Dear Cat,

I'm very happy to see you're back to being Queen of The Universe, nonchalant mistress of all you survey, and snotty guardian of the entire block. But do you have to be such a drama queen? Your loyal and loving servants get quite worried when you spend an entire day looking unhappy and upset, just because you had to go through the ordeal of coming home again.

I know you had a fine and spoiled time spending three days at my in-laws, and you're obviously at home here, and the car drive between takes all of twenty minutes, so what IS all the moping about? I was ready to take you to the vet, until I remembered you're a flaming hypochondriac.