Holiday Eating Tips

[jobob]

Shamelessly appropriated from another cycling list, and there's a bit of cycling content, so it's marginally on topic


Holiday Eating Tips:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving proper foods like rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! Besides, you can call it Carbo-loading.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or half and half. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your appetite. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello??!?!!!

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that jug of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, take two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel like a stuffed toad when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread all tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. BTW, it's a proven fact that cycling shorts shrink when exposed to Christmas lights.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate cake in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!*”


* with appologies to CorsairMac

[MightyMitre]

Absolutely fantastic!! LOL

That's the best advice I've had in a long time jobob. I'll make sure I follow it to the letter

( quickly forwarding on to friends as we speak... )

[Dogmama]

This is true. I heard that people traveling on airlines have been told to leave the fruit cake at home because it x-rays like a bomb.

[jobob]

This is true. I heard that people traveling on airlines have been told to leave the fruit cake at home because it x-rays like a bomb.

Probably tastes like one too.

[MightyMitre]

Confession - I like fruitcake! I don't have a massive sweet tooth and I like all the fruit.

Does it really x-ray like a bomb ? Hope the terrorists don't cotton on otherwise we'll have every poor granny baking a fruit cake being held under terrorist prevention.

[CorsairMac]

no apologies needed jobob...I Loved it! seconding MM - copying to send onwards and forwards! I Love the whole eggnog idea! as for fruitcake x-raying as a bomb.....why would Anyone carry a fruit cake anywhere anyway? cept maybe to MMs house! Thanks for the laughs!

[jobob]

So now you've got me wondering, which one is it ....?

champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other

or

chocolate cake in one hand, martini in the other


Given my choice, I'd go for chocolate cake & champagne

[snapdragen]

I love Champagne, chocolate cake, strawberries and martinis (Lemon Drop with Grey Goose, please...) So......I want at least one of each!

[smurfalicious]

Okay, come on now, a lemon drop is a waste of perfectly good Grey Goose. That's almost as blasphemous as when I put Pendelton Whiskey in Coke.

love and cookies
-smurf
never shoulda dated a bartender

[Dogmama]

For me, if it involved lots of calories, it MUST be chocolate. Liquor, vanilla, soda, etc., is a waste of calories. Oh, and I'm talking good chocolate. The kind that melts when it hits your tongue.

(Melts all the way down to the hips!)

[pedalfaster]

I'm on the Champagne diet already this year. Mmmmm. It's my guilty pleasure from Thanksgiving through New Years. I probably average about a bottle per week

I did a marathon last weekend though, so I think my exercise-to-alcohol ratio might be a bit off. Does this mean I get two bottles this week???

[CorsairMac]

nope - I think it means you need to add eggnog to your diet to offset all those calories you just burned off!
and how bout this:
strawberries floating in a champagne martini and chocolate cake with strawberries on top? that ought to satisfy just about every one!

[JanT]

Fantastic! At work we're having splurge days, with various groups of people assigned to bring in goodies each day for the next couple weeks. I'm going to post these tips by the goodies. It's a great time to enjoy life to the fullest!

[snapdragen]

oh no! Not when it's made properly. Plain old vodka bites back, the Goose is soooo smoooth.....

Originally posted by smurfalicious
Okay, come on now, a lemon drop is a waste of perfectly good Grey Goose. That's almost as blasphemous as when I put Pendelton Whiskey in Coke.

love and cookies
-smurf
never shoulda dated a bartender