As a former teacher, I highly recommend the book SFA talked about, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... It might not be perfect, but I have seen it work many times, with parents who were desperate. You've received a lot of good advice, to which I will add, to remember that you are the parent. It sounds silly, but a lot of parents give in and try to deal with these difficult parenting situations by being the child's "friend." From my own parenting experience, I think I was way more liberal and progressive about lots of things than other parents, but my kids also knew that while we "worked together" through difficult situations, in the end, we were the adults. My younger son was difficult, had ADD, though not really hyper, and was always the "odd one" in our family. He still is, at age 25. But, he is a wonderful young man, a good husband, and will be a great dad someday. I guess what I'm saying is that while your DD's basic personality may not change over the years, she can still grow into an awesome person; it just might seem like light years away now!