Quote Originally Posted by limewave
He does get into these spells where he stops contributing to the household duties and works really long hours. I think its because he's so stressed out at work. He has his own business--which is more pressure than I can even imagine. I try to be the supportive wife, but sometimes it gets to me too.

Oh, Limewave......

Oh dear, this is going to be long -- back story that if I could figure out how to shorten it a bit and maybe make some sort of coherent story here...

Yes, if it's his own business, I KNOW what you're living with -- Mine, who is the same one who was so proud of himself for getting a laundry basket that HE takes to the laundry room (IF I'm out of town and it's full to overflowing) had his own business for several years. There IS no downtime when you do that. I remember Earl being at work for 16 hours many days, and sometimes for like 40 hours straight when deadlines were coming. He'd go to work at 4 in the morning sometimes, so he could work a while before phones would start ringing, because once they did, he felt like he didn't get anything done the rest of the day.

He had partners, and they had several employees, so in many ways the responsibility wasn't just to supporting his own wife and children (yes, mine were little like your mini-wave). In many ways, he was responsible for the well-being, of 16 families. Having your own business is a 24/7 job if you're going to be good at it. And I'm pretty certain you wish you had at least six more hours and three more days in each week too!

Business climate for small start up companies being better in rural Minnesota than in the "big city," he also uprooted us from family and friends. Fortunately, I was able to continue being an at-home mom (unlike you) because there was NO way he could/would have helped out around the house. He did help some when we painted the house, and when we re-built the deck to make it bigger. He HATED that sort of work -- just not his thing, but he wasn't having anything to do with me on the extension ladder doing the second story of the back side of the house (gee, he DOES care!) even though it scared the bejeezus out of him to be up there. On the other hand, that was far less than a quarter of the house, I had to work on it while the girls were napping, or before they got up in the morning -- and I got an awful lot of the deck building too, along with snow shoveling, lawn mowing, plumbing, electrical, septic system maintenance (is that plumbing?) and just about every bit of kid-tending. Grocery shopping was a day-trip.

So, long story short, it's a REALLY stressful life for him, given that he wants his business to succeed. Most likely, he really DOES need space and quiet (but probably puts the TV ridiculously loud!) because of all the demands for attention and action all day long. I DO understand why he wants to come home and "hide" as it were.

And it's a REALLY challenging life for you, being the support person to a small business owner. It's gotta be especially hard to have been at work all day and have to come home to chores. I think I remember reading somewhere back in this thread that it might be helpful to pick some things that you can live with letting go -- lawn a little longer, beds unmade(mites won't like this, which is good!), whatever makes life easier for both of you! Hang in there -- I consider that era a great learning experience, even though it was sometimes mighty miserable!

After several years, DH sold his business and had more free time. This was quite an adjustment for all of us!

You didn't mention how he is with mini-wave. Please tell him something for my husband -- he thought he had forever with the girls, and suddenly, our oldest was learning to drive. He tells his friends with small children now, to be sure to enjoy them, because it's over before you know it. I know they're probably both mighty tired when he gets home, but maybe bedtime stories? Little girls need to know their daddies love them!

Well, I suppose none of this fixes anything, but maybe it helps a little to know that there's someone out here who's lived what you're living and survived?

Karen in Boise