Christmas Drama

[GraysonKelly]

So my mom called the other day. She wants to fly me home for Christmas. Please excuse my utter lack of enthusiasm.

I don't want to go home. To make matters worse we're apparently having Christmas at my little brother's place with his perfect little family and his wonderful job and blah blah blah. My mom puts my brothers on a pedestal and makes me feel like crap. I've told her I can't really get the time off being so new in my job but that's not working. I can't tell if she feels guilty or is sincere. So yeah I feel like butt right now. I'd rather just buy myself a trainer, or a BMX bike and call it good. My family doesn't get my hobbies and I'd rather just opt out and treat myself to something. And, mom has a new girlfriend I don't even know and meeting her at Christmas has zero appeal.

Meh, I used to love Christmas but every year it sucks more and more. My older brother owns his house and has a great girlfriend and a great job, little brother is married with a kid and is a sheriff's deputy, and there's me who got engaged to a guy they all hated and got cheated on. Go me!

Second problem, since I probably can't get out of gifts. My brothers are both involved as I mentioned and I end up buying gifts for my brother and their SO and I get an "us" gift. Sucks for me because it ain't cheap buying them all gifts. What is the proper etiquette here? Can I do the same? Nice household gift for my married brother, maybe a restaurant gift certificate for my older bro and his girlfriend?

Baaaah friggin humbug! I just want someone who loves me this much, in zebra please: http://www.intensebmx.com/racebikes/IBK9RPX-1.html

Love and Cookies!
-HillBill
The Grinch Who Hates Christmas

Hi Smurf,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. I mostly agree with what everyone else has said. You're feeling are not wrong. I'm not a professional by any means but when I was going through something similar I had to find my own happiness and my own peace with myself and my family. While we have certainly gone through a lot, we haven't worked through anything as a family. My parents are where they are and I'm where I am. I honestly think I'm a little happier than they are. I agree that you should form your own traditions and make it something that you can look forward to again.

I love Christmas. I load up the CD player with music. I sing, I dance, I love it. I put up a tree. I decorate. I go to Church. I get myself a treat. I love my family but I can't be with them too much. And I refuse to let them make me feel guilty or bad about what they have that I don't. I may not be wholly satisfied with my life right now, but I'm happy.

I'm sure you're mother does what to see you. But maybe you could ask her to save that money for a ticket until after the holidays then go see her one on one. Then maybe you two could spend some time doing stuff. You could take her somewhere that shows her a part of you. My mom didn't get me until she saw me in that element and realized how happy I was. Maybe the same can happen for you.

Above all, love yourself and try to find the magic again. The magic of loving yourself, letting go of the past and hurt, and the magic of Christmas. It sounds corny, I know.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas.
Hugs and Love,
Gray