Prenups?

[IFjane]

Good afternoon all you wise and wonderful women (and men) out there. I am wondering how many of you have prenuptial agreements & if you think it is a wise decision to have one.

My SO and I (both divorced) have decided to tie the knot in April (yay!). I own my own house and that is where we will live. I also have some other assets that I would like to protect so my children will have the benefit of them.

That said, I love my SO completely and have every confidence that we will be together forever.....but you never know.

I would love to hear your thoughts & advice. Thank you in advance!

[Bad JuJu]

When I got married, the Chief and I were young and neither of us had anything, so a prenup would have been nonsense.

But if I were to find myself single and considering marriage again now, I would definitely consider doing a prenup for just the reasons you're considering it. Nobody knows what the future holds.

[Bad JuJu]

Oh and btw, congrats on your impending marriage!

[IFjane]

Thank you, JuJu! We have been together for seven years now so I guess it's time...

[wannaduacentury]

When I got married, the Chief and I were young and neither of us had anything, so a prenup would have been nonsense.



But if I were to find myself single and considering marriage again now, I would definitely consider doing a prenup for just the reasons you're considering it. Nobody knows what the future holds.

first quote- When we got married, we had the same assets- none-
and we're still even on finances, it's ours together regardless.

Tough choice on the second one. I personally don't like them, I think it sets people up for the inevitable. I know we can't predict the future, but I would have a will where my assets go and if you've been together and know each other well and long enough, then a prenup shouldn't be an issue. I don't care what society pushes at us. If either party is against it, then it shouldn't be done. Prenups can put a strain on the best relationships. Just my 2 cents. Best wishes to both of you IFJane. Jenn

[SouthernBelle]

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

[bikerchick68]

congrats on your engagement! I have to say, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is concerned about this. Don't wanna be a downer, but I totally understand and empathize with your concern here... best of luck to you in whatever you decide...

[Trek420]

Also a lawyer, The most common reason I've seen to have a pre-nup is to agree what happens at death, not divorce. Esp when kids are yours & mine.

I'm not a lawyer and don't play one on TV

Dumb question of the day: if a pre-nup is only for what happens at death not divorce than why not just have a will?

[kelownagirl]

Yeah, I was wondering that too Trek?

DH and I were in the same situation when we got married last March. We had started to do a prenup type document when we moved in together but then never got around to it. Now we've decided to just make sure our wills are up to date. Course we haven't got around to that either...

[indysteel]

Good afternoon all you wise and wonderful women (and men) out there. I am wondering how many of you have prenuptial agreements & if you think it is a wise decision to have one.

My SO and I (both divorced) have decided to tie the knot in April (yay!). I own my own house and that is where we will live. I also have some other assets that I would like to protect so my children will have the benefit of them.

That said, I love my SO completely and have every confidence that we will be together forever.....but you never know.

I would love to hear your thoughts & advice. Thank you in advance!

My advice--as an attorney--is that you talk to an attorney, not only about the pros and cons of a prenup, but also about estate planning in general. If you don't already have one, it sounds like you may need a will.

[blueskies]

I'm married, but if I were remarrying at this point in my life, I would want a prenup & wills. I would consider the ability to discuss our financial intentions & come to agreement on this to be a sign of the strength of the partnership.

It is reality that you're each entering the relationship with different assets & your own children. Dealing with that openly & clearly is a positive thing to me.

And all of you who don't have wills- get busy out there!

[KSH]

My encouragement is that if you are sure that this is a mutual relationship and that you would both be forgiving of the other's flaws and mistakes, then skip the pre-nup.

To be fair... who goes into a marriage thinking ANY differently? And if you are thinking differently... then why are you getting married?

I would bet that 96% (? or more) of people who are divorced... didn't think they would be. I'm divorced, and I can tell you, I NEVER thought I would be.

With that said... if someone has been married... and divorced... I think it's safe to say that a "well, anything can happen" can pop into one's head. Never say never... right?


I don't have anything of much value... but IF I ever got married again, I would go with prenup... that is if you can have a prenup that says, "If the man cheats on the woman, he is required to leave the marriage and pay for all debts incurred during the marriage". Of course, I doubt prenups cover cheating a-holes.

Anyhoo... GO WITH THE PRENUP. You have kids... and point out that HE gets to PROTECT his ASSESTS to. I think Paul MacCarthy's (McCarthy?) divorce is a prime example of why prenups are needed. Obviously to the extreme, but still. A prenup protects BOTH sides.

[Mr. Bloom]

To be fair... who goes into a marriage thinking ANY differently? And if you are thinking differently... then why are you getting married?

You're absolutely right.

My view is that if you lay the ground work for a "divorce with ease", then divorce becomes easier to justify than trying to work it out.

I for one believe that laws have evolved to make divorce too easy and I believe that it should be something difficult to get to.

To be fair, I think that marriage is too easy as well and that pre-marital counseling should be a condition of marriage licenses...

teigyr: thanks for pointing out that infidelity is not just a "male thing". I only know a few divorced men, but 80% of them were the ones who were cheated on... I'm not saying they were blameless though...and they know it (at least now)

[RoadRaven]

Well... we were married 22 years ago and pre-nups were about to make a big splash here as something one did if one was a hollywood star...

He had lots (land, house, assets) - I had nothing... Now we both have each other, kids and lots of bits and pieces.

I really do not like the idea of pre-nups, as this admits the relationship may fail... BUT (BIG qualifier here)... I know there are two situations I would agree to a pre-nup...

1. if it is a second relationship and there are children involved. The children's assets and quality of life MUST be protected in event of a realtionship breakdown, or the injury or death of their parent.

2. if one partner has accrued significant wealth... such as the situation I was in when I was 20. I would have been happy to sign a pre-nup to PROVE that I was in it for the long haul and the relationship was NOT about me getting assets... (I know some of his family wondered about my motivation as we were married 6 weeks after our "first kiss").



KSH and Mr Silver... I think the legal and social tie makes the marriage different from committing to each other without "official" mariage vows... my sister-in-laws and friends who have lived together (with respective partners - not each other!) have all said this to me in one way or another. Before marriage, they thought nothing would be different - but they had only lived together for a year or two - not seven

. I think in some ways the social expectation of a married couple (how they will do things, be with each other, divide chores, roles in raising children) has a greater influence... and these expectations are slightly different from those who have made exactly the same committment without tying the knot...



Congratulations on your decision... although I know you have already made the committment to each other - it is nice to affirm this to everyone around you with such a celebration
Enjoy YOUR day.