Rude or just too sensitive

[solobiker]

Well, I will try to keep this short. As some of you know I moved away from my home in Colorado of 10years back to NY to be closer to family. After 7 months it just didn't work out for my DH and I so we moved back to CO and are currently living in an apartment until we can find a home. We kind of live in a bad area. Well any way, we were looking and driving by some homes and found one that we kind of liked. Well unfortunately it is under contract. All I said to my DH is "Things like this always happen to me". and he said "That is one of the things that I dont like being married to you" Is that comment rude or is it just me. I was so mad at him. We have been married for over 10 years, and yes, I can be a little negative, but even he agrees that things always seem to happen to me. So my ? is was that a rude comment or am I just sensitive. Thanks

[snapdragen]

Maybe a little sensitive, but a bit insensitive on his part too. Maybe he was reacting to your negative statement? As in "I don't like you feeling so down on yourself"?

[solobiker]

Thans for your reply, yes, I know I can be "hard on myself", I am trying to be better about that. Thanks for your "ousider" opion. It is greatly valued.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Hmmm...trying to figure it out. Maybe he didn't like that here you both were working hard looking for a home together, and this one didn't pan out ...and you suddenly "claim it" so to speak, as something happening to YOU. Not to both of you, but to YOU. Sort of cuts him out of the picture altogether in a way. It also makes it into a self pity kind of thing instead of something you are facing and experiencing together. Self pity tends to push other people away, because there is no room for anyone other than yourself. Don't get me wrong, self pity has it good times and uses. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you asked, and that's just a feeling I got when I read it and put myself in his place. In his place I would have felt shut out and pushed aside if my DH had said something like "Things like this always happen to me", it would have definitely annoyed me on several levels.
I wish you luck with finding a good house!

[solobiker]

Thanks Lisa, no I don't think it is harsh. When I read your post you made a great point in that it happened to both of us, not just me. Sometimes it is hard to look outside of the situation. Both DH and I have had a very stressful past 8plus months. Once again I have to compliment you ladies on this cite on giving unbiased advice.

[Grog]

If these words would have come out of my mouth - and they could have - it would have been meant as a joke to make the climate a little lighter. Not a very funny joke, mind you.

And if my sweetie would have heard me say that, as you did, he would have been a little offended.

And I would have felt bad about it for saying it, and eventually he would have felt bad about it for feeling offended because I was just trying to ease the atmosphere.

[yellow]

solo--been there (kind of). The move was tough, didn't work out, and now you're both dealing with the situation in your different ways. I suspect that if the circumstances were different he may not have said anything at all. Feeling bad person 1 + feeling bad person 2 = stream of negative consciousness comments. Give yourselves time to work through it all (and I mean a LOT of time. I'm still "working through" my move 1.5 years ago, a move that wasn't my idea and in which I was not generally in favor of). Make sure you balance the disappointments with lots of "I love You"s and good thoughts about the future that you share with each other. Give as much as you can (and I know how hard it is to give when you're feeling like you do). It'll really help in the long run!