Quote Originally Posted by Raindrop View Post
It does help that I can confide in cyberspace because right now, my face-to-face encounters are painful and especially with the people that express their condolences...tearfull.

I really do thank you all. I just needed to share some of my pain in a space that I've always felt had nothing but support. This site is so perfect because of that.
This is a safe place full of gentle loving women, where you can say whatever is on your mind or in your heart, anytime.

I so understand that avoidance of face-to-face-encounters. It's triply hard when the death is not of natural causes. I remember long ago when my brother died, my mother just could not deal with people's questions and concerns. When we would run into an acquaintance on the street and theywould ask about my brother, for a whole year she would simply say "He's fine, thanks."- because she could not bear to explain what happened or hear their awkward shocked condolences.
I don't blame you for trying to avoid that right now. I'd do the same. Better to be with closer friends and family who understand and are grieving themselves.
Just know that through all the roller coaster of feelings and changes you will go through about this, that your love for your brother and his love for you will not change one bit. Nothing can change that.