Dear neighbors:
Thanks for the party.
Dear judgement:
Where WERE you when I was handed the 2nd jello shot of 151?
Dear girlfriend:
As purveyor of the poison, it's only fair you feel worse than I do, but I hope you feel better... sweety? dearest?
Dear former coworker: It was good to hear you went out, too, but bad to hear that you got sick, too... here. Yuck yuck yuck, I thought I got away from that.
Dear Ronald: Thanks for cheap cheeseburgers with assorted animal parts in them to quell my grease craving.
Dear stomach: thanks for putting up with the abuse. I mean it.
Dear butt/thighs/etc: Forget it. the cheeseburgers aren't for you.
Dear boobs: Why are you always the 1st to go AWOL when I lose any % of body fat?