Advice with Teenage Daughters & Piercings

[Mr. Bloom]

OK, the Silvers need objective advice.

Our 16 year old daughter told Silver that she wants her navel pierced. I'm NOT a fan of body piercing, but although I'm OK with piercings on adults...the issue is where should a line be drawn on teenagers.

So, why would I object?

• A couple months ago, I was posed with the request for this piercing or another...I conceded on the "other one" (a second ear piercing) and am now feeling a little "played" with the current request
• I question why this is important to her...is this a fashion/peer statement or a form of self-mutilation (which still has a wide following among psychologists)
• I know folks who have had major discomfort and infection from this particular piercing
• In one year, she can legally get it without our permission...so should we simply let her wait and make her own decision then as a statement of freedom (or rebellion)

Silver believes that we should allow it and move on. She thinks that I should just spontaneously take her to get it done (which would eliminate the potential "rebellion effect" . While I understand what she's saying, I'm quite conflicted...

We love our daughter very much, she's becoming a responsible young lady, but I'm conflicted over what her motivations may be AND knowing what the right response would be.

I've never been a teenage girl...and since Silver and I don't have agreement on this yet, I welcome the thoughts and insights of the group...

[sandra]

Yikes, that's a hard one. I didn't have any girls, but once our son started talking about getting a tattoo. I said "yeah, your dad's been wanting one too! Y'all can go together and get one!"

That's the last we ever heard of it. He's 27 now and has no tattoos. I'm 51 and showing my age and that I'm "old school".

<sigh> I guess if she gets it done and changes her mind later, she can always take it out and let it grow up.

[KnottedYet]

navels heal poorly from all I've heard from friends who've had them done.

Nostrils, now, those heal up a treat! (devil's advocate!)

SKnot is 14. I've offered to get him his hair dyed, a piercing or two, a tattoo. Nope. If it's mom's idea he wants nothing to do with it. Darn, cuz I think he'd look good with purple hair and an earring...

Ask her what she thinks you should get pierced. Have her take you to her piercer so you can research "your" piercing. Make sure the initial piercing jewelry they use is ASTM certified medical quality materials. www.astm.org Hopefully made of titanium. Check to see that they autoclave the jewelry and needle/tools with heat sensitive tape, and that they expect you to initial the tape before it gets autoclaved. And that you inspect the tape after and confirm it has changed color.

Does the piercer wear gloves and a mask? (they gotta get their faces pretty close to their work sometimes, a mask is good for the piercer's protection and the piercee's protection)

Ask how long it would take for your ear to heal. Ask how that compares to, oh, say a navel piercing....

Anyway, if you are doing the research for "yourself" she might think about getting her next piercing differently.

And you could end up deciding to get your ear pierced!

[steinspinne]

I honestly don't see any problem with it. Tattoos are permanent, so of course one should wait at least until they are of age to commit. Piercings are really no big deal, IMO. Especially a navel piercing. It is small, concealed, and should she ever tire of it she can take it out and let it grow back.

I have had my navel pierced for four years now. The barbell I have in is the same that was inserted when I first got it pierced and made of surgical stainless steel, which I prefer to titanium because it will not give me an allergic reaction. As opposed to experiences others on the board have had, mine has been nothing but pleasant. Naturally there will be a little pus because your body recognizes the metal as a foreign object and is attempting to heal around it. That does not mean it is infected. Just be regular with cleanings, use a triple antibiotic and it will heal like a charm.

If she were asking for a facial piercing (which I have as well) I would have her wait a year because it could affect her employment opportunities depending on where she wants to work. If she were asking for a tattoo, (again, which I have) I would have her wait simply because of the permanence of it all.

Navel piercings are discreet and easy to care for. Like wearing sexy underwear on a first date when you know you're the only one that's going to see it, it's an extra little confidence booster to make her feel attractive and hip without drawing unnecessary attention.

Plus, if you take her to get it, your position on the parent's coolness scale will definitely be bumped up a few notches.

Edit: I just wanted to add that I don't think she is doing this to be rebellious at all. If she were she would not have sought out your permission in the first place. I think it is the mark of a very responsible young woman with respect for her parents that would have the conversation with them in a non-confrontational manner in the first place. I just think this issue is illustrative of the generational gap present and what is socially acceptable appearance-wise.

[Zen]

Like wearing sexy underwear on a first date when you know you're the only one that's going to see it, it's an extra little confidence booster to make her feel attractive and hip without drawing unnecessary attention.

Well, that probably settles it...

[Mr. Bloom]

it could affect her employment opportunities depending on where she wants to work.

Navel piercings are discreet and easy to care for. Like wearing sexy underwear on a first date when you know you're the only one that's going to see it, it's an extra little confidence booster to make her feel attractive and hip without drawing unnecessary attention.

Plus, if you take her to get it, your position on the parent's coolness scale will definitely be bumped up a few notches.

Is your name SilverDaughter????

This sounds like her exact pitch to Silver

[steinspinne]

Is your name SilverDaughter????

This sounds like her exact pitch to Silver

Nope, just a hard-working college student that would like to change the image that body mods are reserved for "freaks" and women of ill-repute. They can be quite tasteful and classy, if handled properly.

However all of this, of course, is just my humble opinion.

[DirtDiva]

I'm as certain as I could be without having met your daughter that it will be the fashion/peer thing that is motivating her. I suppose there could be an element of the rebellion/shock-the-parents thing, but, well, that kinda is fashionable when you're sixteen. Personally, I don't see a problem with a girl of that age having a belly button piercing - she's the one that's going to have to pay for it (unless you're a softy), keep it clean, deal with it if it did get infected, etc. - but she's your and Silver's daughter so it's your and Silver's decision whether to let her do it or make her wait another year.

[KnottedYet]

Oooh, I wanna be a woman of ill-repute! Can you do that when you're over 40?

<Knot-has-5-facial-piercings>

A lot of it has to do with what part of the country you're in, I'm sure. Around here you see some pretty "wild" piercings on very "clean cut" folks. My piercings are tame and boring in comparison. Age doesn't seem to matter here, either. I have a patient in his 60's with about 6 earrings in one ear.

What might seem rebellious in one part of the country could be pretty tame or even passe' in another part.

[KSH]

Well, I didn't read all the response... so forgive me if I repeat something that has been said.

Navel piercings are discreet and easy to care for. Like wearing sexy underwear on a first date when you know you're the only one that's going to see it, it's an extra little confidence booster to make her feel attractive and hip without drawing unnecessary attention.

Well, she is 16. Call me an old fuddy-duddy at 35, but a 16 year old girl doesn't need to secretly feel sexy... and that is what sexy underwear and something like this do.

She can get it herself in a year... so she can wait a year. And in a year she can take herself to get it done and pay for it.

[CCinSC]

IMHO, I say let her pierce her navel. Heck, take her yourself so you can ask all of the parenting type questions--you know, the one's she'll forget. THEN nag her to make sure she takes care of it the right way!

One of 4 things will happen:
1. She will think you are the coolest and brag to all her friends and it will bring you closer together (no better way to bond with teenager than to be a cool but responsible parent).
2. She'll be completely embarrassed that you are taking her and chicken out.
3. She'll get it, agree with item #1 and become more self confident in who she is because you respected her decision for her own body
4. See #1 plus, eventually get annoyed at you for being the responsible parent by nagging her to constantly keep it clean etc and take the darn thing out!

Either way you go, the job is to be the parent first and help her learn her own path in life. GOOD LUCK, I'm not a teenage but was one a few short years ago. And I can tell you, a little personal choice freedom goes a long way to preventing the major rebellion!

[Hammer]

I haven't read the whole thread yet. I'm 28 years old and just got my navel pierced when I was 25. I guess I'm not entirely sure why I did it. I think that I was going through a quarter life crisis. I saw some jewelry that I liked, so I decided that it wasn't as permanent as a tattoo and would be fun. I don't show it off nearly as much as I did a few years ago. I liked wearing shirts that showed the midriff a little bit, but mostly it was just fun to know that I had one. By the time that I start having kids in a year or so, I'll probably be okay with taking it out and letting it do whatever it is that it wants to do. It did get a little infected at first, but if a person keeps it clean, it heals alright.

I've considered tattoos off and on since I was 18, I still don't have one. My dad then said that he didn't know how he felt about it because technically he thought that it was important to show your body respect and treat it as a temple (From a Christian stand point...) . Though he did say that if I really felt as though I NEEDED one, then as long as I did it tastefully, he'd support it. I decided that I needed to design one myself, in order to be unique. I only just within the last few years figured out what I would get, if I did get one. I don't think it'll happen though.

16 is still pretty young though. I *think* that I read that piercings aren't always a good idea at a young age because your body is still developing. I'm not sure how much it would matter with a navel piercing.

It seems like everyone is providing ways to educate her and keep her from making a rash descision to allow her to decide for herself how important it is. That's great. Though I think that I would tell my daughter (if I had one) that I wouldn't give my permission for any piercings further south than that.

Still, 17 is young enough to have the slim and trim youthful body and she'll have lots of years to enjoy the piercing then too!

[Mr. Bloom]

I'm 51 and showing my age and that I'm "old school".

I admit that this is part of my problem. While my attitudes have mellowed considerably over time, I did grow up in Alabama...where middle and upper class attitudes toward body piercing are very conservative.

Sandra, how would you feel if your son's fiance had a navel piercing?

[sandra]

Sandra, how would you feel if your son's fiance had a navel piercing?

It's not really fair to compare my son's fiance to your daughter. She's 31 compared to a 16 year old.

But, I'll tell you what. Prepare yourself because you just never know. I'm learning quickly that how I "feel" about them and what they do at their age is none of my business.

My son announced that she is probably going to go ahead and move in with him NOW, even before they are married. Her apartment lease is up in October and they don't want her to sign for another year. Do I like it? NO! not really. Then again, he doesn't live with me. He owns his own house. I did express my feelings, but tried really hard not to do it in such a way that he felt he couldn't talk to me in the future.

But I do have to give them credit. At least he told me. At least he cared what I thought. He said he didn't want me to be blindsided if I came over and some of her stuff was there. At least they ARE planning to get married.

Again...all of this is old school and southern belle that I am.

(I hope that this is not offensive to anyone. It is just evidence that the times they are a changin' ~ and I'm old!)

So a naval ring? I guess it is all about self expression....and pushing the limits when you are 16 and everyone else is doing it. She may want to do it just because she knows you really don't go along with it.

[Zen]

Earrings draw attention to the face.

I have no teenage daughter but at one time I was one and I was the worst kind. If she can do it without your permission in one year and it's important to her she should be able to wait.