training with the guys

[letsride89]

Hey ladies...here's the dealio

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and i are having a rough time right now and I could use some advice...maybe some of you have been here before.

BF is the one who got me into riding a year ago. The first summer was great! We rode together often with no problem. After a while, he started to want to teach me things and he became more of a coach figure than my BF. With that said, i always became defensive when he tried to coach me..because i just wanted to have fun riding my bike.

A year later, Aaron decides to take a break off the bike and the racing scene...oddly enough...thats when I decide to get involved with racing and training. I get involved with a LBS and do group rides, training rides, and start making friends that were on the same level as me...as well as some male racers who wanted to give me some tips. I would invite BF on every ride i went on, he chose not to.

I dont like to ride alone in my town so some of the guys from the LBS offer to ride with me. Half of them are married and i have my BF, so in my eyes, i see nothing wrong with it at all. They all know aaron, and aaron knows all of them....They see me as a "little sister" and i see them as big brothers who are looking out for me.

The issue is BF feels jealous of the time they get to spend with me. BF and I cannot ride with eachother any more because he just wants to teach me...and i dont want to be coached by my BF. I'm fine with taking pointers from the guys at the LBS, but for some reason when it comes to BF, i get defensive.

This has caused problems now because I have decided to train for a tri...and some of the LBS guys are as well. There is no way i choose to train with the guys over spending time with BF...i even invite him along...but he chooses not to.

I guess i just have different views...i'm a firm believer in being able to have male friends and it being completely innocent on both sides. I enjoy training with the guys...and i have a fun time. BF is trying to work on understanding this...because he would never have a friendship with another girl (which i encourage). He says i'm the only girl he wants influencing his life...but i just can't help that i enjoy the innocent training time with the boys. YES there are girls at the LBS that i train with as well...they just aren't as into and wont train consistently.


the novel is over...ever been here before?

[abejita]

I think that it is your bf's issue. My hubs rides and runs with several woman. Honestly, I have no idea whether they are single or attached...I is more about my husband rather than the other women. I've never even given it a second thought that he exercises with other women (and men).

[Biciclista]

Yes, a lot of folks have posted here with your same story.
You need to sit down and look him in the eye and ask why you two can't ride together without him wanting to teach you all the time; he's not your father.

Next; the fact is, if you are training for a tri; you really are taking a lot of time away from your relationship - remember, you used to ride together. He got a lot of joy out of playing coach with you; might even be why he got involved with you in the first place.
It's clear to me he's not happy with this new development.
You have to find a way to keep him happy if you want the relationship to continue. If all you do is TRIs and tri training, and he's not involved, you might be in trouble..
the golden word is compromise. You BOTH have to do it for a relationship to work.
M

[li10up]

I guess I have a different take on this...I don't think it is up to you to make your BF happy. Truthfully, nobody can truly make someone else happy...happiness comes from within. If he can't get over his trust issues, which IMO is what his problem is, then I see a rocky road ahead of you. I agree that compromise is essential but you've asked him to ride with you and the other guys...he doesn't want to. Do what makes you happy, you two haven't made a lifelong commitment to each other yet....

[letsride89]

wow thank you girls very much for your feedback.


i have to give him credit...he is being such a trooper. i really think they way he was raised has a lot to do with the jealousy he has of the time i had with the guys. they will text me and ask to go run....and if he sees that he still gets a little erked...but is working on dealing with it. this is a big test in our relationship....


he has stated over and over that this is HIS problem and i am doing nothing wrong. i just pray his issues get resolved. he explains that he wants me to do what makes me happy...so i love him for that. it is purely an issue he has....and we are working on it!!!

any other input? thanks girls.

[tctrek]

Jealousy stinks and is never, ever, healthy or good for a relationship. If he doesn't trust you to ride with others, there's more issues than just who rides with who.

That said, you also have to be open to ways to spend time with him. If you spend more time with others than you do with him, it's reasonable for him to say "what the heck?"

It's all about balance, being true to yourself and allow him to be true to himself. You have to know how to compromise, but I think the give and take of a relationship is something you always have to work at.

It's funny how many people meet and fall in love and then spend years trying to change the things they don't like about the other person. That just doesn't work. I guess that's why the vows say "for better or worse".