He didn't do a thing for my 30th birthday!

[Wahine]

What a great post Triskeliongirl! Very good advice. And it's true about the biology involved in a man putting time in to help raise children that are not his own. There is very good pyche/social research on this type of behavior.

[BurrOakBobcat]

milkbone,
Much wisdom has been offered in a spirit of caring. Take care. Although we're strangers, you, your partner, and your kids are in my thoughts.
Robin

[milkbone]

It doesn't matter anymore..... I kept telling him today how I wanted to fix things, I didn't even know anything was wrong until 4 days ago, I told him I loved him, thats it workth fixing, etc, he said he was bored from the day to day routine and he broke up with me by text message! I'm in shambles.... Just last week we were putting up our brand new patio set, and talking about the future, next year etc.... now this, it's so sudden and all he says is he's bored... I'm dying inside....I'm so hurt.

[sgtiger]

((((((Milkbone))))))

[shootingstar]

It doesn't matter anymore..... I kept telling him today how I wanted to fix things, I didn't even know anything was wrong until 4 days ago, I told him I loved him, thats it workth fixing, etc, he said he was bored from the day to day routine and he broke up with me by text message! I'm in shambles.... Just last week we were putting up our brand new patio set, and talking about the future, next year etc.... now this, it's so sudden and all he says is he's bored... I'm dying inside....I'm so hurt.

{{{milkbone}}} I'm very sorry to hear this latest development. And I agree with you that firefighters aren't THAT tired. They aren't fighting fires every hr. nor every day. There's a huge part of their job that's just waiting for an emergency or just doing fire safety inspections or involved in public safety education. I worked for a govn't agency that trained firefighters for one of the Canadian provinces.

YOu need to go out with your closest girlfriends for fun, but tell them in advance what happened just after your 30th. I would be so bummed out too.

In hindsight, a year from now, life will go in a different direction if you allow yourself.

Meanwhile also get on that bike too....this has been stressful for you. You go girl, on that bike. And geez, breaking up by text messaging. How pathetic. He has alot to learn..

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For for birthdays etc., he and I celebrate each other's well. My problem is stopping myself when buying presents. For my 40th, he threw a surprise birthday dinner with family.

And I have to say HE started the simple romantic bit for Valentine's-- just a card and valentine bonbon or cookie. I sorta forgot about Valentines for lst 1-2 years, before I "got" it. I think I was single for so long, I forgot about Valentine's.

[effy]

Milkbone....
I'm sorry that you are going threw this. I'm sorry that he didn't do anything for your birthday. Something tells me that even is he would of made a small attempt to get you or do something, you would of been pleased. The fact that he didn't, hurts. Then the fact that he trying to say the relationship is boring and that you need to change your personality, RED FLAGS.

You need to remember that your not the one with the problem, He's the one. If the relationship was boring to him, what did he do to attempt to make it exciting??? What has changed in his personality that it seems not to be in sync with yous???

He trying to make excuses for HIS own short comings.

My heart hurts with yours today, but remember that tomorrow will be a new day. The sun will rise and you can get threw it. my prayers are with you. Big hugs.
Just remeber it's wasn't you.

[Mr. Bloom]

Milkbone, I'm really sorry for how you feel right now.

I agree with Effy...don't put this on you. There's more to this than you know and you can't change both sides of the relationship. There's something wrong with a break-up that occurs by text message.

I hope that if there is reconciliation, that it can happen. If not, I hope that you will allow yourself to move on.

[KnottedYet]

(((((Milkbone)))))

[BikeMomma]

Milkbone -

So sorry for what you are going through -- I'm not one to make judgement about people, but to break up by text message says volumes about his maturity. I only hope your kids will be ok through all this. As much as you're hurting, they may be too.

Don't blame yourself for his "boredom." Maybe he's (albeit suddenly) realized that he's not ready to settle down, which is perfectly normal, and saying he's "bored" is his awkward way of expressing that. He's entitled to feelings, also. Again, it's not only YOUR fault. Please do not blame yourself or be too hard on yourself for what's happened. The unfortunate part of this is that obviously you've been broadsided and are having to deal with the aftermath and confusion of sorting through it and trying to find an explanation where there is none.

I'm a firm believer in tests -- life throws them at you from time to time, and this is only one of many. They build strength and help to show you what you're made of. Your "grade" is how you deal with them and what you make of it. Make yourself a winner from this. Give yourself time to grieve, but don't let it beat you.

Flex your muscles, Milkbone. You'll get through this -- whatever comes of it -- you'll get through it. Believe and know in your heart that there WILL be a better tomorrow ('cause there will).

Wishing you strength and lots and lots of hugs,
Kim (BikeMomma)

[wackyjacky1]

A text message??? Wow, way to man up. Sheesh.

Stay strong, milkbone. Telepathic hugs are coming your way from San Antonio.

[OakLeaf]

((((((((milkbone))))))))

nothing to add - just hugs -

[kelownagirl]

I'm sorry Milkbone. That just sucks....

[NbyNW]

((((milkbone))))

Hope you still managed a happy Mother's Day with your kids.

The other day I was trading "Saturn Return" stories with, of all people, my hairdresser. Details are not important, but we did agree that things do get better, eventually. Or you're able to handle them better.

Sorry your heart hurts so much right now.

Hugs & Peace --

[LoriO]

{{{{{{milkbone}}}}}

I know how you are feeling. Been in those shoes myself. I sent you a PM becuase there are some details that I am not at liberty to really share with the rest of the world ;-)

Hang in there...we are all here for you!

[jesvetmed]

Wow.. text message. No matter what the situation is, everyone deserves more than that. Perhaps a better explanation is coming when he can bring himself to talk about it reasonably.

In the meantime, you are in everyone's thoughts here. We've all been there at some point. Take care of yourself and your kids.. that is the important part. The rest will come around. I really am sorry you are having to go thru all of this.