Bitter Sweet...

[makbike]

Yesterday was the last day of school here and I was so looking forward to the summer. My students and I discussed our plans and each time they asked me what I was going to do I told them "ride my new bike." I even pulled up a picture of it on my computer to show them my exciting new purchase. Yesterday afternoon I received an email from my BF telling me my new Bachette Giro 20 frame had arrived safe and sound and to make plans to join him Wednesday at the powdercoating shop to pick out a color and have it painted. Now I must decide on a color, so many choices so little time...

At the same time I came to the realization that my beloved cat, Max, had taken a turn for the worse and the decision I had been dreading had to be made. I called my bestfriend/vet at 8 p.m. last night and asked her to meet me at the clinic to put Max to sleep - he was in so much pain, so uncomfortable. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in April and we had been controlling it with high doses of oral steroids. Earlier this week Max scratched his corneal and a large ulcer developed. We tried several medicines but unfortunately the ulcer continued to grow as did Max's discomfort. At the same time it appears the tumor again began to grow and cause pain in his good eye. Between the tumor and the eye Max's quality of life quickly deteriorated and last night I had to fulful one of the promises I make to all my animals - "you will never suffer." So last night Max's beautiful soul flew free and I came home to cry and cry and cry. I know I should be very excited about new bike, the start of my summer vacation and yet I feel none of that at this moment, just pain. I know with time the pain will subside and life will resume with a sense of normalcy but the hole in my heart will remain for Max was a very special cat and he touched so many people.

[DeniseGoldberg]

Pets are very special 'people'. While you clearly miss Max, it sounds like it was time... I hope that your memories of the time Max spent with you serve to lighten your sorrow. (Of course, a new bike should help too...)

--- Denise

[janetsplanet]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through as my 18 year old snoopers is hanging in there but the time is near.
It is hard to lose a best friend--big kitty hug from both snoopers and me..

[margo49]

so sorry
cats are special creatures

[KnottedYet]

I'm sorry for your loss. You made Max the best promise ever when you told him he would never suffer.

[Selkie]

I'm so sorry to hear about Max. What you did was courageous and selfless, putting him out of him misery. I hope you find comfort in your memories of your kitty.

[Bad JuJu]

Oh that's such a hard thing to do, but the right thing nonetheless. DH and I have always agreed to do the same for our pets when the time comes, when, as you noted of Max, their quality of life has deteriorated beyond our control. I hope you really are comforted by the thought that your dear friend is now free from pain. And I'm sure he'd be happy to know you're enjoying life with your new bike.

[JoyfulGirl]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Max.. My ferret had a tumour and we did the rounds of oral steroids. So hard with something so slow and insidious like that to know when... I just wanted to extent my full empathy. Sometimes it feels impossible to do right by them, then they're gone and you can't even snuggle them for comfort.

I'm glad you did right by Max no matter how hard it was for you. I'm glad the vet was a close friend of yours too.. and that Max got to end his time surrounded by people who loved him and he was comfortable as could be in the setting. Sorry the Happy and the bitter coincided for you.. But glad you'll have some summer down time to recuperate in and a new bike to throw yourself into in the mean time. So sorry about Max... I know you'll always miss him but I hope you find normalcy in your life soon. Take care of yourself.

[slinkedog]

Oh, Mak... I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you and hoping that the joy that Max brought to your life will be a comfort to you in the days ahead.

[Nanci]

PAW-PRINTS
(S L Smith)

Paw-prints in the sands of time,
Tracks along an empty beach,
Towards a fate which is not mine,
A destiny out of my reach.

You've gone where I will some day follow,
But for now you're out of sight,
Your years with me was time just borrowed,
Before you returned to heaven's light.

No longer in my sight, you vanished,
Through the veil of time and space,
In my memory you are cherished,
Ambassador of feline race.

Time and tides sweep clean your paw-marks,
Another's paws will tread anew,
But you carved paw-prints in my own heart,
Eternal love-prints, etched by you.

One day I'll see your paw-prints glowing,
Sparkling in the morning dew,
Guiding me at my time of going,
Leading me sunwards, back to you.




IN MEMORY
(Melody Collier)

Little cat, in a distant sky
Where mice are friends and bluebirds fly,
Where pain is forgotten and you can pass
With leaping grace over green, green grass;
Little cat, will you catch a star
And wonder, a moment, where you are?

Little cat, in a distant land
Where nothing can harm you as you stand
And gaze at the clouds, so pure, so white;
And all is glad with a fresh delight,
Little cat, in your newborn years,
Will you spare a thought for my falling tears?

[kaybee]

Oh Mak, I'm so sorry about Max, but you know you did the right thing, and he's in kitty heaven right now, thanking you for ending his suffering. The new bike will be a good diversion for you right now. Hope you feel better soon.

KB

[Lise]

So sorry for the sadness and suffering, and glad that you could set him free. It's such a hard choice to make, and such a loving one. I know one day I'll have to decide it for Ariel and Isaac, my two cats. They are so very present and give me nothing but love. What can we do but love them back, and set them free when to stay only means suffering? This will get easier, and his spirit will always be with you. L.

[SnappyPix]

Mak, so sorry to hear about Max.
Having lost four legged friends over the years, it's a hard loss and my thoughts are most definitely with you.

[makbike]

Thank you everyone for you kinds words. Yesterday was a very hard day for on top of losing Max we received word at school that one of our colleagues in the district who had been battling cancer had passed away. I decided to go for a ride after I finished closing out my classroom, got in about 20 miles and it did seem to chase some of the blues away , albeit only temporarily. I woke up feeling very sad this morning so I guess I'll climb on my bike and ride some more.

Max was indeed a very special cat. He came to me when he was only 3 weeks old. He went to school with me every day so that I could bottle feed him. He loved people and thus he became a pet therapy cat here in our community. We would visit the local nursing home and the skilled care unit at our hospital a couple times each month. Max simply loved people. I still have to break the news to his little friend, Sarah. She can't have cats so she adopted Max's and would come over regularly to visit with him. He loved every minute of their time together.

Thanks again for all your kind words. I know some think I'm silly to get so upset about losing Max, for in their words he was only a cat. However, in my world he was much more then that, he was a friend who loved everyone he met. His unconditional love touched so many lives and made each one a little better for having met him.

[wavedancer]

Many blessings to you, for the gift of love you and Max shared and for the gift of freedom you gave to him. May the memory of his soft furriness stay with you and give you comfort. And I hope the joy of your new bike will help you feel the freedom that you helped him have.

Hugs from afar,

Linda