Reunions?

[indysteel]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?

The reason I ask is that I've had very strong, negative reactions to both my high school reunion this past August and to a recent invitation to be part of an online reunion of sorts for my grade school. When I say strong, I mean take me off your list, I do not want to be included, no I'm not going/participating, now please leave me alone. For what it's worth, I would mention that I live in my hometown and went to small Catholic schools that have some very active and persistent alumni. They're like cheerful bill collectors.

While I'm okay with just saying no, my strong reaction is a little unsettling and it makes me wonder what's going on in my head. I didn't loathe elementary or high school, but those years were pretty unhappy for me. My family life was very difficult, although no one at school really knew that. I was privately a very sad and lonely kid. Even as I write this, I feel like that kid again.

While I had good friends throughout, some of those relationships soured over time because I often placed overly high expectations on them. I think I wanted them to make up for the love and attention that my parents didn't provide me. That's a lot to ask of anyone, especially a kid. All but one of my friends growing up knew anything about my home life, and she didn't learn about it until we were 18 and graduated.

By the time I went to college and then law school, I wasn't prone to looking back. I just wanted to move on with my life, and I have. My life today feels very far away in so many respects from my childhood. I have a handful of friends who date back to college and two that date back high school. Otherwise, I've made little effort to stay connected to former classmates.

My reaction may have something to do with the fact that I'm single and childless. I'm in a serious relationship, but we're a long way off from a commitment. Many of my classmates married young and now have almost-grown children. I'm happy with where I am, but I'm also a little self-conscious about it not conforming to some traditional ideal.

Finally, I think I just have other/better things to do. I'm busy enough with the people currently in my life to make time for people who have become strangers in the 20 plus years since I've seen them. Why should I bother? But then again, I make time to meet new people when given an opportunity, e.g., I've made time and effort to meet people from TE and Roadbikereview. I'm otherwise a pretty social creature.

Anyway, I find my reaction to be rather interesting. Clearly, something, or a combination of somethings, is getting triggered. Can any of your relate, or am I just a big party pooping weirdo?

[divingbiker]

Sorry you have such unhappy childhood memories. I'm sure that doesn't make you inclined to revisit those days. I've found that many of the people who still live in my hometown don't choose to attend our reunions, because they figure that if they wanted to socialize with our classmates they'd do it more often than every 5 or 10 years.

As one of those who moved away after high school, I love going to my reunions, and I always wish that the local folks would attend because I never get to see them otherwise, on my 5-day visits twice a year. I am from a small town, and had a class of 109, many of whom I liked a lot then and still do as adults. We have a great time, and while the 10-year reunion was a bit odd, subsequent ones (my 35-year reunion is coming up next year) have been great fun since time is a great equalizer.

At my 30 year reunion, I got to catch up with a guy who was kicked by a horse a week later and died. We were all glad he had decided to come to the reunion.

However, much as I enjoy my high school reunions, I have absolutely no desire to attend a reunion at any of the three colleges I graduated from.

[Pax]

I have nothing in common with the people I went to high school with, we knew each other for a very short time, a long time ago. I'm fine with the past staying in the past.

[shootingstar]

Indy, you answered your own questions --you've moved way beyond those high school years and have found your niche.

I went to my high school reunion just 2 years after I graduated. So it wasn't super fascinating experience back then. I went primarily because it was 125th birthday for the high school. It is a high school that is of historic significance to the county and regional history. And I was the yearbook editor that discovered....the age of our school and made it a theme for the yrbk. with archival photos from 1920's, 1930's, 1950's. It was fun doing research (by myself) up in the attic of high school.

[lph]

I have never been to any reunions, or received any invites, probably because our address changed shortly after I finished school. Or it could be because I was a weird outcast with very few friends, and they could hardly bother to track me down.

As you can tell - I'd rather eat paste

Seriously - that was a long time ago, I'm a different person, they're different people, and I don't miss either them or the memories of some pretty rough school years. I wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to say to them.

[solobiker]

I have yet to go to a reunion. As a lot of others have said we are different people now. To me, if I wanted to see them I would have stayed in touch with them. I stayed friends with a few people from HS other then that I have no need to go. Paste sounds good right now.

[GLC1968]

Paste for me, please!

I 100% get where you are coming from.

High school was pretty rough for me. I have some good memories and a few good friends (most of which I befriended AFTER graduation), but I was new to a very wealthy and close-knit town. I never really fit in and it was quite obvious. I was also very, very insecure (though I played it off well, being the new kid all the time).

So I missed my 5 year reunion because I got stuck at work (I was in retail and the reunion was on black friday!). We didn't have a 10 year and we ended up having our 15th year reunion in the 16th year after graduation because it was also a partial memorial ceremony for a classmate that was on flight 11 on 9/11. By that time, I felt pretty good about my life. I'd started a really good career, I'd met the love of my life (we weren't yet engaged, but it was close), I felt good about how I looked, etc. We flew to Boston for the reunion and I was so excited! I met a few close friends at a restaurant before the reunion for a drink and that was great fun (all of our spouses got along). Then when we walked into the reunion, I was immediately thrown back into my high school days. NONE of my group from when I was in HS was there (the people I was still friends with were not my close friends during the actual HS years), so immediately, I didn't fit in again. Everyone kind of hung out in their same cliques...it was unreal how little changes. I hated how I felt. I hated being an insecure 17 year old again. There were a few good moments and I did connect with one friend...but the balance of the evening was just plain awful.

I will never go to another one again (besides the fact that I now live 3000 miles away) because I have no desire to feel that way again. I can make contact with the people I want to see...that's enough for me.

I would consider going to my college reunion, but it's also too far away now. I went to my 5 year one for that and it was very fun. I'm sure I would enjoy my 20th (which is just around the corner), but I was a different person in college and some of those people are still my good friends.

[kermit]

My high school experience was very disfunctional for me. Went on to college and made new friends and had new interests. Everybody from HS changed and we all lost touch. It happens.

[7rider]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?

Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place.

[Eden]

Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place.

I know how you feel - most of me would much rather eat paste.... but there's a little evil part of me that would go - cause I'm not fat, and the hubby's not bald.... but so far as I know there's never been a reunion for my HS class, so I've never had to see if the little evil part would take over. It's pretty unlikely since I now live about 3000 miles from where I went to HS.

[Biciclista]

i've never gone either; but have kept in touch on line with the reunion committee. They are now planning our 40th highschool reunion. None of my friends go. I hardly know these folks, and now some of us are friends on facebook! (and we still have nothing in common at all!)
lucky for me, they're far away on the other side of the country.

don't go if you don't want to. Do you really want to see photos of their grandchildren?

[ny biker]

I don't get invited to high school reunions. Despite the fact that my parents still live at the same address, so I'd be easy to track down. My sister is also local and her job keeps her in touch with a lot of people, which you'd think would also make it easy to find me. I guess I'm not worth the effort (insert fake tears here).

If I was invited, I think I would enjoy seeing people from high school and chatting with them, even some who weren't my friends at the time, if it were free. But I'm pretty sure it's not free to attend, so never mind.

My parents are in their 70s. They have always gone to reunions for my father's HS class and they still all have a great time. It's pretty impressive, actually.

I don't go to alumni day or homecoming for my college, but that's mostly because I always have other things going on at the time. At some point I expect to be taking part in them again.

[Karma007]

Mmmm....paste! I moved as far way as the continent would allow. I'm really aprehensive about people contacting me even on facebook, etc. Anyone I was friends with, I am still now. High School was a miserable experience for me, and I have no interest in reliving it. It's odd now, my daughter goes to the same hs, and has some of my old teachers...wierd...

[Bluetree]

Interesting thread.

I've had a lot of people try to contact me through my professional web site, through Classmates.com or Facebook, and the sad truth is that I don't remember them AT ALL.

Sure, a few of the names sound familiar, but I have no memories of them –– good or bad ––– even though, for some reason, they seem to remember me pretty well. So the main reason I never went to my reunions is that I didn't want to embarrass anyone (or myself) by seeming to have walking Alzheimers or something!

Truly, the only strong memories I had about school were my teachers, as I had some very good ones, and... studying, studying, studying.

[indysteel]

I'm glad to hear there are some other paste eaters out there! The weird thing for me is that I didn't hate high school. I didn't love it either. I'd love to see some of my old teachers. They meant a lot to me. But neither school nor my classmates was awful.

The bottom line is that I feel like a different person today. Going to a h.s reunion would reunite me not only with classmates but also to a version of myself that doesn't really exist anymore. It's sort of weird to think of the current you being so removed from a past you.


What bothers me about this is the strength of my reaction to just the thought of a reunion. I feel like I have some additional work to do to release some old baggage. Doing that work doesn't mean that I'll end up wanting to go to a reunion anymore than I do now; just that thoughts and memories of the past would have less hold on me than they apparently do. I've already done a lot of work in that regard so it was surprising to feel so emotional about it today.

Anyway, thanks for sharing!