Work lunch hr.: getting married

[shootingstar]

which is what happened to an employee in our dept. He told no one until the day it happened ...yesterday and casually. So he went off on his lunch break and got married to his GF. No special clothing, etc. They had been together for last 2 yrs. I first learned of it via another employee as I was running around trying to find a better meeting rm. with workable technology. She had rustled up money to buy a collective wedding card for all us to hurriedly sign our good wishes.

Then he decided to take the afternoon off as a vacation day.

It such a surprise to all of us.

But I understand yesterday, being 12-12-12, was a popular day for some folks to get married.

I realize it is no one's business when or where you get married. That love, respect and fidelity is all that counts but still the act of marriage at least deserves a special whole day. Doesn't have to have the wedding dress, etc. but the couple can celebrate it privately with lots of time by setting aside a whole day.

I guess I'm old fashioned...even though I'm not married but with dearie for last 21 years.

[happyscientist]

I wish I had eloped to save the hassle and expense, but it does seem like the type of thing that requires more than a lunch break. There should be a little effort and time more put into it than a trip to the post office.

[indigoiis]

I don't know. It's kinda romantic, actually. Just think, what if he proposed over coffee break, via text?

My M&D met at a dance, then he gave her a ride down to NYC and in the 4 hours in the car they fell in love. Eloped 2 weeks later (she had to break up with her then-boyfriend - who, incidentally, never married and stayed best friends with her til he died a few years ago - she broke his heart!). My folks have been together 53 years.

[Crankin]

It does seem like you might want to take off a whole day, but I am all for these kinds of weddings. DH and I got married 6 months after we met, had the ceremony and small (20 people) party on a Sat. night and we both went to work on Monday. Two weeks later we took a short trip to Sedona from Phoenix. We didn't have the time or money for anything else.
My older son got married on X Mas day 2 years ago. It was just us, her parents, and the JP. Then we went out for Korean food. They had been together for 4 years and life went on as normal the next week. They took a week long trip in February.

[zoom-zoom]

I love it! My sister and her longtime BF just were married in Vegas last night. I was able to watch online. It was NOT the wedding my mom wanted for her, but my mom didn't pay for it.

In hindsight my DH and I wish we'd eloped. What a lot of money and stress for one day. That day that had no real bearing on the nearly 16 years that have followed.

[indysteel]

My husband and I more or less eloped (it was just us and the friend of mine who married us, but everyone knew we were getting married), and although we didn't do it over our lunch hour, I can at least appreciate why someone might do that. We were more intent on starting our married life together; the how, where and when we legally formalized that were sort of incidental. So, while I understand couples wanting to make a big(ger) deal of their wedding day and the romantic and emotional significance it typically holds for a couple and their families and friends, our own wedding day just wasn't a very big deal for us. What came before that day and what has come after, however, is important to us.

[indysteel]

There should be a little effort and time more put into it than a trip to the post office.

But who says there wasn't? My husband and I talked at length about our feelings for one another, what we wanted out of our life together, our respective values and expectations, and the issues, like money, that often trip up couples. We worked (and continue to work) on those issues that had come up in our relationship. In my opinion, that's the effort that matters. The fact that we didn't make a big to-do over the wedding or spend a lot of time planning it doesn't doesn't diminish that. Conversely, spending a lot of time and money planning a wedding wouldn't have necessarily added to it.

[thekarens]

My thoughts are if you want to make a big deal about it you should, but if you don't there's nothing wrong with that. You are proof that ceremonies have nothing to do with commitment.

[Eden]

I've never been big on ceremony myself. I lived with my husband for about 5 years before we married - essentially we were married in every way but legally, so when we did it was not exactly a big step..... We decided we did not want to make it a big deal. We came to the conclusion that the big wedding was for everyone else.... For us we simply wanted to make what we already had official. (Call me unromantic, but I'd have been *fine* with just signing and mailing in the right documents.... I don't think repeating someone's ceremonial words has real meaning) In the end we decided to do for ourselves rather than the family.

My parents were cool with it (they themselves had eloped) My mother in law on the other hand.... I think she still resents me a bit ( as if it were my decision alone.....)

I don't think it's made my marriage any less strong- we'll be having our 17th anniversary in a few weeks.

[zoom-zoom]

My feeling is that big weddings are more for family and friends' entertainment than anything. Given how many couples we know who had lavish weddings and were divorced within 10 years makes me think that some couples lose the true intent of marriage in all the fluff of the "event."

[GLC1968]

I had a big huge lavish wedding and it was a fricken blast. Friends and family are still talking about what a great time it was and we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary. But, I love to throw a good party, so it was fun for me. We spent money where it mattered and made the day memorable both for us and for our guests. And I was very relaxed about it all because I was of the mindset that all that really mattered was that it was the day I was committing the rest of my life to my best friend. Everything else was gravy.

My brother met his wife at the courthouse one day after she got off work and they got married, just like that. No special party, no special dress....he called me 30 minutes later and told me and I was happy for him. Big parties would not have suited her at all, so it worked for them.

To each their own.

Nothing pisses me off more than when people assume that I was more concerned with my wedding day than with my new marriage just because I had a big wedding, unless it's when people assume that no wedding means, no planning or thought went into it. It's as bad as thinking that a guy wearing lycra bike shorts is gay.

[limewave]

Nothing pisses me off more than when people assume that I was more concerned with my wedding day than with my new marriage just because I had a big wedding, unless it's when people assume that no wedding means, no planning or thought went into it. It's as bad as thinking that a guy wearing lycra bike shorts is gay.

^ I concur! Except I'm the opposite. I had a lot of criticism for deciding to get married (a decision we made together--not a traditional proposal) then getting married 4 days later (why wait???). I think people become critical when they are trying to process someone else's behavior/decisions that they don't understand (I've never been guilty of that myself). People are just different. To each their own.

[Crankin]

I somewhat regret having the 20 people in my apt. and then dinner in a nice restaurant. My only friends there were the attendants. We did not want a big fancy wedding, more like 50 or so people for a luncheon at a hotel. We were too lazy and cheap to plan it and our parents were out of state.
So, I had the tasteful luncheon at a restaurant with a dj for my son's bar mitzvahs. We had 50 at the first and 100 at the second. Mostly friends, ours and the kids. I will remember those and the wedding, well we're still married after 33 years.

ETA: Oops, that should have been 33 years. Yes, my kids are 30 and 27. I was in a rush and on my I Phone.

[GLC1968]

I should clarify - I'm not upset or offended or pissed off about what anyone said here! What I posted is my feeling and response about how people view weddings in general.

As usual, the ladies of TE were much more sensitive to 'different strokes for different folks' than the average group of real-world people usually are....

No worries at all!

[goldfinch]

We lived together for years. Some years ago on one of the last days of the year we got married, primarily for tax reasons. A friend who is a federal bankruptcy judge officiated. Neither of us can remember the date. I think the year was 1986. His parents sent us $300 and that was it for gifts. Our rings came from a pawn shop. At some point my spouse inherited his mother's wedding ring and gave it to me so I swapped out the rings. I lost his mothers ring when I lost weight. One day it wasn't on my hand anymore.

I miss the ring.