Moms, childhood issues, and certified letters

[arielmoon]

When I was in college my parents got divorced. It was pretty messy and my mom decided I had sided with my dad when he came to me to tell me he wanted leave my mother and I told him I wanted him to be happy. This after hearing how unhappy my mother was since I was about 8. Anywho, my mother was a debutante and she insisted I do it too even though I said I didnt want to for years. It went against things I believed in and I refused to be all cutsie with girls that wouldnt talk to me in high school.

I got a long certified letter telling me what an ungraceful child I was. She listed all the things she did for me- driving me to swim practice and soccer and basketball and so on. The gist of this was that she did all this for me not because she loved me but because she wanted something in return. Well, I didnt speak to her for 5 years after that. Then I decided that life was too short and I just forgave her in my heart. She never apologized but one day she sent me a tape of some uplifting something or other and admitted she made mistakes raising us kids. (My older brother had gotten a similar certified letter and he didnt speak to her for 6 years).

My mother wrecked me mentally as a child to the point that I didnt trust her to tell what was going on in my life. I learned to shut her out when I would hear her telling all her friends what I had confided in her. Going away to boarding school was a blessing for me and I could finally breath. At different times I have been tempted to tell her how hellish she made my childhood but I honestly cant see what good it would do. She did the best she could at the time.

These days she doesnt even attempt to tell me what to do or be manipulative although she tries it on my siblings.

My advice is not to play the game but also be compassionate and forgiving. For whatever reason she is going back to the past to rehash. I think you should let look to the future!