Lost the Love - will it come back?

[Nokomis]

Lots of history, seems that I need to vent a bit.
Short Story - I think I'm completely burned out on cycling. I dread the thought of getting out on my bike right now - and feel awful, because I loved it last year.

Long story...

Way back in '03, DH convinced me to take a spinning class with him. After much fussing with setup, I was finally able to find a way to ride that didn't kill my wrists. (Tendonitus - flares up very easily) We rode for about a year or so together, 2-4 times per week.

Then in 04, middle of the Tour, we decided that I was riding consistently enough that we should try riding together. He grew up road biking - and had become more serious about it & attending events over the past year. So, down to the shop & home to learn how to clip in & out w/out falling -- hooray for a meandering sidewalk with lots of grass on both sides! By the end of August, I attended my first ride event - a whopping 50 miles. DH was very patient, he'd figure out where we'd ride to train, give me tips, and ride pretty much at my pace, but pushing me to improve. Then came the rain, we switched gyms & again were dilligent in attending spin.

Once it got warm again in 05, and we had a Great year! We rode the first LiveStrong ride, we attended a number of other events, and I reached a new personal best of 84 miles. My skill had improved, I was in love with my blue bike, and felt that I could hang with him in the flats, even if hills were still a bit of a struggle. Some of his friends would ride with us on weekends - so it was always out with the boys - and I was able to hold my own.

This summer the big goal was to complete my first century, so we targeted the LiveStrong ride which was scheduled for September. DH was ready for a new bike, so we went to Demetri and got a bike fit. We were both riding bikes that were to small. I inherited DH's bike as a 'perfect' fit, and he bought a brand spankin new nearly-all carbon fiber beauty. I tried to be happy about my hand-me-down. All the boys at the LBS would tell me what a great bike it was (unprompted!) and would stand & look at it for a bit. I spent the next month seat shopping - and finally found one that didn't hurt immediately - but still doesn't disapear. Shortly after this, we found out that the Livestrong ride was pulled in 2 months due to schedule conflicts, so we lost a lot of training time. Almost every training ride this summer included hill challenges, and while I did improve at that, in general I felt slower than years past. I had to work harder than ever to keep up with DH, and all of a sudden his skill and endurance skyrocketed. We also joined up with a local group and started attending Saturday rides.

My worst ride this year - I'd just gotten thru my "slow recovery" problems (posted somewhere here...) and was back to riding a decent pace. Well, that morning my stomach was super upset, and I'd visited the toilet more times than I care to remember. We had to hustle to get to the club location to take off for the ride - and he was sure we'd be able to hang with the A group, given the advertised average they'd maintain. Well, we got separated at a major intersection, and never caught up. DH was furious that I couldn't push harder to close the gap, but I was exhausted, and this was only 4 miles in. So we hung around until the Bs caught up, and decided to ride with them. I never fully recovered, and was struggling to stay with the group. Eventually, after a bit of a tiff, I decided to just head home & told DH to finish up his ride. On top of all this, I'd been feeling very frustrated about our infertility problems (and he's fine, plenty of swimmers - tested many times) and absolutely bawled all the way home, sprinted past two cyclists so they wouldn't see, and couldn't stop crying for the next 30 minutes in the shower. I was overcome with frustration that my body couldn't do anything right. When he got home after the ride, he apologized profusely, realized & claimed what an *** he was in what he'd said, and we talked thru everything.

From here on out, every ride felt like work. Even though he tried to take it easy and not push me too hard, I was always holding his speed back. Eventually, we had to do hills separately, because his legs were learning to climb at my speed and not his own. I am totally cool with that, especially since he'll wait for me near the top & encourage me, or double back to make sure I know that I'm "doing great!"

The club rides were hit & miss - I did enjoy the majority of the rides after that & even made some friends... in an environment that wasn't flooded with babies or baby talk.

Then came the century - and I did it! I was able to ride every mile & climb every darn foot of elevation they threw at us. Huzzah! For the rest of the week, I felt as though I could accomplish anything. I don't think we rode much at all that week, and the season slowed down a bit. Work got nutty - here come the layoffs, hope they don't hit! Oh, and work extra to cover for everyone that is no longer here, thankyouverymuch. So, weekday rides dwindled, was just too exhausted to get on the bike.

Eventually, all that shifted into - I don't know what. But the thought of going out for a ride right now is awful. DH is still riding, though not as frequently, 'the season is winding down'. At one point I he asked why I didn't want to ride, and the first thing that came to mind was - it felt like work. It isn't enjoyable for me anymore... and I hate that it's turned in to that! Even the idea of going to spinning is repulsive.

So... I know everyone here totally loves riding... but did you always? Did you ever get so sick of it you had to walk away?

I know it's probably not fair to blame cycling... but that's what I have to let go of right now. I just don't know if or when I'll want to come back.

[KnottedYet]

There are very few things I like to do more than biking. I get on a bike, and I just feel "whole", you know?

But there have been a couple times where I've gone a year or so without riding.

Everything goes in cycles, including cycling.

[spokewench]

I've been ridingsome 20 years total - but don't ever think I havent taken a break - I can't ride all the time. This is how it goes, I might race and train real hard one year; the next year, all i do is go out and ride at the most 45 mile rides, maybe throw an occasional 60 in; and go hiking and go running a little; and go have a beer. We all have busy lives, we have jobs, kids, both, house chores, yard chores, etc. All those things in our lives are stressers. So, you may not even have ridden that much, but riding is a stresser too so all in all those stressers all build up and you just need to rest. Don't feel bad about taking some time off - try to stay fit somehow cause its healthful, but don't worry about riding a certain amount of time per week, etc. Also, when you do go out on the bike, don't push hard, just enjoy the ride, go as far as you want and turn around. Don't try to keep up with the boys all the time, it will KILL YOU! I've found it is okay to occasionally go out with the hubby and guys, but I learned a long time ago that I can't do that on are regular 2-3 times a week basis. It just doesn't allow me enough recovery time! Recovery Time is key - So, try to just enjoy the bike, the heck with the goals, the push, the got to get better and if you do ride, just ride, have fun with it.

People that seem to get into riding often times are perfectionists and also have exercise addicted personalities - so put all that aside and just enjoy what you are doing!

[maillotpois]

TAKE A BREAK!!! Don't beat yourself up. Take a break and ride when it becomes fun again. I see a lot of similarities with you in what happened with me, including some of the "marital dynamics", and I can tell you, it (the love of riding) can come back. I promise!

Here's my story: DH and I started riding together in 2001. I was way better than he was, period. We did some centuries. In 2002, I decided to train for the Death Ride. For me, the problem started with the super specific HRM calendar schedule I was "supposed" to work with for DR. Riding started feeling like work to me. Did the DR, and then just spent a couple of years not riding "much" (I would coach centuries for Team in Training and that was about it). Meanwhile, as I was getting slower and fatter, DH had been dropped by me one time too many and up and lost 30 pounds and became a freaking animal. So , while I was happy for him, it really bummed me out to be the slow one. (I am super competitve also. )

The in August 2004, I decided I wanted to do the Death Ride in 2005. I called my coach, thinking that I should start building a base, etc., and he gave me the best advice ever. Ride when you feel like it. Ride to have fun. So I spent 4 - 5 months riding for fun and at the end of that I did my fastest ever Tour de Tucson. The next year, I did Death Ride and 3 double centuries, along with the standard rides, and this year I did 3 doubles and a 600k. But all along, the riding has been FUN. If I don't feel like it, I don't ride. I don't use a HRM. If I feel good, I ride hard. If I don't, I don't. I set goals that I want to achieve, not based on trying to do something someone else is doing or because someone else (DH) wants me to do something. I plan my training calendar with my goals in mind, but knowing I have a real life, a full time very high stress job and a family and kid who are more important to me than riding my bike, and so I know that there has to be some flexibility built into my training calendar.

DH and I have realized that our riding styles and goals are different, too. He wants to ride hard and fast for 100 miles or less (and the occasional 200k and rare double). I love love love riding fast, but over the last couple years I have found that doing these super long rides is really fun, too. So that's what I am focusing on now. We still ride together (before I got sick and had to take the 6 months off), but I am trying not to let it bug me that he's faster and he is starting to get it that I have different things I want to do.

Long winded way of saying - if it is not fun, don't do it. You had a fun period riding the bike before you got burned out, so I'll bet you'll be able to find that place again. The extra stress work wise and fertility wise is not helping things either right now. Take a break.

[CorsairMac]

Don't sweat it! I was flabbergasted by how many miles I had ridden last year. Thought I could do the same or more this year - not even close. For a brief period it really bugged me: I felt I had somehow failed because I just didn't seem to have the drive to ride this year like I did last year until I sat myself down and had a talk with myself. Bottom line: I didn't have anything to prove to anyone including myself and it was OK to not ride every Sat or every lunch hour or every moment of my day. So on the days it feels like a drudge to get on the bike - don't. I don't even do another form of exercise on those days, I read, or knit or pick a good movie and become a couch potatoe. It sounds like you have a great guy who is very supportive - maybe you can offer to SAG for him on some of his longer rides.....give you a chance to still share the sport with him without having it feel like a chain around your neck to you. Maybe even load up the bike and ride with him during his cool-down period. Or not - either way, it's OK not to ride.

[bcipam]

There are times I'm more active and cycle alot and times when I barely get on the bike once a week. There are cycles (pun intended) to everything. Something your body and your head are trying to tell you to rest, take it easy, do something else awhile. Your heart will bring you back - especially if it was meant to be - and you'll have a renewed passion for riding all over again (at least that's what always happens to me)

[mimitabby]

I don' t know about long term, but day by day i don't always want to ride.
My Dh is a lot more of a zealot than me. He rides twice the miles I do. that means he rides with different people than me, and different kinds of rides.
(this weekend he's doing 160 miles the backwards ride around mount rainier and I am doing two 10 mile rides, for example.) When the weather changes
I don't even want to go outside for days...

If you're always trying to keep up with him, no wonder it's no fun.
so yeah, part of what i think we do here is pep talk each other, so you hear all the good stuff..