Lost the Love - will it come back?

[emily_in_nc]

Yes, you can definitely take a break and come back later! I've done it many times. I've been riding off and on for close to 20 years now, since my DH sweetly bought me my first road bike for a long-ago birthday (he hid it in the guest bath shower behind the curtain, so cute!) Since then I've had countless bikes (a recumbent, an upright tandem, a 10' recumbent tandem, a hybrid, three additional road bikes, a Bike Friday, and two mountain bikes!!) I've taken breaks for as long as 3-4 years off bike, but something always draws me back in, I get seriously addicted, but at some point, I stop to focus on other things for awhile and take years off.

I took several years off while dealing with our infertility too. We went through years of trying, surgery, tests, two ICSIs, and a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. It was an emotionally wrenching time in both of our lives, and our focus was definitely not on bikes at that time!

Started riding seriously again several years ago, thought I'd never quit again, but a cycling accident resulting in a fractured pelvis in April 2005 sidelined me for several months. Then after slowly getting back out on the roads, I was blindsided again when my beloved father died in a car accident last October. After that, I just couldn't bring myself to ride for many months. It was a combination of grief, fear, insecurity....I just didn't have any desire.

Finally, the desire did start returning. I first started mountain biking earlier this summer, which felt safer than the road, and just within the last few weeks, I finally felt ready to ride on the road again. But on my terms. I'm not doing fast-paced, aggressive club rides or even aggressive rides with my DH, who, like yours, is much faster on climbs, causing me to work so hard that rides sometimes lose the "fun" factor. Instead, we're riding to the farmer's market and food co-op with panniers on our Bike Fridays, averaging 12-13 mph, smiling and waving at everyone, and having 10x more fun!

So, take your break; take as long as you need. Do other things and don't feel bad about riding! While I wasn't riding, we had so much fun hiking and gardening, and I discovered a love for mountain biking when I tried that that I might never have found if I'd kept on road riding. I also found a friend at work to mtb with, and we have such fun riding once a week together. She's better than me, but there's no competition. We gossip and laugh and have girl time, and it's something I do just for "me" instead of always riding only with my DH.

And when you do come back, maybe do some different types of rides. Find a girlfriend or friends to ride with, or a slower-paced social club ride. Riding doesn't all have to be about increasing your average speed and killing yourself to keep up with your husband. That can be fun and exiliarating at times too (been there, done that), but it can also be frustrating and lead to severe burnout on the bike! I've been there too, and I've had tearful rides when I got dropped and felt like such a loser. Now my rides are slower, more casual, and a heck of a lot more fun. Even my DH (former hammerhead) is having more fun going slow with me instead of pushing himself to do A-paced club rides.

You are perfectly normal -- and your bike (or a new one fit just for you!!!) will be patiently waiting when you're ready for it again.

Emily

[Tuckervill]

The whole time I was reading your post, I thought about how much your riding was about HIM, not you. You were constantly comparing yourself to him, and doing it for him and it wasn't your thing.

Sure, it's fun to do stuff together, but where's your individuality? Especially in something so individual as cycling?

What's wrong with riding apart? If we could all ride like men there would be women in the TDF. I'd say find cycling for your own reasons and if you like it, do it your way, not to please him.

I'll bet your bike will be waiting for you when you get around to wanting to ride again. or not. It's your choice. As it should be.

Karen

[DebW]

Very nice post here by PAP103 about remembering why she rides:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=7695

[Crankin]

Emily echoed my reasons for keeping cycling fun. Every year, about this time I get burned out and somewhat sick of cycling. Give yourself permission to take days off and find different types of people to ride with. My opinion is that if you keep it fun and not always about how fast or far you go, you won't get sick of it. I was an aerobics addict for many years, got certified to teach classes and then after about 8 years of that I couldn't stand it. I quit teaching the classes, quit going to classes, and got heavy instead of finding another activity. Thankfully this occured at the same tiome my husband got me into cycling. Everything is a cycle.
Most of the other women I ride with ride slower than me. This keeps me sane and "under control." Somehow, I've managed to increase my speed and distance without a training program, just by riding with my husband or by myself, when i can push myself. My husband now does not care so much about speed. He hammers when he commutes to work, but when we ride together, we are TOGETHER. There have been a few times in the last year when health issues forced him to ride slower than me! It was humbling for him and it made him realize that speed doesn't matter. The goal is to keep doing this until we keel over. I enjoy riding my mountain bike because even though I am a perpetual newbie and slow on the trail, it's different and fun. Most people still think I'm a crazy cycling addict even though I know I am "keeping myself under control!"

Robyn

[SouthernBelle]

After reading your post, I thought of several things, most of which have already been posted. But the primary thing is that your riding seems to be about your husband and not about what you enjoy. I would have resented the hand-me-down bike no end.

I say take the winter off from anything pedally. Find something else to do at the gym. Then reassess next spring. If you start looking at new bikes wishfully, then you might end up riding because you love it, and not because your DH does.

[Nokomis]

Thank you all so very much! Honestly, I didn't expect so much support in needing to walk away from the bike - but you're absolutely right!

I really shouldn't have read all this from work - trying really hard not to tear up, but again, from my heart ~ thank you.

[PinkBike]

whoa, you ladies have really got me thinking.
i love to ride and love to get better and faster.
DH and i ride together all the time, but i'm the one who is faster and pushes harder.
we ride together every day when we commute, and we stay together on group rides, but in races i always jump out and try to get a good time.
so, now i'm thinking i should maybe stick with him in the races so it's more fun for him. on our first century ride, we stayed together the whole way and we shared drafting, and we both had a great time. but there was no clock ticking, either. so, should i stay with him and have a shared experience? or do i follow my body that's just poised to attack from the start? he's really proud of me when i post a good time, but then again maybe he feels bad when he's stranded back in the pack alone. i just dunno............
what to do, what to do??