Dear dog,

What's up with chasing off cats when they try to join us in bed at night? Are you trying to raise your status in the heirarchy? Are you defending your stash of chew toys in the room? Are you trying to defend me? I like having the cats join us; please get over it. You are the number one dog, even if at least one cat outranks you. The cats aren't interested in your treasures, either.

If this keeps up, you might find yourself spending the night locked away in a bathroom.