your bike habit....how many have considered making the jump to tandem?

Seperate bikes so you can leave 'em in the dust or the togetherness of a tandem?

[ragbrai40]

We always thought about a tandem, that is until we rode together this summer! There is no way we'd survive!

Gotta have my own bike to do my own thing!

Seperate bikes so you can leave 'em in the dust

More truth in that than you know! I'm sure once he gets his *own* bike things will be different!

[emily_in_nc]

We had ridden a tandem 12+ years ago and liked it very much; however, I didn't even ride a single then. Got out of the bike thing for years, then finally back again two years ago. I was still slower than hubby, so we bought a high-end whiz-bang tandem last summer to complement our single bikes.

What a disaster! Neither of us liked it, though we could go very fast and beat all our training buddies, even uphill! But hubby didn't like having to call out every little stop, shift change, turn, hill, etc., and I didn't like not being able to see in front of me ONE BIT after being used to riding my own bike. I also didn't like not being able to brake and shift when I wanted to. Girl's gotta have some control, I guess!

We did ride a flat century on the tandem last fall and did very well, then hung it up in our garage where it sat until this summer. We just had no desire to ride it, but were riding our singles (both together and apart) as often as we could. Finally, I put it up on eBay and sold it. It was an experiment that failed.

However, we know many tandeming couples who love it and many don't even desire to ride singles any more. But it is not the answer for all - and we've been married for 19 years so are pretty darn compatible in other ways!

It's an expensive mistake to make since you'll never get all your money back selling it (we lost $1500 even though we had < 300 miles on it), so if you can find one to rent or borrow for more than one ride, it will give you a better idea if taking the plunge will work for you. Tandems aren't cheap, especially good ones that you'll actually want to ride.

Emily

[Veronica]

We bought a tandem after doing our first century on our mountain bikes with slicks because we got passed by so many tandems on the ride! We had the tandem for almost a year before I bought a single. A couple of months later, Thom bought a single as well. We like having a choice about what kind of riding we'll do. We mix it up a lot, sometimes mountain biking, sometimes singles, sometimes the tandem.

Once bad weather comes, Thom's single goes into the trainer (we both ride 54 cm Rivs.) It works for us.

Veronica

[maryellen]

My partner thought we should rent a tandem on vacation--her theory was that I could provide all the power and she could just hang out and steer. Given some basic difficulties in communication, I suspect a tandem ride would result in a tandem crash very quickly!

[Veronica]

Ahh, the basic tandem misconception. Nobody should be just hanging out. Usually I'm the stoker when Thom and I ride. But I did a women's only ride with a friend and learned to captain. Personally I found it kind of stressful, no matter who was stoking for me - Thom or my friend. Both were amazingly supportive, but I was really aware that if the bike got dumped, I would be at fault. Plus I don't really think about downshifting too much when stopping on my single. It's a must for a tandem. And my stops and starts were never as smooth as I would have liked. It was a good experience and I would do it again for that ride. It's good to get out of your comfort zone every now and then.

Communication is a must on the tandem. Thom doesn't tell me about any bumps. I told him to stop. I have a Thudbuster seat post and a Brooks saddle. Between the two I don't feel very many bumps. We have a lot of nonverbal communication that goes on. I think it's because we're about the same size. He shifts at about the same time I would. I can see over his shoulder so I can anticipate stops. And I try to ride with what I think of as a light touch on the pedals. That doesn't mean not putting in any effort, but rather being responsive to any sudden changes he makes.

Veronica

[MomOnBike]

I didn't realize how lucky I am with my husband. He bought Walter (Raleigh Gran Prix) for me on our 1st anniversery - and then, when I smoked him on his old bike, went out and bought himself something he could keep up on.

20-some odd years later we both own and ride the same bikes, both together and seperately. We go out to dinner, movies, concerts in the park and just ride to ride.

He commutes on his bicycle. I work at home but do errand-running with Walter.

I was blissfully unaware that something I love to do and is good for me could be a problem. Call me naive.

After much consideration, we will not be getting a tandem in this lifetime. Our biking styles are just too different. I need more control over where I'm going and he gets lost too easily. Also, as much as I like to look at his backside , I prefer a view of the road when out and about. Not to mention a difference in cadence. Nope, wouldn't work.

Gee, I guess I'm bragging, I didn't mean to. As in all relationships, we have our rough moments (duh!), they just aren't bike related.

Just remember that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. And enjoy the ride - tandem or otherwise.

[Tek]

No offense ladies, but you have just given me more reasons why I never want to get married or even have a live-in lover.

I couldn't not deal with that. I love my independence far too much!

[kpc]

Doesn't offend! Everyone has to pick their own style. Single can be excellent too. To my taste, with a partner or single, doesn't matter so much as my own state of mind.

[bounceswoosh]

Tek -- believe me, all significant others are not created equal. Staying single is infinitely better than being hitched to the wrong person, but there are a few rare folks out there who really do have a positive impact. Now, whether that's "better" than being single -- that I can't say. It's just a matter of trade-offs.

Anyway, as if anyone asked me, I'd say that going out looking for a s.o. is the wrong way to go about things -- but if you happen to meet someone who works well for you, well, that can be a good thing.

[Maine-iac]

I'd love to do the tandem thing, but my S.O. just isn't a bike lover. We both have things we like independently and have similar interests as well. She can sit on the beach for hours----I hate the sand and can't sit still long enough...good time for a ride. Later we can meet up for a hike or poking aroud the antique stores. Makes a good balance for us..time together and time alone.

[ChainsOflove]

I can't even believe this thread!! God bless Singledom

[Trek420]

ChainsOflove wrote "God bless Singledom"

I agree, it's much better being single than being in a bad relationship. I also don't think it helps to beat oneself over the head and shoulders about being single, but to enjoy the freedom allowed.

I'm lucky to have good friends including workout buddies. Unfortunately or fortunately whichever.... my workout partners are allmost all straight, both the men and women. In martial arts, my other activity is almost alllllllll men and I'm just "one of the guys". My dates (women) have been most all sedentary in lifestyle (one told me she thought I have "two screws loose" because I ride...no second date for her!) or if active much less so than I. It would be ideal to share activities interests with ones SO, but that takes time, or luck or both . Check out related thread, so thrilling when that happens in a family:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showt...&threadid=1610

it seems easier to balance different interests (you adventure race, the love of your life knits) within an established partnership I think and harder early on unless your SO is extroardinarily patient, empathatic.