Jealousy?

[lizbids]

Hey gals,

As someone who is planning a solo tour of the Pacific coast this summer, I wanted to throw this out there to everyone, but esp. those who choose to bike alone:

Do you find that people react with horror and disapproval of your solo tours due to some sort of jealousy? I know there are well-meaning and genuine concerns for safety (and I always appreciate love), but a part of me wonders if deep down most people desire to do something like this but repress it?
I hope this isn't a weird post; it's just a thought that was burning in the back of my brain. Considering the backlash (and Denise Goldberg knows what I'm talking about!) from my family, I'm beginning to wonder who I take after!

[mimitabby]

yes, there are people like that. My sister was married to one. No matter what she came up with, no matter how wonderful a plan or idea, but he would
shoot her down.

You have to keep your eyes and ears open so that if you are approached by someone like this, you can't let them get to you!

[Xrayted]

I just spent the last 10+ years with someone who is like that. Everything I have wanted to do, he thought I was nuts and wouldn't even listen. As far as my family, they think about how my plans could possibly affect them and then try to discourage me from even trying. It took me a long time to be able to brush off those guilt trips and just go ahead and give things a try. In the end, I finally just decided to do what will make me happy and allow them to learn to live with their disappointment. So, I'm packing up and moving to OR from PA in a few weeks. Needless to say, they are all against it and think I'm an idiot once again. Yeah, I may be an idiot, but I'm a happy idiot.

I say go have a great time. Do what makes you happy. Hopefully someday, they will get it. If they don't, go ahead and do it anyway.

[salsabike]

I think it is also really possible that some people react with genuine worry and concern, and aren't even at the deepest level in the least jealous. My dad would have reacted that way. He was a delightful, loving, anxious kind of guy and the thought of me touring alone would've given him anxiety conniptions. I would have loved him anyway. And I would have gone by myself anyway. I always did. And he always found a way to deal with it.

[DeniseGoldberg]

I think that people react the way they do because you are planning to do something that is well beyond what they can imagine doing themselves, and they are scared for you. Not jealousy, fear...

I started in the world of touring by doing supported tours. Everyone approved. Supported tours stopped making me happy, and I moved on to self-supported (and solo) touring. Before my first tour I faced a lot of disapproval from friends, co-workers, and family. Luckily I had a couple of good friends who supported me - even though my decision made them a little nervous. And I had the support of the folks at the bike shop where my frame was being built. That helped. I continued talking with my friends and family who didn't think I should head out on my own, but I didn't let them convince me not to go.

Believe in yourself, and don't let anyone steer you away from your dream.

--- Denise

[lizbids]

I now see that I'm not alone on this. I do realize that our country's image is such a violent one. It's hard to ignore a media that seems to be in existence to make us all afraid for various reasons. I know family is family, and I am grateful that I have a family at all to genuinely care about me. But unfortunately, like many of you ladies seem to understand, my family shot down everything I ever wanted out of life, and as a result I settled. Now that I'm a little older, I resent that I was put in that position, and a little support for what I enjoy(ed) in life would have been very helpful for me. I don't think we're too old to change, and I'm young enough to know that if I make these positive changes now, I will have a very nice future to look forward to.

And Denise G--I let them talk me out of my dreams when I was a kid, and I'm NOT going to let them do that to me now. Perhaps if I was more self-aware ten years ago I'd be at the Independent Spirit awards watching an actor from my film get an award-----see??? It's the "never-knowing" that feels the very worst!