Reunions?

[indysteel]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?

The reason I ask is that I've had very strong, negative reactions to both my high school reunion this past August and to a recent invitation to be part of an online reunion of sorts for my grade school. When I say strong, I mean take me off your list, I do not want to be included, no I'm not going/participating, now please leave me alone. For what it's worth, I would mention that I live in my hometown and went to small Catholic schools that have some very active and persistent alumni. They're like cheerful bill collectors.

While I'm okay with just saying no, my strong reaction is a little unsettling and it makes me wonder what's going on in my head. I didn't loathe elementary or high school, but those years were pretty unhappy for me. My family life was very difficult, although no one at school really knew that. I was privately a very sad and lonely kid. Even as I write this, I feel like that kid again.

While I had good friends throughout, some of those relationships soured over time because I often placed overly high expectations on them. I think I wanted them to make up for the love and attention that my parents didn't provide me. That's a lot to ask of anyone, especially a kid. All but one of my friends growing up knew anything about my home life, and she didn't learn about it until we were 18 and graduated.

By the time I went to college and then law school, I wasn't prone to looking back. I just wanted to move on with my life, and I have. My life today feels very far away in so many respects from my childhood. I have a handful of friends who date back to college and two that date back high school. Otherwise, I've made little effort to stay connected to former classmates.

My reaction may have something to do with the fact that I'm single and childless. I'm in a serious relationship, but we're a long way off from a commitment. Many of my classmates married young and now have almost-grown children. I'm happy with where I am, but I'm also a little self-conscious about it not conforming to some traditional ideal.

Finally, I think I just have other/better things to do. I'm busy enough with the people currently in my life to make time for people who have become strangers in the 20 plus years since I've seen them. Why should I bother? But then again, I make time to meet new people when given an opportunity, e.g., I've made time and effort to meet people from TE and Roadbikereview. I'm otherwise a pretty social creature.

Anyway, I find my reaction to be rather interesting. Clearly, something, or a combination of somethings, is getting triggered. Can any of your relate, or am I just a big party pooping weirdo?

[divingbiker]

Sorry you have such unhappy childhood memories. I'm sure that doesn't make you inclined to revisit those days. I've found that many of the people who still live in my hometown don't choose to attend our reunions, because they figure that if they wanted to socialize with our classmates they'd do it more often than every 5 or 10 years.

As one of those who moved away after high school, I love going to my reunions, and I always wish that the local folks would attend because I never get to see them otherwise, on my 5-day visits twice a year. I am from a small town, and had a class of 109, many of whom I liked a lot then and still do as adults. We have a great time, and while the 10-year reunion was a bit odd, subsequent ones (my 35-year reunion is coming up next year) have been great fun since time is a great equalizer.

At my 30 year reunion, I got to catch up with a guy who was kicked by a horse a week later and died. We were all glad he had decided to come to the reunion.

However, much as I enjoy my high school reunions, I have absolutely no desire to attend a reunion at any of the three colleges I graduated from.

[Pax]

I have nothing in common with the people I went to high school with, we knew each other for a very short time, a long time ago. I'm fine with the past staying in the past.

[shootingstar]

Indy, you answered your own questions --you've moved way beyond those high school years and have found your niche.

I went to my high school reunion just 2 years after I graduated. So it wasn't super fascinating experience back then. I went primarily because it was 125th birthday for the high school. It is a high school that is of historic significance to the county and regional history. And I was the yearbook editor that discovered....the age of our school and made it a theme for the yrbk. with archival photos from 1920's, 1930's, 1950's. It was fun doing research (by myself) up in the attic of high school.

[lph]

I have never been to any reunions, or received any invites, probably because our address changed shortly after I finished school. Or it could be because I was a weird outcast with very few friends, and they could hardly bother to track me down.

As you can tell - I'd rather eat paste

Seriously - that was a long time ago, I'm a different person, they're different people, and I don't miss either them or the memories of some pretty rough school years. I wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to say to them.

[solobiker]

I have yet to go to a reunion. As a lot of others have said we are different people now. To me, if I wanted to see them I would have stayed in touch with them. I stayed friends with a few people from HS other then that I have no need to go. Paste sounds good right now.

[kermit]

My high school experience was very disfunctional for me. Went on to college and made new friends and had new interests. Everybody from HS changed and we all lost touch. It happens.

[GLC1968]

Paste for me, please!

I 100% get where you are coming from.

High school was pretty rough for me. I have some good memories and a few good friends (most of which I befriended AFTER graduation), but I was new to a very wealthy and close-knit town. I never really fit in and it was quite obvious. I was also very, very insecure (though I played it off well, being the new kid all the time).

So I missed my 5 year reunion because I got stuck at work (I was in retail and the reunion was on black friday!). We didn't have a 10 year and we ended up having our 15th year reunion in the 16th year after graduation because it was also a partial memorial ceremony for a classmate that was on flight 11 on 9/11. By that time, I felt pretty good about my life. I'd started a really good career, I'd met the love of my life (we weren't yet engaged, but it was close), I felt good about how I looked, etc. We flew to Boston for the reunion and I was so excited! I met a few close friends at a restaurant before the reunion for a drink and that was great fun (all of our spouses got along). Then when we walked into the reunion, I was immediately thrown back into my high school days. NONE of my group from when I was in HS was there (the people I was still friends with were not my close friends during the actual HS years), so immediately, I didn't fit in again. Everyone kind of hung out in their same cliques...it was unreal how little changes. I hated how I felt. I hated being an insecure 17 year old again. There were a few good moments and I did connect with one friend...but the balance of the evening was just plain awful.

I will never go to another one again (besides the fact that I now live 3000 miles away) because I have no desire to feel that way again. I can make contact with the people I want to see...that's enough for me.

I would consider going to my college reunion, but it's also too far away now. I went to my 5 year one for that and it was very fun. I'm sure I would enjoy my 20th (which is just around the corner), but I was a different person in college and some of those people are still my good friends.

[shootingstar]

Indy, you answered your own questions --you've moved way beyond those high school years and have found your niche.

I went to my high school reunion just 2 years after I graduated. So it wasn't super fascinating experience back then. I went primarily because it was 125th birthday for the high school. It is a high school that is of historic significance to the county and regional history. And I was the yearbook editor that discovered....the age of our school and made it a theme for the yrbk. with archival photos from 1920's, 1930's, 1950's. It was fun doing research (by myself) up in the attic of high school.

to continue since I had to return to my work...by interupting myself.

I went to lst reunion ..more because I felt I had some involvement it bringing to the attention of others about the age of our school.

Then fast forward 25 yrs. later just a few years ago, there was a mega-reunion since school celebrated its 150th birthday. Brought together 3,000 people over 1 weekend. THere was even a website set up for it for registration, photo-sharing. I didn't go..and didn't want to. Heard about it through 1 friend, the only person I've maintained contact since high school. At least she showed me photos of what our classmates looked like now.. That part was interesting.

Don't consider my childhood nor teenagehood with great fun. Would say the last 15 years of my life so far, much better and more fun. I feel less inhibited now than I did back then. Back then, it was bottled up energy, simmering dreams and trying hard to conform to expectations of others just to get to next stage of life.

So no reunion is no loss. Most likely other classmates didn't expect that I would end up in Vancouver, cycling, etc.

[OakLeaf]

My childhood was generally miserable. Like Crankin, I spent my last two years of high school at a school where almost all of the other 20 members of my class had been together since lower school.

But I went to my 25th and actually had fun. I'd cut my hair, I wore a dress, I even put on makeup. Nobody recognized me. All the men were fat, all the women looked fabulous. After the school event we all went to one of the women's house for a few more drinks and talked about our lives now and the GOOD parts of the old times - yes there were some, and G*d knows the only parts of my life that were good back then took place at school.

I'm on my class's email list now, and once in a while I respond to something. I don't have a great desire to go to another reunion - I might've gone to the school's 50th anniversary this fall if I hadn't just got back from Texas though.

So no paste for me as far as the high school reunions. More like baked potato - I could take it or leave it. Actually, I'm much less likely to go to college and law school reunions. I feel so inferior compared to all those people's achievements. It surely didn't help that a woman who was a good friend of mine in 7th grade was plastered all over the national news this year for an important book she co-wrote. I do sometimes feel like I'm the only person I've ever known who hasn't gone on to stellar achievements.

[ginny]

Excellent timing for this thread... thanks, Indy! So, I just went to Facebook for the first time ever... and I 'found' a couple of friends from HS. I emailed them and ...blah blah...

Now, maybe I'm going through an uncertain time at the moment (just moved, don't think I like the new job all that much, miss my old friends...), but I look at everyone's pictures or whatever, realize I haven't seen nor spoken with any of these people in years, and think: they look so happy - they have a brood of children, I have no plans for kids, and I think, wow! Have I totally chosen stupidly for my life? I chose science and a 'career' of sorts over a stable family life and children. I ride my bike, I run, I ride my horse and walk my dog in the woods. I am an athiest and all these people are absolutely religious. I think maybe I should leave the past in the past and realize I made much different choices from the people I grew up with.

Would I go to a reunion? Not after my facebook experience! Please pass the paste!

[Crankin]

Oakleaf, when I went to my reunion, I would say about 95% of the people (both genders) were lawyers or therapists. I was 42 at the time and my kids were 14 and 12.5. Everyone else had kids under 5, if they had kids and I got a blank look when I said I was a middle school teacher. Some people "couldn't believe" that. I wasn't sure if it was because they thought I was not smart enough or that because I was kind of wild as a teen, they couldn't picture it! I still had fun, though.
I guess I fit in now, because I am in school to become a therapist. It must have been in the water.
I found it funny to see how everyone had turned out. I had lots of friends in school and was very active in student government. Some of the former nerds were very successful people.

[7rider]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?

Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place.

[Eden]

Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place.

I know how you feel - most of me would much rather eat paste.... but there's a little evil part of me that would go - cause I'm not fat, and the hubby's not bald.... but so far as I know there's never been a reunion for my HS class, so I've never had to see if the little evil part would take over. It's pretty unlikely since I now live about 3000 miles from where I went to HS.

[Biciclista]

i've never gone either; but have kept in touch on line with the reunion committee. They are now planning our 40th highschool reunion. None of my friends go. I hardly know these folks, and now some of us are friends on facebook! (and we still have nothing in common at all!)
lucky for me, they're far away on the other side of the country.

don't go if you don't want to. Do you really want to see photos of their grandchildren?