Not sure I should even post this.

[Sparxx]

Hey Raindrop, so sorry to hear of your loss.

Lost my little brother to suicide about 15 years ago. I felt for ages that I somehow could have prevented it (so did my other brother). He seemed to have so much to live for. But it was his choice, his call.

Time WILL heal. You don't forget but you forgive them for going so abruptly.

Hang in there.

[Thistle]

Hey Raindrop, so sorry to hear of your loss.

Lost my little brother to suicide about 15 years ago. I felt for ages that I somehow could have prevented it (so did my other brother). He seemed to have so much to live for. But it was his choice, his call.

Time WILL heal. You don't forget but you forgive them for going so abruptly.

Hang in there.

Raindrop, I'm so so sorry Sparxx is absolutely right - dont ever blame yourself or think "maybe i could have done something".

I have worked on crisis lines with suicidal callers, after having been suicidal myself on and off for many years. I admire you so much for this posting. It can be such a taboo topic.

It can be hard to understand what drives people to think they have no options left but suicide. My own experience as a sufferer of depression, and later as a telephone counsellor, is that it's like wearing the kind of blinkers they put on a horse. Whereas normally you can see to the left, and to the right, and straight ahead, and all the choices that are out there, as you become more and more depressed and suicidal those blinkers close in and narrow your field of view until there is only one option left. The unthinkable. It really is all about stopping the pain. The worst part is, when people are in that place they have no understanding of the hurt and devastation their actions will bring to those that love them.

I am so thankful every day that I never had the "courage" to carry through. It breaks my heart to think of the pain I would have inflicted on those who love me. To me that is the cruellest part of suicide... the devastation it brings to others.

I hope this doesnt offend anyone. But, I honestly just wanted to let you know that I believe your brother would never have thought he was hurting you (or others). In the distorted thinking of depression he would actually have believed he was doing the world a favour. People who suicide are simply overwhelmed by pain and unable to ask for help.

I am so sorry for your loss You didnt deserve to lose him, and he didnt need to go.

[bikerchick68]

http://211.org/ReferWeb/MainForm.aspx

Raindrop.... I have not been on so hadn't seen this til today. The link above is for 211. You can also just pick up the phone and call the number 211... they give referrals for any and all type of crisis. There are many, many help groups available to you and your family. I encourage you to find a survivors of suicide group... the other attendee's will be going thru the loss of a loved one to suicide as well and will understand all the emotions you're experiencing.

Please, please remember this is NOT your fault. Once someone decides to commit suicide, it's only a matter of time until they achieve it. This was your brother's decision, and while guilt is a normal part of grieving, I again stress this was HIS decision and is NOT your fault.

I really hope you'll reach out and get some help working your way thru the grieving process. You don't have to go thru this alone. Hugs...