I'm getting entirely different picture from what you are saying.

Sounds like both of you are under a ton of stress. (two jobs - long hours - your avatar says you have young kids) Your DH sounds depressed to me more than anything. And you sound like you need a break.

You can't fix him. He's gotta do that himself.

But you can fix you. Take the break. Take a day or two off of work to just do stuff you like. Take a night or a Saturday off from the house with a friend who makes you laugh.

Then see how it looks.

One thing is for sure, if you try to fix this stuff when you are already angry about it, you probably do more damage than good. If you try to fix it when you're a good space, it's alittle easier to work on.