OMG This hurts SO bad

[RolliePollie]

My heart is broken. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying. I've lost 6 pounds in the last week. I had to leave work early today because I was falling apart.

So my best friend of the last four years is a single guy. Neither of us have dated anyone else since we've been friends. I knew I had feelings for him that were too strong, but I didn't realize how strong. He has been very clear with me that he was only interested in friendship, so I decided to respect that and to appreciate him and our friendship. Problem is, I seem to have fallen in the Big L Word with him sometime along the way.

And now, despite his saying millions of times that it's not worth it to get involved and he's going to be single forever, he is seeing his old college girlfriend from 25 years ago. I am beyond devastated. I talked to him yesterday (while bawling my brains out) and he said he had no idea how I felt and he feels terrible that I'm hurt. He just kept staring at me with the weirdest expression on his face. He said he hopes we can still be friends. I said I hope so too. But I don't think we can be. I think I have to stay away from him for good. I think yesterday will be the last time I talk to him for a very long time.

My heart is broken and I've lost my best friend. And he lives on my street so I can't really get away from him. And seeing her car over there several nights this past week hasn't helped either. I have never felt so devastated in my entire life. I can't believe that boom, just like that, he is no longer part of my life. I have no idea what to do with myself.

Thank you for reading my pathetic rant.