Dear So and So

[Catrin]

The rest of the story is our mom died in September, and the sister in question and her were tied at the hip in a very dysfunctional relationship for many years. My sister's personality has always been on the rigid side and very controlled. Our mom was, I will just say that she was ill and leave it at that. So she met this guy on a Christian dating site a couple of months after Mom passed, and while I don't care WHERE she met him, things went very fast. I mean the happiest married couple I know started out as a mail order bride advertisement from eastern Europe 30+ years ago! THEY took much longer to tie the knot however, they took time with each other.

So I am hearing from both niece and my baby sister. My youngest sister is flying out to help my niece with her wedding, I wish that I could afford to do that but it is good that one of her aunts is with her. My youngest sister, who has a hot temper, has already gone off on the sister in question and told her exactly what she thinks of the marriage and of her treatment of her daughter. I am trying very hard not to do that as it isn't productive, and I've not actually met anyone yet. So, as of now, I will be staying with my sister and her menagerie and new family for two nights. I want to go into the situation with as open a mind as possible. I was the rebellious/trouble-maker/self-destructive one back in the day and I know how easy it can be for the wrong type of person to take advantage of someone when that person is vulnerable - which is what I am concerned has happened to her. Back in the day I had an invisible sign on my back that said "all sociopaths apply here", so I know how things can go.

I will be traveling down in two weeks, and having lunch with my niece and other sister before I see her and meet this new family. I want to be able to look at the situation objectively - it may simply be that this quirky man she has married really IS the right guy for her, but I've concerns. Not that I can do anything about them.

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, and if anyone has dealt with something like this, or helpful thoughts on how best to approach this situation when I go down there please don't hesitate to let me know - and messages are fine if you prefer.