Close friends who won't reveal age

[shootingstar]

I have 2 close women friends who refuse to reveal their age to me. It's not a huge deal but it's puzzling to me. 1 woman I've known for last 30 years. We know of each other's health matters over the years and efforts to improve, plus stuff related to our respective families. She likes to look organized, meaning not a hair strand too much of out of place, etc. But she goes for walks, etc.

Another woman who is good trusted local friend I've known for last 5 years. We do stuff together approx. 2-3 times per month. I've met some of her family members and she's met my partner, an important person in my life. Impossible to meet my family members since they live in another province. She is business dress casual because her job requires site visits at construction sites, she's down to earth. She gives me her most honest opinion about stuff. We have very similar family backgrounds --low-income, Chinese-Canadian, immigrant parents, etc.

Yet she refuses to tell me her age. She's probably approx. 8-10 yrs. younger than I, just based on our discussion on past fads, etc.

I dunno, maybe I'm just different. Both friends know my age....plus other friends. I told them. No, I don't tell people at work my age and I wouldn't tell strangers /others ages of friends when they meet my friends.

There are times I think that this is the last milestone of feminism to cross : fear of ageism: and conquer it by feeling free to reveal your age to other women friends whom you trust at least. And both of these women live independent lives, give much to their communities.

Do your close friends know your age?

[Crankin]

I have never felt the need to hide my age to my friends. That seems just silly. I don't share my age with people at work, but my supervisor and the clinic director, obviously know. Most people think I am anywhere between 5-10 younger than I am, but I wouldn't care no matter what.

[Catrin]

I'm not shy about my age the rare times I think about it or it happens to come up. I don't go out of my way with it. I've a good friend who won't tell anyone how old she is. I am unsure if her husband even really knows for sure.

[thekarens]

I'm not the least bit shy. All my friends and co-workers know and I'd tell a stranger too if we were casually talking and it came up. I don't get why people have a problem telling their age.

[Helene2013]

Maybe because I look younger than my 52 (tomorrow) it is probably way easier to reveal. In fact I am proud of my age. I am far from perfect, bodywise, but hey....I'm aging well and that's good enough for me. I probably inherited good genes from mom for little wrinkles.

[shootingstar]

Well, revealing age to good friends (who don't work at same place /dept. as I do), to me, is more a piece of simple info. Living for x years, it's simply a reflection that does probably influence what I've experienced and how I perceive certain things at a certain point in time/history, which is not the same as other friends.

What I'm trying to say is that my age IS an integral part of me, all of my life experiences up to now. And for close friends, it just seems odd to hide that, when you've confided about your love life, etc.
I actually think now, I may look closer to my age ...at least in my face. The rest of me may look younger than what people stereotypically think of mid 50's women.

I don't worry about trying to sound/act youthful. It's better to "be" as oneself and express authentically --with grace and positivity. If one is already receptive to good things in younger generations, it gets naturally integrated in speech idioms, attitudes, etc. At the same time, there's no good reason for me to bury my age with trusted friends.

Actually I gave my age straight in a recent blog post.

Honest I'm GLAD to have lived as child/teen when North American women's lib was breaking out big and more women were taking upon full-time jobs /careers along with raising a family. I'm glad to have lived through the time where affirmative hiring policies first started.... There's a whole reality of understanding major social change and enormous struggle that society went through for some of us who are beneficiaries of pioneers OR we actually were the lonely "first" in the hiring organization.

And of course, change is not over. But certainly how I feel about feminism, race relations (because I remember watching Martin Luther King on tv as child make some famous speeches) is probably greatly coloured by not just personal experiences but also the points in history where I gained awareness.

So against all this, revealing my age...is quite minor act, compared to other life experiences.

[emily_in_nc]

All my friends know my age -- I think. If they don't, it's because it's never come up. I certainly make no effort to hide it, and I am not ashamed of it at all. I think it's odd that a "close" friend would not reveal her age!

[rebeccaC]

I can’t remember ever asking someone her or his age. I care more about knowing someone has a positive attitude and a positive inquisitive mind than their age. I have no problems with anyone knowing my age though.

[azfiddle]

I think my friends know my age- I had parties to celebrate 50 and 55 and I expect I'll do one next summer when I turn 60. I don't feel my age, and I think I look younger than my age as long as my hair color is fresh... Wearing a bike helmet disguises a lot of wrinkles too.
Anyway- I don't make it a secret but I let my students puzzle over it. I usually tell them I'm about 157 years old and ask them, "don't you think I look pretty good for 157?"

[marni]

amen to your reply. Personally I don't think it should be anyone's business to know how old people are especially with friends and whom you cherish for them selves and your interactions with them.