donate to charity - as a gift

[bmccasland]

I'm in a quandry, and therefore I'm putting it out for advice from the TE sisterhood (and brotherhood).

Again Father Dearest and his wife have made a donation in my name to one of their local charities, this time to a church run private school that wife is heavily involved with. Previous years it has been to the church's missionary fund. I would prefer that if a donation is made in my name, it's to a charity that I would support, or at least to one in my area. So how do I suggest to them that I'd prefer a donation be made elsewhere? Or do I even make the suggestion?

Writing the yearly thank you note is difficult, because I just don't appreciate the "gift." So I put a note on my calendar, say in September, that I write FD and suggest charities A, B, or C, as ones I'd like supported for the annual Christmas "gift?"

[malkin]

I am more cynical than many or most, but I think when it is a gift it doesn't matter if you want it or not.

[OakLeaf]

I vote the other direction. If they've chosen a charity that they know contravenes your principles, then it isn't a gift to you. It's a tweak and nothing but. And if they don't know it contravenes your principles, then giving them a list of suggestions is a nice non-confrontational way to let them know.

I'm sure there are local charities that wouldn't offend either of you - secular food banks are usually pretty "safe," just for one.

[lph]

I don't think you can say anything at all about a gift already given. They're entitled to give you anything they like, conversely you have the right to not be happy about it

But for next year you could try a note along the lines of "I appreciate donations given to charity, and if anyone would like to give me this as a Christmas gift please consider x, y and z, that are close to my heart" or add some other less flowery explanation.

That way when they ignore it they're being plain obstinate...

[TsPoet]

While I like LPH' idea, I also would be more bold myself. My mom, in fact, did the same thing a few years ago - donated a lot of money in "my" name to help build a new building for her church. I flat out told her that I didn't go to her church, and that my beliefs were a little different and that I wouldn't mind if she donated to X, Y, or Z, but I was not happy with her choice.
Since then, she's bought me gifts instead. Honestly, the donation idea was fine with me, just not which donation.
I used to receive $20 ornaments from my step grandmother that she purchased from a nature conservancy local to her where x% went to them - I thought that was great. The combo of the little token that I go, and the smaller dollar amount made it alright that it was their choice. It also wasn't a religion (which I don't believe in giving to unless its mine for me!).

[malkin]

The cynical me always wonders--if someone gives "in my name" would it not be appropriate for me to get something to use for tax purposes?

Or does the giver get the tax benefit as well?

[lph]

oh, and ps: I do agree that if someone gives a donation to something that you actively dislike, you can indeed pipe up and say so.

[OakLeaf]

The cynical me always wonders--if someone gives "in my name" would it not be appropriate for me to get something to use for tax purposes?

Or does the giver get the tax benefit as well?

I'm not a tax lawyer, but AFAIK the IRS doesn't care about sentiment or gestures - only about who owned the money and gave it away (and the best I could find without getting deeper into it than I wanted to on a holiday was a two-year-old article from TurboTax that agrees).