My dear beloved Doberman,

The UPS guys and all who wander up to our house are not afraid of sweet little you, who could resist your goofy smile and cute pointy ears at half mast? They are, however, afraid of being goosed by your giant nose that goes in places it never ever should! Regulars to our house now fan their hands behind their butts in a futile attempt to keep you at bay. And I really appreciate the continuous goose from the hall to the kitchen table while those guys installing the stove were chatting with me. I'd like to pinch your nose hard sometime but you would look so stricken and hurt, so we do our best to be just a little faster than your advancing nose.

Love,
The girl you adore (it's mutual).