Would you accept a monetary gift from a friend?

[limewave]

In a recent post I mentioned I was bummed about having to cancel some family plans because our budget is tight. One of those was an annual girls trip I take with DD where we meet up with 2 of my very good friends, both who have daughters a similar age as DD. This is the only time we see each other all year. The trip, including lodging, expenses, meals, and misc would cost about $400.

One of those friends has offered to pay for DD and I to go. She has come into a bit of money and said she can't think of a better way to spend it than with her friends. She said it wouldn't be the same without us

This is very generous and thoughtful of her. I have some really great friends. But I just don't feel right about taking her money. We aren't destitute. We aren't starving. We have everything we need . . . I just think I would feel guilty the entire vacation.

[Veronica]

I would do it. Your friend would not have offered if it was not important to her. I'd feel a little weird, but friendship has no price, really.

Veronica

[Thorn]

She said

she can't think of a better way to spend it than with her friends

There's your answer....be a friend. Go. Have fun. Your friend's immediate payback is you and your daughter having a great time and sharing experiences.

Years from now when this time is a distant, happy memory and finances are more secure, consider doing something similar for someone else....or remind your daughter of the time so that in her generation she can payback the favor.

Yeah, I'd feel wierd, too, but, as my grandfather used to say when he'd give me something and I'd feel wierd, "Smile. Say, 'Thank you.' And do the same some other day."

[MartianDestiny]

She said

There's your answer....be a friend. Go. Have fun. Your friend's immediate payback is you and your daughter having a great time and sharing expenses.

Years from now when this time is a distant, happy memory and finances are more secure, consider doing something similar for someone else....or remind your daughter of the time so that in her generation she can payback the favor.

Yeah, I'd feel wierd, too, but, as my grandfather used to say when he'd give me something and I'd feel wierd, "Smile. Say, 'Thank you.' And do the same some other day."

I agree 100%. Well said.

[rocknrollgirl]

I would go without hesitation and either pay it forward, or return the favor someday. Good friends are a rare gift and you are luckyt o have them.

[Zen]

She can be my friend.

[SheFly]

I agree with the others. You have a great friend, and that is worth more than anything. As Thorn said, you can pay it forward later, when your finances are in a different place.

Go and enjoy.

SheFly

[nsandz]

I agree with the others. You have a great friend, and that is worth more than anything. As Thorn said, you can pay it forward later, when your finances are in a different place.

Go and enjoy.

SheFly

I feel the same!

[lph]

I agree with the others, (though I'd probably struggle with feeling uncomfortable too) but remember as Thorn said - she's not really giving you cash or a monetary gift, she's giving you the gift of being there and sharing this trip, because it will make her happy as well. You will be giving her the pleasure of your being there, so she benefits too.

I am sure she would like nothing more than for you to accept graciously. You can always consider paying her back with a gift of your time spent on a shared activity, rather than in money.

[artifactos]

Others have said most of what I have to say regarding acceptance or not.

You could make a scrapbook of the trip (and perhaps prior years) or a handmade gift personalized for her as a lasting thank-you!

[ny biker]

My $.02 is...it depends on the friend.

I used to have a good friend whose family had plenty of cash. He liked to buy things for his friends. He always insisted on picking up the check at restaurants. One day he showed up at my door with an air conditioner, because I didn't have one (never had one in my life until that day). He'd been at an estate sale and saw it and thought I could use it.

He once offered to lend me $100,000 to buy a condo. (I did not accept.)

Some years later, after we were no longer friends, I heard he bought a car for another friend because he felt her car was not safe.

He also enjoyed micromanaging the lives of the people around him. He got angry if he gave us advice and didn't accept it without question. Oh, and once he told me that his parents didn't like any of his friends because they thought we only liked him for his money. Which wasn't true, but I could certainly understand why his parents might have that concern. (Then again, it doesn't say much about what his parents thought about their own son if they didn't think anyone could like him for himself.)

Now, that's just my experience with one person. If a friend is offering money for you to join her on a trip because she truly wants your company and there are no strings attached -- explicity, passive-aggressively or otherwise -- then by all means go and enjoy each others' company. But if you think you might wind up paying for your trip in some other way, either now or in the future, then I'd think twice before accepting.

[moderncyclista]

She can be my friend.

She also, is welcome to be mine. LOL.

I don't think there is anything wrong with friends helping friends out. My mother ran into a tough spot and her neighbor gave her $200 bucks. Said she didn't have to pay it back if she didn't want to. My mother who is in her 60's scrimped and saved (it took her 8 whole months) but she paid her back. She understood she didn't have to, but she wanted to. The kindness was invaluable to my mother though. Enjoy the kindness of others. If you have an opportunity to pay it back, do so. If you ever have the opportunity to pass on kindness in other forms - do so also. You are blessed to have good friends.

[shootingstar]

If she truly does have the funds (Some people are impulsive, they really are but cannot afford such 'giving' of money long-term.), accept the gift.

But go to the get-together with some food/dessert that you have made to share with others. Or other stuff that you can make in advance to share with others. Get DD involved to help out too.

or burn DVDs of digital photos for everyone.. that records the event.

I no longer assume that everyone is "rich" /has alot of funds their whole lifetime. Not anymore. Too much evidence, otherwise.

[uforgot]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think that giving or lending money with friends or family works very well. $400 is a lot and if you are uncomfortable with it, then don't. Even though it isn't anyone's intent right now, you are asking for trouble in the future. And can you comfortably accept the cash/trip and not feel like you owe them from now until forever? Not worth it.

[PamNY]

Limewave, I think it's fine to let your friend help you if you are fairly certain she can comfortably afford it.

I've both given and accepted help in my life, and it's generally a good thing. Pay it forward is good advice -- and I'm sure you already thought of that.