Stolen from the "boys forum"

The chief export of Floyd Landis is pain.
Floyd Landis does not sleep. He waits.
Floyd Landis doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Floyd Landis doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

and

"Floyd Landis is the father of every kid in this town!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Floyd Landis went hunting? Landis decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"Landis once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"Landis' family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Landis' nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"