Asking the right questions

[DDH]

Girls, I need your help if you don't mind me asking.
This is liable to be long, but let me explain.
I have been riding since July. Normally at least 3 to 4 days a week and my rides are always at least 30 minutes or more, 10 miles or more. I try to watch what I eat but haven't cut back tremendously or anything. I don't do a lot of snacking, or candy and chips eating. On occasion if I want a candy bar or a bowl of ice cream or a snack, then I eat it. I am not a big chocolate or ice cream or sweet eater, but like I said on occasion I will indulge.
I feel like since I have started riding again, my endurance has gone down instead of up and that is really bothering me.
I hate to go to the doctor but I have made an appt to go, to get checked out. I am always afraid someone or he is going to think I am a hypercondriact (sp?) if I tell him all my problems so I ususally don't say much. But girls I am tired of feeling like I am in pain all the time. I know arthritis runs in my family very badly so I have just pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I am going to have some aches and pains but I am telling you every joint in my body hurts.
My ankles hurt terribly when I walk. My wrist hurt and it is worse since I have started riding, my elbows feel sensetive like my funny bone has been hit. Not the numbness or tingling but that tender feeling in your elbow after you hit it really hard. My feet hurt, and I know that is probably the weight. My shoulders hurt all the time, and my hips get to hurting pretty good.
I cannot sleep at night without a body pillow because I cannot let my arms lay without being on top of that pillow because it hurts my shoulders. My muscles feel like they fatigue really easily even though I have been riding the bike since July.
I weigh 220 and am 5'5. I desperatly need to lose weight and I haven't taken off a pound in this time, in fact I have gained 5lbs and am now 225.
I was trying on a new bra yesterday and the lady measured me and I needed a 42 rather than the 38 I had been buying. I looked in the mirror and just wanted to cry. I am so disgusted.
I don't know what to ask the doctor to look at, and I have seen this doctor for 20 + years so I know him, if I don't get specific, he will blow me off.
Don't take that wrong, I like my doctor, but you know how you just learn certain quirks with people and that is just how he is. He will do just about anything I ask for, but I just don't know where to go with this, and I don't want him to think that I have just gone nuts with all these aches and pains.
I feel like, I need something though and I also know that it is an HMO so anything I get done I have to have referred. We pay almost 600 dollars a month for our health insurance and hardly ever use it, so I feel like it's about time I got something out of my money.
I am 42 and although I don't expect to look 20 again, I would like to get this weight off before I get old and die. I quit smoking back in June to start this helathier transition, and I feel and look worse than I did before I quit.
It's very depressing, and frustrating and I don't know what the problem is or what to do or ask for.
I don't let any of the aches and pains stop me. I continue to ride my bike, I continue to do all the things I need to do around the house, and take care of my MIL, and things for my mom.
DH doesn't help when he just acts like it's an irritation to him, if I am sick or have aches and pains. Don't get me wrong, he is very supportive as far as me riding and trying to lose weight, but for some reason and I cannot figure it out, he gets all bent if I say something about some part of my body hurting, then he starts that "well you always have some ache or pain, or somehting hurting you". Wow that helps!!!
Then he wants to know why I won't talk to him. UH, DUH, why should I. He got mad at me the other day because I wouldn't tell him what I was going to see the doctor for. That would be because when I started to tell him about it I got the snide remark about aches and pains and then I was done and wouldn't say another word. I got so mad at him, I told him I wouldn't even tell him if I thought I was having a heart attack because it would just be an inconvience and irritant to him.
Anyway, that is another story. Do you girls have any ideas what I should ask for as far as test, or am I being a hypercondriact and just need to suck it up. Sometimes, I feel like that and that is why I don't go to the doctor.
Help!!??? I am getting just desperate. I don't want to take diet pills and junk, and want to lose the weight properally, but I am quickly getting to the point of finding some diet pill that helps me not eat.

[LBTC]

Hi, Donna!

Congratulations on your decision to be healthier and more fit! Good work!

Quitting smoking, from what I've heard, has a huge impact on your health and your body takes some time to adjust. Don't lose faith, you will drop weight and will feel and look better!!

But do see your doctor. Tell him just what you told us! Try to write down each and every thing that hurts, when and how much. Explain to him what you are trying to do and how difficult it is. I would think he should do some blood tests to ensure that you are not deficient in any important nutrients. Heck, if your insurance would cover a CT scan, have your joints looked at, maybe even your organs. (I just had a CT scan - completely painless and almost even fun). Don't stop trying to find the solution.

I also have to ask if you have a good stretching regimen. Cycling on its own can actually tense up enough muscles to make the joints sore from the muscle tension. Stretching, or something wonderful a gentle like yoga, may be a good thing to add to your routine. I know yoga helps me tremendously (I just do it at home every morning as I'm waking up)

I have also been experiencing a health problem that has reduced my activity tremendously. After continuously pushing my doctor to understand that this is impacting my life negatively, even though I am not in terrible pain, we've done enough tests that we're pretty sure it is my gallbladder and that the next step will be surgery. I can't wait!

Don't lose hope, Donna! Keep trying to find an answer! And be nice to yourself. You do need rest, too, just as much as you need exercise.

Namaste,
~T~

[mimitabby]

LBTC said it all, didn't she?
I agree. WRITE down what you told us, make a list. and if you are feeling shy at the dr's office, just HAND it to him.

Your pains are valid and real. you are not a hypochondriac. (this is the correct spelling)

About your DH, you know, mine is mostly like that too unless I am on my bike and something starts hurting suddenly. I tell him how i feel and i either get no reaction, or some irritation. I have always thought it was odd. Many years ago, a family counselor told me he acts like that because it scares him that there might be something wrong with me. So if i am looking for sympathy, i do not expect to get it from him, i talk to a girlfriend instead!
Even a diagnosis will disturb him. So I can't blame you for saying what you did to YOUR DH...

[Bikingmomof3]

Do not give up Donna. You are doing great! I quit smoking years ago and gained a lot of weight. It is gone now, but I did gain. At least I am not smoking and neither are you. :-)

You sound as though you are in a lot of pain and I am so very sorry to hear this. Your weight should not be causing you all this pain. You have been seeing the same doctor for a long time, which is usually good, but in this case maybe you should see someone else? A different doctor with fresh eyes. Tell him/her exactly what you told us. Write down exactly what hurts and how it ferals, etc. If you are anything like me, you remember things after you leave the office.

Please see a doctor, prefeably a new one, if you cannot then see your currrent one. Something is definitely not quite right, you know your body better than anyone else.

(((((Donna)))))))

Now go make a doctor appointment.

[Grog]

Thank you Donna for sharing this with us openly. It's a great first step, I am sure.

I can totally relate to your difficulties sharing things about your health with your husband. With both of my ex-s and, although to a lesser degree, with my current partner, it is an issue. It is hard to deal with the person you love not feeling right, and we cope with that in all sorts of manners which are not always helpful... Always in different ways, but always some issue. It might not be catastrophic for the relation, but I understand your frustration... I hope you can find a friend to share this with. I'm glad you also share it with us!!

I would certainly not let what is happening to you go unnoticed, and it will be useful to talk to a doctor. Is your current family doctor the best guy? Probably. But maybe not. If you don't feel like you can trust him with your confidence, well, maybe it's time to visit someone else. It doesn't have to be forever, but maybe you'll meet a new doctor who will feel a bit more understanding to you...

Like LBTC I agree that quitting smoking can make you feel miserable for a while. Bearing your own weight is maybe taxing your body as well. You are totally right though that you don't want to get on a crash diet. But it's likely that loosing a little bit of weight every month will help. However, I wouldn't mess with overall joint pain. It will bring you down into depression and you don't want to go there. Having some control over your body - even if it doesn't mean that the pain will completely go away - is important.

Good luck, and please get back to us.

[Tuckervill]

Donna, I feel your pain.

I know just what it's like to be afraid that my symptoms will not be taken serioiusly, or that my symptoms are so vague as to seem meaningless. I'm 44 and overweight like you. I had strange symptoms for several months that I just ignored--they didn't really add up to anything--until the ovarian cyst ruptured. During that time I didn't go to the doc because I didn't have a clear picture of what was wrong, just that something *might* be wrong. It was wrong enough eventually to send me to the ER in July.

Before that, though, I had decided that I was entitled not to be *afraid* of taking part in my own health care. I decided that it's my option to be proactive and ask for blook work and tests, etc. So the first thing I did was eliminate all male doctors from my life. I know that sounds sexist, but the fact is I live in the South and have experienced more than my share of patriarchy in all aspects of life. I decided that this one place, my femaleness and physical health, would be free of authoritarian males, no matter how subtle or enlightened they might be.

I researched until I found a GYN practice that seemed to display the same values that I had (they had a link to Planned Parenthood AND midwives on their site, which is an indicator that they are at least not closed minded). They specialized in menopause, too....and NO MALE DOCTORS. I have been very pleased, because they take every little thing as part of the whole, and don't dismiss anything on its face.

When I ended up in the hospital overnight with the ruptured cyst, the hospital docs (male OB's) were already talking removal of the ovary. No way. I followed up with my own female GYN and she was very, very conservative and very willing to follow my lead. She actually AGREED when I said I would like to get through menopause with all my parts. While my very own dad said, "You don't need your uterus anymore...why don't you take it out?" ARGHHH! (I resisted the urge to suggest he have his testicles removed for the same reason.)

So, take control of your own health care, girlfriend. Get a doctor who will listen. Yes, if you think it will be a female, go for it, and don't be afraid of being called sexist. If you are used to having your feelings dismissed by the men in your life, it will not be easy to be strong in the face of another male. And you need to be strong. Do yourself a favor and research until you find a doctor's office that will meet your needs. It wouldn't hurt to start with a GYN, because, barring anything serious wrt your symptoms, you'll need the GYN longer and more often than any other doc.

Hope the HMO doesn't screw it all up for you. Be an advocate for your own health.

Karen

[mimitabby]

so i was in a computer structure meeting a few minutes ago, and it hit me.
You quit smoking in april and you only gained 5 pounds! that's pretty darned good.

Mimi

[chickwhorips]

i just want to say i'm proud of you for making the steps in the right direction to lose weight and be healthier.

go to the doctor and get checked. if this one makes you as uncomfortable as it sounds, then find a different one, or at least one for a second opinion. its important for your health. writing down what is bothering you is a great idea for going to the doctor. that way you get everything out in that short little time, and don't miss anything. doctors seem to like to know whats going on in the short and sweetest way possible. handing him a piece of paper with everything on it give him a chance to ask you questions about each thing and you to answer and not forgit to tell him something.

i also agree with the stretching. i've noticed a big change in my aches and pains since i started doing more stretching. i have to make time to do it, no matter what.

good luck with everything and keep us updated.

[DDH]

Thanks girls for all the support, I really needed that.

No mimi, I quit in June and I gained 20 lbs and that is what made me get my bike back out and start riding, the 5 lbs is what I have gained since I started riding. I am going the wrong way. I know everyone says muscle gain, but it seems to me in 3 months somewhere there would be some weight loss, not gain. If I had at least lost inches that would be good but dont' think I have done any inch losing either.

I have an appt. for my regular doctor for the 25th of this month. If he doesn't do what I want then I will have to see another doctor that will. The HMO does screw things up a bit, I think that is why they want to fix symptoms instead of finding out what the problem is.
It seems like they want you to try this or that for a while and you have to go back 2 or 3 times before you start getting any test run or any results.
I hate that treating the symptoms attitude. I want to know whats wrong and then treat the problem. It all just seems so backwards to me.
The whole thing has me rather depressed and down and I don't feel like doing anything. I know that doesn't help either.
Just keep your fingers crossed that when I go to the appt. he will heed my words and do something, beside give me a pain pill.
I have to go to my general practitioner to begin with on the HMO, so wish me luck on that day. Don't get me wrong, he is a good doctor but I do sometimes feel like he doesn't take me seriously and have to ruff him up a little to get him to listen. Eventually he does. Just a stuborn man I guess.

[chickwhorips]

The whole thing has me rather depressed and down and I don't feel like doing anything. I know that doesn't help either.

don't let it. your a very strong woman. look how far you've come as it is.

[mimitabby]

Don't forget the stretching stuff. It helps me too. I am 55 and if it moves, it hurts. Come to think of it, other stuff hurts too.

I'd love to see you rough up that doctor!

Riding bikes sure hasn't made ME lose weight, I gained too. But I'm healthier.
Less cold feet and slower pulse!

[Dogmama]

While my very own dad said, "You don't need your uterus anymore...why don't you take it out?" ARGHHH! (I resisted the urge to suggest he have his testicles removed for the same reason.)
Karen

Now THAT is funny!!

I'm not a doctor, but I would urge you to have some blood work done. Give your doctor a copy of your written symptoms so they can add it to your chart.

Have you thought about seeing a dietician for a healthy weight loss diet? Your HMO might not cover it, but I wouldn't think you'd need multiple appointments. Some of the ladies here have had good luck with Weight Watchers.

I just don't get some DH's attitudes. What happened to "better or worse, sickness or health?"

[emily_in_nc]

I have found that a female doctor can be a better listener and more understanding of women's health issues, be they weight, menstrual issues, sexual problems, or whatever. If your current doc blows you off, you might try seeking the second opinion of a female physician.

I read a recent study that found that female doctors spend more time with their patients. Listening. And isn't that all what we all want and need?

I've had a female doctor for years, and feel like she is a friend. I could tell her anything. She always takes my concerns seriously and spends TIME with me. She never dismisses my concerns. She respects my worries, even if they are irrational at times. I would seriously miss having her as my doctor if we moved -- and I only see her 1-2 times a year!

So, just a thought. I wish you well in your quest to find out what is wrong and to forge a healthier life for yourself. And congratulations on quitting smoking. That is a great first step!

Emily

[Dogmama]

I have found that a female doctor can be a better listener and more understanding of women's health issues, be they weight, menstrual issues, sexual problems, or whatever.
Emily

My primary care is a woman and I love her. She listens to my stuff & doesn't blow me off.

My DH goes to her too. He actually opens up to her. Pretty amazing for an ex-cop.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Donna,
First, you should not be discouraged about gaining a measley 5 pounds after quitting smoking. Losing weight will take TIME. Being more active WILL help you lose weight, but remember you stopped smoking at the same time. You might have gained 20 pounds when you stopped smoking if you hadn't started biking! And for all you know, that five pounds you've gained might well be mostly MUSCLE!! I've gained about 3-5 pounds of muscle in 4 months of biking, I know that for sure.

Secondly, I don't think you should be having all this pain, it does not sound like normal soreness from activity at all. Joint pain can mean many things! You should definitely be checked over for stuff like arthritis and lyme disease and other illnesses. Go to another doctor for a fresh opinion. Get a checkup that includes bloodwork.
Are you getting enough calcium in your diet? A calcium deficiency can cause very painful joints and muscle cramps and and aching, especially at night. Your body might need more calcium than before, now that you are exercising a lot. Maybe you could force yourself to drink two big 10 oz glasses of skim or non-fat milk every day in the meantime to see if that helps after a day or two? It can't hurt to try. Non-fat milk can also help fill you up before a meal so you can eat smaller portions of fattening stuff. Also try replenishing/balancing your electrolytes like magnesium and potassium- try drinking a sports drink and eating bananas?

I happen to think my DH is the world's most wonderful man in every way. But he tends to have way more aches and pains than I do, and he nurses himself enthusiastically through his various "illnesses". We all have our little quirks. I do give him sympathy, and I do take some of his pains seriously. Other times I get impatient with his bouts and just keep my mouth shut and go about my own day. My point is, don't be too hard on your husband's occasional lack of sympathy for your aches and problems. Even if you love someone, we are only human, and it can be tiring hearing about aches and problems too often. If he LOVES you, that's all that's important, just keep remembering that.