I Met A Bike Widow Today

[DarcyInOregon]

I bike almost every day, even in the bad weather. I rarely encounter another cyclist, but when I do, the other cyclists are typically older males, age 60 to 90, riding solo or in small groups. I've always wondered who these older males are, what their lives are like at home.

Today I had to give up my biking time and attend a small memorial for a friend's mother. The mother was my friend also and she died after a very long illness; the death was something she desired so it is ok. It wasn't a memorial with services and eulogies, but just a whole lot of people crammed into a tiny one-bedroom condo and munching on appetizers.

When I got there, Aunt Jean, the sister of the dead lady, exclaims, "Darcy you must still be biking because you have lost so much weight!"

Well yes, thank you for noticing. I've lost 2 inches around my middle, one inch around my bust and one inch around my hips so far this year. I was wearing a new cute outfit that showed off my less fat middle.

Aunt Jean then says her husband refused to come because he was out biking. This couple is in their late 60s. Now I should have been sympathetic and said oh no, how despicable, but instead I was instantly interested and asked how many miles he was biking today. Aunt Jean's face gets all twisted up with grimaces and scowls and she launches into this tirade against her husband. Evidently he is out biking 65 miles today. He bikes everyday and leaves her all alone. He is spending all sorts of money, and says the lady at the bike shop is giving him special deals, and Aunt Jean thinks he is spending too much time at the bike shop and he is having an affair with the lady at the bike shop.

I sort of go ummm. What could I say. I mean my thoughts were opposite of what she wanted me to think. You see, I was thinking, well good for him, he is probably training for a century, and no, he isn't having an affair with the lady at the bike shop because that would take away from his biking time. And I was already totally envious because he had the guts to not show up and continue with his training schedule and I had to revamp my whole week and take today as a day of rest. I will take my dogs for a walk yet today, and that will be my exercise for the day.

Aunt Jean was continuing with her tirade so I interrupted and asked if her cycling husband was signed up for the Monster Cookie Metric Century at the end of April. Aunt Jean exploded and it was all about how much does that cost, and no he didn't say anything, and why is he keeping these things secret from her. She said he owns two bikes, one is a Giant and one is a Specialized, and why does he need two bikes, and it all costs too much.

My husband is an invalid so I said oops, Bill doesn't do well in such crowded conditions so I gotta go, and I got out of there.

Whew!

Darcy

[missymaya]

Wow Darcy! My sympathies for the loss, it probably helped that you went and gave your condolences though. As for riding, one day off of the bike doesn't hurt and may actually help a little. You will ride again the next day, so just get ready for that and use this day for something different, change it up a bit. As for aunt Jean, woo she needs to cool off a little. Maybe someone should suggest that she take a ride with her husband or a friend or someone and maybe she'll like to ride.
Hope all is well and have a great ride!

[momof4greatkids]

Hi Darcy, Colleen from Ohio here. Your post is a good insight into the mind of the cycling widow. It's a shame that Aunt Jean won't start riding, and then she could share in some fun activity w/her husband and develop some respect for him instead of resentment.

I work w/older adults and it's shocking how often older couples allow their relationships to digress into seething mutual resentment. It's quite an eye-opener.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your unhappy encounter. But I'm happy that you are healthy and riding everyday and wearing cute new outfits and enjoying your increasingly svelte form. It's a shame Aunt Jane can't see the goodness in that.

[maillotpois]

I'm sorry about the death of your friend's mother, but other than that, this story really made me smile. I could just picture your Aunt Jean saying all these things and getting all riled up.

It was probably good that you were so interested - maybe make her think (1) this isn't such a freaky weird hobby and (2) this is something a woman can do as well.

[mimitabby]

boy, ask Aunt Jean if she'd rather have a husband like my step father. When he retired he announced he was done working... and moved to a house with a 5x15 foot lawn, his previous exercise was mowing. He sat down and didn't get up again until he had to have his hip replaced. He lost all of his muscle tone his legs are like sticks, his vitality, his flexibility. All he does all day is sit and doze in his chair.

Tell Aunt Jean that they STILL spend money, they still don't help out around the house, but at least HER husband can take out the garbage for her or help her out of the car. My stepfather is completely useless!

( I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I remember who he was before he signed his own death warrant)

[DarcyInOregon]

I am back from my walk. I managed to burn 633 calories, not as much as cycling, but that is ok. I met one mountain biker cycling up the mountain as I was walking down, an older male of course.

I actually thought the situation was funny. I think Aunt Jean is one of the older ladies who doesn't move her body, who sits and watches soaps all day, and who cooks dinners that are a variation of noodles, hamburger and canned cream of mushroom soup with cups of melted cheese on top. I don't think it has occurred to her to take up cycling because she is happy not moving her body. I hope that makes sense.

I think what ignited her torch is that I entered the condo and she learned that another cyclist had changed her cycling schedule to show up at the memorial party, but her husband would not do so. In reflecting back on the conversation, it is my hunch that her husband has probably registered for this year's Cycle Oregon. That event draws the older male cyclists, and I estimate 70-80% of the cyclists are males over the age of 60. He probably hasn't told Aunt Jean because of the cost outlay. And he is probably on some sort of training schedule for it. I know last year's tour was extremely vigorous, with daily rides of 50 to 90 miles that were all climbs up a mountain range.

Anyway, it was interesting to view a bike widow's perspective. She is not a happy lady.

Darcy

[Grog]

Wow. Sorry about that sad encounter.

Maybe you could have asked her if she considered getting a bike herself to follow him?

I'm sure he'd appreciate (if not the company, at least her improved booty post-cycling )