I used to have major problems with "gotta go this second," much to the amusement of my friends. I think, though, since moving to Florida, I only had one instance, requiring a quick trip to the dumpster behind Chik-Fil-A. The most public was an underpass, between many, many lanes of rush hour traffic, Minneapolis, right in front of a car load of my friends. Then there was the Thanksgiving incident, out in the country, but the first Thanksgiving with soon-to-be-in-laws. Picture gruff, farmer-type FIL leaning out the window with a roll of paper towels...

But the most memorable, though most private, was this:

I was at night school, Spanish class. Evening. I had this "feeling" that I'd better get to the BR now!!! I did. Major diarrhea, but then I felt fine, and after class continued to my 11-7 job. Driving down the highway, late at night, nothing open, I feel it coming on. So I decide to bolt for home, about 20 miles. Driving, speeding, squeezing it in...at about 15 miles out- I can't make it. (I'm wearing white jeans, BTW!!) But it's a relief, in a way. Well, the damage is done. I'll just go home and call in sick. Driving, driving, another 10 miles, I have to go more!! I mean, a lot!! Crap. Oh well. Almost home now. I get to the end of my driveway, and the urge strikes again! But I'm not going to go in my pants a third time, so I slam on the brakes, jump out of the truck, run frantically to the row of four-deep baby pines bordering the yard. I'm still 1000 feet from my house- long country driveway. I rip off everything below the waist and squat with relief in the trees. And go and go and go. Suddenly, there is a rustling behind me, and before I can react, a DEER jumps OVER my head (jumping our fence, I guess, and coincidentally over me!!) and I fall face down, screeching in terror...Then figure out it was a deer. Get up, go back to the truck, leaving all clothes in the trees, and wrap a quilt from the truck around my waist, and drive to the house. My husband is surprised to see me, and says "I guess I have to clean out the truck!" I say- "Do not say another work, do not laugh, call my work and tell them I am not coming in tonight!!" and proceed to the bathroom for yet another round...

I'm so glad I grew out of whatever made me do that!