Quote Originally Posted by MartianDestiny View Post
Shootingstar, sorry to bust your bubble, but love is not "just reality". My mother and I have not spoken in something like 7 years, she's been 90% or more out of my life since I was 12. I'm almost certain there is some undiagnosed mental issues playing into this on her part, but she's never sought help, so I can't work within those parameters. I don't love her; I don't even know her. My only emotional attachments to her are the scars and issues she left me with. My dog, my father, my stepmother sure, I love them, but not someone that I haven't seen or heard from in 7+ years and who did a darn good job of screwing up my life and emotional well being before then.

It's not a given, and a lot of what will determine bmc's decision is how far down that road of un-attachment she is and whether or not she wants to be there.

I tried for quite a few years before realizing that I could continue trying to love my mother despite everything or be a stable, sane person and that those two objectives were unfortunately mutually exclusive. Most of those years of trying were more out of feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I didn't love my mother than out of love in the end; though I didn't see that at the time.
Sorry to hear this Martiandestiny.

We literally have a minimal language base with our mother..meaning we have lost so much Chinese fluency that it can be difficult to communicate complicated issues and feelings ...by phone or in person. However it has taken several years to figure out what expressions of love works between her and each of us.

She phoned me a few weeks ago to wish me happy birthday. She said this in English to me..because we never learned what the Chinese version. I thanked her but said in such a way..was to thank her..for bringing me into this world. I really meant what I felt and said. And I really think she did phone me to wish me well.

So very simple words can have big, deep meanings in some family conversations.