Have you read Kids are Worth It? (Barbara Coloroso) Totally shifted my perspective on control, power, etc...I found it totally uplifting and grounding. Might want to try that one in addition to the reading you've been doing. And Playful Parenting. Loved it. Sorry I can't help much beyond the book recommendations - but hang in there. I've heard that can be a tough age. We're still living in toddler land at our house.