Fear & age?

[Crankin]

I've always been cautious and at times, fearful. I come from a family of fearful, neurotic Jewish women, and I've broken through most of that... that said, my mom was adventurous, but born at the wrong time. She was very athletic, and she really only put it to use in high school, in the 1940s. I just wish I had started outdoor stuff earlier, because I think I would have had less fear in my 20s or 30s. I don't have particularly great bike handling skills on downhills, and at this point, I am not sure what else to do. It scares the crap out of me. The other parts, well, I *am* a bike trip leader, so I try to mitigate danger by planning routes that don't have awful intersections, uphill stops, etc. You probably wouldn't notice anything bad about my riding unless you saw me descending! I also no longer do big group rides, and I even don't like riding with "my" group sometimes because of the incredibly poor skills. This is why I volunteer to be the sweep a lot of times! I don't like the unknown and I do get anxious if I am on a group ride and try to anticipate what I will have to be doing. I am better than I used to be, though. I have no issues taking the lane, signaling, etc, but within the confines of my familiar area or in other suburban/rural roads.
I will ride just about anywhere around where I live and I like climbing. However, I couldn't ride in Boston. I don't even drive in Boston. Too many azzholes and things I can't control.
I am less scared when I am nordic skiing. I descend pretty big hills on those skinny skis. Maybe because it's closer to the ground and snow is softer than pavement. However, today, there was a lot of ice at the beginning of our ski, on a small descent and my legs started shaking uncontrollably, I guess because I was scared. It made it very hard to descend with my knees together, but I got down without falling.
I have osteoporosis that is being treated and I am back into the osteopeinia range now. But, it makes me more cautious. Really, though, my fear is mental and somehow, I have been able to work through in skiing, not so much in cycling. At the end of the day, though, I feel like Shooting Star. I am out there doing what 99% of other 60year olds don't do.

[malkin]

maybe its the accumulated ouchies that makes us more reserved and play more cautiously....

I think its called getting wiser as we age.

Years ago, my brother described an old woman walking "like she'd already stubbed every toe, and knew how it felt."

[Skippyak]

The older we get, the more we cling to life. I am still more fearful skiing than I am cycling though. It is not rational. I am more than irritated by my skiing limitations.

[OakLeaf]

The older we get, the more we cling to life.

I've been saying that for decades, and you're the first person I've ever "met" who agrees with me! It's such a truism that "young people think they're immortal," where I believe it's the exact opposite - young people expect to die at any minute, so they can be more willing to take risks; older people gain this emotional conviction that since death hasn't happened to them yet, it isn't going to, and if they can just make their lives a little smaller and a little more unpleasant, they can last forever.

I try very, very hard not to do that. There's one thing that terrifies me above all else, and that is medical procedures. That is definitely a case where experience led to the terror. So I've tightened up my paperwork and prepared myself for hard decisions as best I can, knowing it might not be enough.

As far as two-wheeled exploits, it's being off the bikes because of injuries that has made me somewhat more tentative, not the injuries themselves (which mostly didn't happen on two wheels anyway). I ride fewer miles, my skills get rusty, and that eats at my confidence ... as it very well should IMO. I completely lost all confidence at low-speed maneuvers a while back, and that's been a HUGE mental block, but I don't attribute that to age at all (though I'm not entirely sure what to attribute it to ... I'd had enough low-speed tipovers before that that *didn't* much hurt my confidence ...)

[Melalvai]

These are great responses, thanks!

1 - you realize you are not invincible and you've probably had the experience of having an incident or two yourself or having someone you know well be injured or die. It brings it home.

Good point. My daughter's wreck in 2010, and my cousin's little girl's death a few years before that, were strong blows to my confidence. I didn't make the connection because what does sledding have to do with bicycling? But I realize that I've heard some things about sledding that connect it in my mind to my daughter's wreck. A popular sledding hill here in town, that we used to sled on when my daughter was small, was closed down because someone was killed on it. A friend of mine commented that she won't go sledding herself because she did her ER rotation during the winter and saw a lot of broken faces from sledding. I guess those things stewed in my mind and connected with my daughter's wreck and now I'm not comfortable sledding.

It's not at all logical because I don't mind HER sledding, I just am not comfortable doing it myself.

3 - you inner ear ages as well - I am personally *much*, *much* less tolerant of things that whirl, spin or shake my head a lot. I get dizzy and disoriented more easily than I did when I was a kid. I'm not even interested in mountain biking because I feel like bumping down hill really fast I cannot see well enough or react well enough to be safe…

Oh! That is so true. I hadn't realized it was a physiological change but now that you mention it I see it. My daughter & I went to the park not long ago, and swung on the swings & climbed on things etc. (She's 18...we had a blast!) I did not swing as high as she did or as high as I used to. I didn't like the merry-go-round at all. I can get vertigo so much more easily than when I was younger.

[marni]

Oh my. I'm going thru the same sort of thing right now. When I go out for a ride I worry about the cars on the road much more than I used to, or I worry that I'll be in a dumb solo crash. When Lee goes out for a ride I wonder if I'll get one of those dreaded phone calls. Even when we're out driving, I wonder what might happen. It's not really in the forefront of my mind, but it's definitely there.

I think a large part of it has to do with the fact that up until a couple of months ago our day-to-day existence revolved around my elderly FIL who was in & out & in & out of hospitals and nursing homes, so I was constantly reminded of what life could become.

I'm hoping that, now that my FIL has passed away and we no longer have to be prepped for when the next call comes, I'll get away from this mindset.

(ed to add: I'm 54)

part of this fear may also be a result of depression following the death of your FIL. Any death will take time to adjust to emotionally. When our live in Fil died two years ago, I went into a severe depression since I had been his primary care giver for three years.
any death diminishes us a bit and it takes as much time as it takes to start to feel a bit better about things.

I tend to think that as we get older we have become aware of more possibilities about any situation both good and bad. Being human we tend to emphasize the bad and lip slide the good. As I like to tell people when I daringly let or make myself do something that is uncomfortable, "I'm in here for insanity, not stupidity", and have figured the risk is worth the challenge.

Hang in there and try not let either depression or fear take control. You could die tomorrow or live to a ripe old age. You can't control the timing.

[Veronica]

Hang in there and try not let either depression or fear take control. You could die tomorrow or live to a ripe old age. You can't control the timing.

Ain't that the truth. That's why I have a LiFE list not a bucket list - Life to the Fullest Extent. It's not catchy like a movie though.

Veronica

[SheFly]

Ain't that the truth. That's why I have a LiFE list not a bucket list - Life to the Fullest Extent. It's not catchy like a movie though.

Veronica

Here, here! DH's blog title: Like It's Your Last - Battling time by living every minute as if it were the last, accompanied by my wife, kittens and our fleet of bikes.

SheFly

[Veronica]

I didn't know he had a blog. What a great title! Now I have something to read over breakfast.


Veronica

[Catrin]

I think this is what I've been battling with riding on the road. The neck/mtb injury took me off the mountain bike, and it hurts enough to ride longer than short rides that I start thinking more about other things that could happen while riding the road. A cyclist collided with my car in October, and THAT put an image in my head that I've not yet been able to get out so I've not been able to ride at all since that happened. We have a very bad intersection with a MUT and a side street - you literally cannot see if anyone is on the trail coming from one direction (bike or ped) until your car is completely blocking the intersection. VERY bad design, thankfully she wasn't seriously injured even though she didn't have a helmet on, but it has really affected my ability to ride. They still haven't changed that intersection....sigh.

[lph]

I think the important thing about fear is to realize that how much fear you feel is not in proportion to the risk you're running. They're vaguely connected, but there are a host of psychological mechanisms that can make us feel more (or less) fearful than the situation warrants.

I tend to be more fearful skiing than cycling, even though the speeds are similar and the consequences of crashing while skiing are usually much less serious. And I'm skilled enough, I just don't have the daily practice that deadens fear. And yes, I have grown more fearful with age, but at the same time I understand myself more and am capable of doing things to win over fear. When younger I'd be more likely to either back out or just force myself to do something I was afraid of, blindly, and without really mastering it.

[shootingstar]

I think the important thing about fear is to realize that how much fear you feel is not in proportion to the risk you're running. They're vaguely connected, but there are a host of psychological mechanisms that can make us feel more (or less) fearful than the situation warrants.

This is helpful to keep things in perspective.

To repeat reminders to ourselves as we continue to cycle/bike onward into the years: as women cyclists in North America, we're still the minority, especially over 35 ...or even in general.

I've cycled regularily since returning to cycling 23 years ago. Some of my regular cycling routes within whatever city I've lived in, consists (deliberately) of routes where a large chunk of it is marked/dedicated cycling infrastructure (ie. 70% of the route). So whenever I talk about cycling a 60-100 km. bike ride within my city, inevitably it does includes a lengthy distance of interconnected bike routes and cycling infrastructure. I do believe that has reduced my exposure somewhat.

I also tend to plan my rides wherever I can, to reduce exposure to high speed car traffic routes, high volumes of cyclists during peak travel hrs. at certain times of the year.

I know that people here don't like MUPs....it works for me..because I start off cycle-commuting to work, early in the morning when cyclists are less, and I finish work earlier than the peak volumes (which also coincides with less car traffic when I have to cycle on streets).

For weekend riding, I also tend to engineer rides in that way..though it's a whole lot easier to plan cycling with less car traffic.

As for fear, I find it just far easier, even enjoyable snowshoeing on a narrow mountain path, compared to hiking the same path in summer without snow. It's the illusion of snow cushioning a fall (and me wearing clothing layers to protect skin scrapes), etc.

[Crankin]

I feel the same way hiking vs. snow shoeing, ShootingStar.

[shootingstar]

I'm not out to justify my fear and age..it's just for myself at the back of mind since my 20's: I never want to take my indpendent mobility for granted. After university, I worked for 3 years in a rehabilitation hospital for spinal cord injured adults who became paralyzed for life via accidents, gunshot or traumatic sports injuries. I was in my early 20's.

I returned to cycling at 32 yrs.. It was an major wake-up call to take advantage of my ability to walk, bike and good health. So I don't spend much time worrying if I'm too slow, fearful on the bike. If I am, doesn't matter. I'm still enjoying myself.

[tulip]

I'm not out to justify my fear and age..it's just for myself at the back of mind since my 20's: I never want to take my indpendent mobility for granted. After university, I worked for 3 years in a rehabilitation hospital for spinal cord injured adults who became paralyzed for life via accidents, gunshot or traumatic sports injuries. I was in my early 20's.

I returned to cycling at 32 yrs.. It was an major wake-up call to take advantage of my ability to walk, bike and good health. So I don't spend much time worrying if I'm too slow, fearful on the bike. If I am, doesn't matter. I'm still enjoying myself.

I've been a bike commuter for decades--before it became acceptable and almost normal. People would often ask why I rode my bike to work (implying that it was a bit odd for a professional woman with a good job). My best response was, "Because I can." Seemed to make them think. Now people don't ask so much, which is a good thing.